Was I unreasonable to 'come out' to my 7 yr old

[Newlyout]

Hi all, first post here. I just wanted to ask opinions really. I'm in my late 20 s and after a lot of thought I have decided to come out and let the world know who I really am.
In order to fully accept this and be ready to date I've told my friends and family that I'm gay. I also spoke to my job and my daughters teacher, so that if the playground gossips get hold of it, or if she goes into school saying mummy is a lesbian, then we are covered.
However I had no intention of telling her until I had met a woman I wanted to introduce her to. But after a lot of thought I told her. One, because I want her to hear it from me, not someone else, two because I want her to know I have nothing to hide/ be ashamed of and nor does she. And three because if I don't meet the right person for say 5 years, it's gonna be more of a shock, right?

Well anyway.... She took it really really well, and only asked what colour hair I'd like my girlfriend to have?!

But I don't know if I did the right thing.... What do you all think?

Awww thanks guys,
bogeyface, I'm glad the children weren't affected and all was handled so openly for them.
I think it is scary because we presume children will react the way adults do sometimes. And to her it was like I'd asked what she wanted for tea! Lol. Though she did also ask if that meant no baby brothers or sisters, and I explained that I don't know, there is adoption, step families, etc etc, and that sometimes nice men lend two ladies their baby seeds! Lol.

Hmmmm hair colour.... Not sure, I'm not ruling anything out yet! But I do think a nice auburn colour can be boooootiful, I'm also partial to a brunette lol :)

Brilliant - nothing to hide and the ealier you tell her the more it just is.
Glad everyone around you is as supporting as they should be and I hope you find someone with the right colour hair :)

One thing I might do is (somehow - and I don't know how) maybe work out what she would do if someone did start having a go at her if they heard you were gay. Or maybe leave it to her? Dunno. Suppose she should just shrug and say "so?"

It sounds like you handled it brilliantly. It's lovely that your friends & family have all been great as well - I bet you wish you'd come out sooner now :)

PS: What colour would you like her hair to be?

Bogeyface your friend's first and second husband have had a sex change?

Yep! We were all a bit [shocked] when she mentioned it and thought at first she was talking about her first husband and thinking "Well we knew that!", but yes, her second husband is going through it too. They were friends before they got together and I think that he knew that she would be understanding about him needing to become a woman, as she has always fully supported her ex in her GR. They want to stay together, have a full relationship and bring up her and their children together, so basically a lesbian relationship.

I do wish I'd come out earlier for sure. But then not 7 years earlier or I'd be without my awesome little lady!
I think in response to giving potential reactions and preparations for taunts that would be a good plan. So far I've just said, she doesn't have to tell anyone she doesn't want to, but it's not a secret. And if someone asks she can just say ' yes, is your mums straight?' Plus her class teacher is very aware so hopefully it will be ok,

What a fantastically open minded friend you have bogeyface, it's a shame the whole world isn't a little more like her :)

YANBU. Hope you meet someone lovely. With lovely oloured hair

*coloured (sticky jam-covered iPad)

Wow bogeyface, I was thinking 'what are the odds of that?' but what you say makes sense. He was drawn to her because he admired her lack of prejudice (amongst other things I hope) and there must be a quality in men who want to be women that she's attracted to.

But, I'm still a little , two husbands who've had a sex change!

Well done Newlyout, I think you have taken the right approach with you DD, and I hope you find a nice girlfriend soon.

Of course you should have come out. There's absolutely no reason to hide it, and keeping it from your child would give her the impression it's something to be ashamed of. Which of course it's not.

Thank you for that link Kim, I will take a look.

Former diva I misread hat initially and thought... No I don't fancy jam coloured hair! Hehe.
Thanks for all the support and well wishes everyone. I also hope I meet a nice lady with lovely coloured hair soon.... Just hope my daughter hasn't decided by then that she thinks I would be better off with someone with blue/ green/ polka dot hair by then. She might be disappointed!

YANBU!

Children are born without prejudice. Agree with Bogey, adults tend to be the buggers in this. I hope your friends and family give you any support you need, your daughter will accept you no matter what. Doesn't matter about your sexual orientation to her, you're her Mother. Being open and honest with your children is never a bad thing.

Squoosh one of our friend said in a Harry Hill type voice "What are the chances of that?" and much hilarity ensued! :o

It is really strange in one way, but totally logical in another. She loved him when they got married and still loves the her that she has become. As I said, they have been in the nationals about it, so presumably it is quite rare.

She is amazing Newly, I am proud to know her :)

I do sometimes wonder how she feels about becoming a lesbian by default, iykwim! But then, as I said, she has always loved the person so he or she is perhaps kind of irrelevant.

Sounds like you did a really good job of explaining things to her. I think it was important for you to tell her directly as it sounds like you are telling all of the other important people in your life and actually I bet she is the most important person in your life.

Best wishes for a great future.

Perfect age for it, I reckon. DD has somehow got to the age of 8 without knowing that some people fancy/fall in love with people of their own sex - we ended up covering this during the final of Great British Bake Off. First up, she was just as interested in John having a female flatmate as she was him having a boyfriend ... secondly her reaction to both was pretty much "Really?! Oh. Cool. That cake looks nice ..."

She completely is the single most person to me. I guess that's why in my head she was the hardest to tell. I also feel it affects her more than anyone else, which is why I fet pressure to get it right. And I don't know if there is a right way... But I'm sure there are wrong ways... And that's what I wanted to avoid. And I'm now reassured, both from the overwhelming support here, and her reaction, teamed with my own instincts... That I didn't do the wrong think :)

Ooh yeah bogey I never thought of that, I guess I feel you fall in love with the person, not so much the gender. Perhaps this has over ridden any previous preference she had? I don't know. But I do know.... I'm a lesbian and I don't have to hide anymore :) :) :) yipppppeeeee

It sounds like you handled that perfectly.

I always said trash tv was educational.... What better reason to drool over cakes than to use it as a way to educate your child on diversity. Sounds like a win win to me

Perfect age to bring it up, IMO. Sounds like you handled it perfectly and she took it really well! I wish you the very best of luck and hope you meet a lovely lady soon.

Welcome out Newly!
You handled it brilliantly with your dd. To her it just becomes another unremarkable thing about you rather than some huge shock when she is older.
We had some small friends (neighbours kids) of my 3yo DD to her 3rd Birthday. One of the mums told me afterwards that her 5yo DD had said to her after "mummy did you know FarelyKnutsDD has two mums? She's sooooooooo lucky!" :o

It's kind of relevant... I went to see Sandi Toksvig on tour a few weeks ago.
She was brilliant. Near the end she was talking about telling her daughter she was gay. She said her decision to discuss it with her children was prompted because she was coming out (I think she may even have said she was about to be outed) in the media and thought that the children ought to have a handle on it in case it came up in the playground. Her daughter was 5 or 6, but although she lived with two mummies, they'd not really talked about it as being out of the ordinary and they thought if kids were nasty about it the children might need to recognise that not everyone lived like that but it was ok if you were happy. With Sandi being prominent they were really worried about the impact it might have - famous gay mother.
So about a week later the little girl comes home from school and says "Mummy, they said in the playground that you were a lesbian."
Sandi said her heart sank as she assumed there'd be a story of name-calling and teasing to follow, so she said "Yes, darling, We've talked about it, haven't we? What did you say?" And her daughter said "I thought they must be some of those ignorant people you told us about so I said 'Yes Mummy is a lesbian. Is there anything you want to know about that?' and there wasn't so I played."

Kids are far more pragmatic than people give them credit for. Telling her now will just make it part of her life and not a shock as she grows older and starts to understand adult prejudices.

Haha, I just love what they come out with. I think my dd would currently think two mums means twice the nagging.... Best she doesn't think about it too much. Thanks again everyone :)
And kenleeee... I do too.... Now is just the challenge of how to meet someone :) but that's a challenge I'm excited about, I finally want to date :)

I saw a Stonewall advert on the bus a couple of days ago that said "Some people are gay. Get over it." I thought that was nicely to the point

It sounds like you and your DD have a wonderful relationship and I wish you both luck for the future.