AIBU to think my friend is taking the piss ?

[mylifesucks]

Long time lurker, first time poster.

I have a friend who I've known for ten years, and I'm starting to reach my limit with her. She is a LP like me, but she lives with her parents who are quite well off and she doesn't pay rent or bills (I know because she brags about this.)

Nearly every weekend she announces that she is coming to stay with me overnight, she never asks me if this is convenient, she just turns up with her 2 yr old DD in tow. They take my double bed and I end up sleeping on the sofa which isn't very uncomfortable! Her DD helps herself to all the food in my fridge and my friend just lets this happen, and after they've gone my house looks like a total tip thanks to her DD but my friend never offers to help. She even says "Oh it'll only take you 5 minutes to clear up" as she leaves!

Usually at some point she will announce she's popping out to see her boyfriend who lives near me, and she just leaves her DD with me without checking if I'm okay with this. She'll be gone for at least 2 hours. She will come back with some food or treats for her DD and nothing for my DD (4) despite having helped herself to our food. On one occasion her DD had finished all the yoghurts in my fridge and so I asked her to pick my up some more whilst she was out. She came back with a pack of 6 fromage frais, broke 3 off for me and told her I owed her 25 pence. On another occasion I asked her not to buy treats for her DD to eat in front of my DD, and rather than say she'd pick something up for her aswell she said she'd leave then so her DD could eat it in the car!

There are so many instances of this thoughtless behaviour but what happened last night has really wound me up. She turned up again last night this time without DD and things were going a bit better. But then she said "It's my birthday next week. You can get me a bottle of vodka and a bottle of shots. It'll only cost you 15 or 20 quid." I told her I was going to be doing my Christmas shopping for DD on Monday, and she said "Well can't you just do that in a couple of weeks?"

I'm so upset that she doesn't seem to have any concept of how selfish she is, or how much of a struggle it is for me trying to juggle bills and assumes that as a grown woman her birthday should take priority over my DD's christmas. On the other hand, I've known her such a long time and I don't have many close friends, so not sure I'm ready to cut her off. I know I need to grow some balls though cos it's making me dread the weekends! Any suggestions?

You sound like a tolerant, lovely friend, who quite frankly doesn't need to be treated like shit. Don't make yourself so available to her and remind yourself you deserve 'proper' friendships ( i'd NEVER treat a friend like she has !)

YANBU,

My mum was treated like this by her so called best friend. She allowed it because she has no one else. But her friend was toxic and a user. She also brought her daughter to our house who started to treat me in the same way. I had enough and finally told my mum what I thought of her friend. Looking back I could have been more subtle! But my mum finally dropped that cow- thank goodness. It was so horrible to watch.

This was totally a confidence issue. I just hope you find someone who is a decent friend :)

There are a lot of these friends around,it seems! This post really reminds me of the one where a so-called friend was coming to stay with her lp friend and expecting her tickets etc to be covered?

At any rate,you've got to put a stop to this and I think you know that.

You sound like a great friend to have OP.get rid of the old to make way for the new. She's actually contributing to the lowering of your self esteem. Have you tried MN local to get in touch with other mums in your area? You're worth more than this treatment. I'd text and say I'm busy for the next few wks. She sounds like the kind of person who would turn up anyway but that doesn't mean you have to answer the door. Anyone should be privileged to call you a friend. xx

I am what does she do for you! She sounds like real drain. DUMP her, and grow a pair. If she comes knocking on yur door don't answer, don't answer your phone, don't bloody get te cheeky mare a birthday resent, what did she get you on your birthday? Nothing probably. dump dump dump

My friend went to shag a bloke she met on the internet while I was in hospital having a severe asthma attack. I was terrified. I had previously let her live with me, looked after her dd, bought her stuff for her new house and moved her stuff. When I needed her I got fuck all. We are no longer friends.

It's great writing it down helped you realise what an arse she is.

Now you've two ways of dealing with this, confront her - this is the quickest option, she'll leave you alone in an outraged huff.

Option two is more passive aggressive, next time she announces make sure the only food she and her dd can find is stuff that has to be cooked or defrosted to make a meal, nothing that can be snaffled on the quiet. Leave your bed stripped, tell her you've a bad back and she's on the sofa. Don't make the bed up till you decide to turn in. When she goes out for her booty call take both children out to the park, time it so you know she'll have to hang around for a good hour not able to get in. Be a complete inconvenience to her.

If you can wrangle it, I would think it absolutely hilarious if you could manage to arrange to meet your new friend on the evening piss take friend is stopping and waltz out leaving her babysitting. You could pull such an innocent 'but I never mind when you go off to see booty call?'

I would not even let her in my house , she is horrid

How does a 2yo help herself to food from a fridge? Surely she wouldn't be able to reach? Or is it an under counter one?

Anyway, that's by the by. The woman is a piss-taker and you need to stand up for yourself and your DD. They are effectively stealing food and money from your child, and are taking over your weekend. Has she come over this weekend? Next time she turns up, tell her to sling her hook and shut your door. You don't run a fucking hotel do you? Thought not. Of course, she'll disappear then, because she's only your 'friend' while you let her use you and your home as she sees fit. Once you put a stop to it you won't see her for dust but let's face it, you'll be better off in every single way without her in your life.

Do not, under any circumstances, buy her the presents she ordered you to buy. Get her a cheap card - Card Factory are great - and tell her you can't afford to buy expensive presents for adults as you'll be buying your DDs Xmas present. I'd love to know what she got you for your birthday bet it wasn't much.

What great posts here, everyone in agreement.This user is NOT a friend.

You are worth more than this - don't let this dreadful woman into your life any more. You will make new friends, it sounds like you already have?

don't let her in!

She is a nasty bully, as hard as it is to stand up to a bully, please try. Your self worth and for your little girls sake it will be worth it. She isn't a friend.

You have to do something about this for your daughter, never mind for you. My 4yo would be devastated if someone ate all her strawberries, never mind her crisps. Also you are giving her the impression that you are worthless, which is an image she might grow to agree with, or worse, follow your example.

Having said all that though, I feel really sorry for you. I know how easy it is to get into a routine with friends and allow your world to go round them.

I wish you all the best

Clearly you are not worthless - should have made that clearer

Put a child-lock thing on your fridge to stop the little thief.

To give you perspective the last time friends of ours baby sat for dd we gave them dinner, pudding, posh biscuits, a box of malteasers and told them where the alcohol was kept and to help themselves. (They didn't.)

And I still think that they were doing us a massive favour!

Having someone look after your child and knowing they'll be safe with them is the best favour anyone can give you. She should've really grateful for that - never mind everything else.