To expect RSVP within a week?

[Eggrules]

We are arranging a party for DS in a few weeks. There are very limited numbers and there are many more DC that he would like to invite than can be accommodated. I have asked for an RSVP by the end of next week. I have no idea whom the parents are and have no way to get in touch.

20 invites were given out on Monday - first day back after half term. I have had 3 x yes and 1 maybe; any acknowledgement is very much appreciated.

DS doesn't always bring invitations home. I saw the class teacher about something else tonight and she mentioned that invitations went in bookbags on Monday.

I get an invitation, check the diary and send a response by text the same day. If things change I let hosts know. I have assumed that most people will check a book bag at least weekly. Is it unreasonable to expect a prompt response; any RSVP at all would be good .

I think you have sent them out a bit too early,I wouldn't like to commit to a date in a few weeks, which will be what, mid-December.

Invitations have been sent about three weeks before the (Nov) party.

socharlotte, out of interest, why can't you commit to a date in mid Dec? If you received such an invitation, how/when would you acknowledge or rsvp?

I agree with OP and always text to say yes or no as soon as my DC's receive an invite. It's just being polite especially if the party is a paid for activity.

A friend and I are organising our DD's shared party and I shall be harassing parents in the playground if I don't get a text or email

Most people reply round here. There are a couple though, that for all three parties dd has had since starting school have not RSVP ed, have turned up anyway with sibling in tow and asked for party bag for sibling. Actually, nor strictly true, for the last one I had prepared bags for the siblings who very nicely said thank you for inviting me to the party

YANBU OP.

I am with you 1 million percent!!!! I HATE it when people don't reply to a party invite (also goes for adults as well that don't bother to reply when invited or texted about something). Luckily with DS's nursery party, only 2 didn't reply and they were the 2 that didn't come (a polite "sorry can't make it" would have been nice but there we go). I did have to chase a couple of replies.

I always check bookbag straight after school and any invitation gets replied to straight away. I love texts, it is so easy and convenient and anyone who doesn't bother is either rude or lazy IMHO.

I am dreading this in a couple of months. I am booking bowling for DS's birthday and obviously this is a pay per head party so I will need definite answers in advance as if there is someone who can't make it, DS can invite someone in their place, but then I have to allow time for them to reply as well.

A mum had a class party recently and she said hardly anyone replied. Some she asked the day before if they were coming (asked the parents) and they said yes but didn't bother to turn up. The amount of food that was wasted was shocking. I did say to her that if people don't reply, I will assume they aren't coming rather than the other way around. It is rude and takes no time to reply to an invitation.

I would not do party bags for siblings, especially if the parent asked!!! How incredibly rude!

As I said before 9/10 people have mobile phones. Why is it so difficult to fire off a quick text, even if you don't know what your firm plans are?

Things would be much easier if I could choose my DS's friends.

Sibling thing is odd to me because I have an only. Also I am a twin and I never went to parties my siblings were invited to.

I know-astonishing really, but I did it this time because it kind of put me back in charge in some weird way, rather than feeling embarrassed and on the spot.

Get your ds to spread the word that if people don't reply asap then you won't be able to sort out party bags for them. It's amazing how much pester power a little kid has when a party bag is at stake

Send out a reminder message middle of this week - include a tear off slip for people to fill in and give back to you or put in book bags as an additional option. Ask for a mobile number and make a main list so that by the time of the party you have most of the contact numbers, and ask for allergies too.

Include the sentence mentioned above by midnite regarding not being able to accommodate people that don't reply due to finalising numbers with the venue. I'd also put in a sentence to the effect that again, due to limited numbers at the venue, it's not possible for siblings to stay or join the party. And something to say that if the child is not going to be with you but with a different parent then please could you have their contact number so you can organise it directly with that parent.

I'd book the minimum number of spaces you think you are likely to use and then increase the booking afterwards if you need to. Most venues are able to cater for more (although not all) and happy to accept extra money, whereas if you book for lots and then people don't turn up you are screwed into having to pay for them anyway. Talk to the venue and chat to them - say you've been talking to friends who had been horrified that when they had a party, siblings had been dropped off without any warning, what would happen in that case, would they be able to accommodate them? They might say yes we could stretch to a couple of extra places or yes, we can add lots or no, numbers is numbers and tough. That will let you know what to expect for adding late responders too

You could also say that you have had xx yes responses but are still waiting for yy responses so could you ring back as soon as you know about these - they might let you.

Always worth doing these things to ensure you pay as close to the right number of kids as possible. (and check the kids in when they come for a meal too - when ds1 had his first party in reception, still a bit unsure about all the kids. looking at the photos afterwards I asked ds1 who one of the little girls was. He didn't know and nor did any of the other mums at school - think she had just joined in to the party for a freebie meal and party bag (she didn't seem at all phazed to be in a party with people she didn't know) or she had ended up joining the wrong party!). Finally explained why there was no meal for ds2 despite being ordered and why we were charged an extra headcount!).

confuugled - I have sent DS in to ask non responders with the news that I need to order party bags.

My main frustration stays the same. I can't ask other children. Sounds like uninvited siblings will take the place of non rsvpers and those that don't turn up on the day.

One of the DC that asked for an invitation has siad he doesn't want to come because 'the party sounds rubblish'. No response from his parents and so I'm not sure how to take that. Not sure DC of that age are reliable sources of info.

Getting annoyed because people haven't yet replied to your invitation, despite the deadline still being 3 days away, how very odd. A deadline is a deadline for a reason - because anything prior to that is acceptable. YABU, if you wanted to know by the end of the first week, why didn't you just say that!

OP - you sent out invitations three weeks in advance. Next time, rather than using book bags, use the three weeks to cover all exits and entrances and speak to parents where possible personally.

Over the next year, take time on behalf of parents in the class to collect contact details for all parents in the class/year with a view to circulating them to those on the list so everyone can avoid the predicament of not having contact details. This is what happened at my DCs' primary school, and 11 years down the line I'm still using the same contact lists when trying to arrange lifts for 15 year olds across town.

DreamingOfTheMaldives - I am vexed because regardless of rsvp date, I think a text takes little effort and expense. I have been required to book 20 places and could invite others. 10 people have responded - I shouldn't have to pester people.

It appears there are many ways to look at an invitation/rsvp, including:

1. Acknowledge asap and/or respond when firm plans are known;
2. RSVP on or after the date requested (even if you know your LO will not attend);
3. Don't RSVP and turn up/ignore as you feel like (and not be invited next year)
4. Invitation gets loss in a blackhole.

Scholes34 - Classes are mixed year groups and change radically every year. I know at least 50% (Y2) of the class will change, probably more. He may only be with about 4/5 DC from his class this year.

I will see how this goes before I plan a party next year. Just a few friends for tea sounds fab.

It is very irritating.

I had DS's party at the weekend and only one nursery child responded in time. At least the others did respond however, even a bit later.

One of the parents texted me 2 days before to ask if it was still OK for her DD to attend. I said that's fine, we'd be delighted to have her DD. Then she replies asking if her older DS could come as well (I had met the DH a few weeks ago at another nursery party and in passing said I was going invite his DD and he can bring along his DS as well, as at the time I didn't think we were tight for spaces. He had brought his DS along to this party - and I don't think he was invited anyway). I was taken aback a bit, because even though I had previously mentioned the brother could come, number did become tight and I worded the invitation specifying DD's name only, and when I texted her I only mentioned the DD, assuming she's realise the invite extended only to her. But as I did say they could bring their DS, I said that is fine, bring him along too.
On the day of the party, they came an hour late and didn't bring their DS after all, even though I had catered for him.

I hate childrens parties I really do. I have loads this month as all my NCT mates are having parties for their LOs. Luckily I will be able to miss a couple as I am away.

Eggrules, I completely agree that reply to an invitation only takes a few seconds by text but you set a deadline of the end of this week. If they haven't replied by the deadline, then I accept that is rude and I understand you getting vexed about having to chase them up. You don't HAVE to chase them up yet, as the deadline hasn't arrived, you are choosing to do this early. It is rather rude to be suggesting that people have done anything wrong in not meeting your imaginary deadline, which is 7 days earlier that the one you told everyone.

Why set a deadline so far in advance if really you wanted them to have responded by now??

you asked for people to reply by the end of next week...

...and you are already getting agitated? They still have loads of time to reply, don't they?

sorry but that is just weird.

As I now understand that some people will not respond until the rsvp date (or later or not at all), I will in future set it earlier and state that I will assume they aren't coming unless they respond.

I always respond asap and don't wait for the rsvp date. I am not expecting the enclosed rsvp slip to be returned. An acknowledgement in person by text takes no time or effort at all. If an RVSP date is given, it is the last date by which to respond. I don't understand why you would wait, especially if you have plans and know you can't come.

Some people never respond .

One child was not originally invited and was upset. He asked my DS for an invitation which he took the next day. This child has since said he doesn't want to come as the party 'sounds rubbish' (whatever). If his parents responded (at all) I could invite someone else.

You are taking this all way too seriously.

To you this party is a huge event. To others t is just another thing to be fitted into the diary, and they may have other commitments like football matches that they do not know the exact time of yet ( or whether t is an away match or not), or maybe a family member said they would come and take them out, but no time has been set yet. Siblings of the invitee have parties too, and maybe husband has his own sports event to which he wants to take the car, so the mum does not want to confirm until she has sorted transport. That is what my weekends are like anyway.

You obviously live a different sort of life. But not everybody lives like you.

YANBU!!!
How much effort does it take to send a text?
I have a party booked for Sunday 18th Nov for my DD, she handed the invites out 3 weeks ago and i have only heard from half.
But i will be expected to pay for them if they bother to turn up.
AAAAHHHH

My life sounds as busy as yours Chandon. My "sort of life" is that I have an only; DS has swimming and karate and I work both days, every weekend. Three days until rsvp deadline is a lot of time. If they reply, great - I don't understand why people wait but I will be thrilled to know either way.

If there isn't anything already in the calendar we go. If there is and it can be changed, we juggle plans. If things can't be changed we say no thanks. I respond straight away because I know what a pita organising a party is.

Of course I understand that this party will be an important event for my family and not for any one else. Your response is from the point of view of a guest. As a host how do you deal with with rsvps (or the lack of them)?

hoodoo12345 But i will be expected to pay for them if they bother to turn up. How much effort does it take to send a text? I hear you.

Also I am generally pissed off and have a lot on my plate. To be fair this would have made my shit list anyway.

I have already said I accept I may be unreasonable in expecting a reply with a week which was my original conundrum.

YANBU!!
I put invitations in the pigeon holes of the 5 kids my DS wanted to come to his party. Pigeon hole contents are emptied by parents. 1 parent has come up to say her ds could come. The rest... Nothing. How much effort would a text take? Bah. My major strategy is to get my son to tell his friends to get their parents to reply. Not so easy with 4 year olds. I will now have to chase after the parents in the lobby.
People suck.

I'm going to get my ds to try pester power tomorrow. (big sigh)

Of struggle to reply within a week and until very recently when my lovely dad bought me an iPhone I had a house brick that wasn't easy to text one. As it is my work contract restricts the number of texts to 50 per month.

I work weekends - the children are collected from school on Fridays by grandparents and look after them sat. Often to reply to an invite I have to check their schedule (dad had footy season ticket is here a home game on- does dd have dance rehearsal. Will someone else l

Someone else look after ds whilst dd goes to the party and vice versa

It would not occur to me to reply until I had a def yes or no except in the case if my cousins wedding when I told her in April I couldn't tell her whether u was free in aug as dd had a recall for a lead part in a show and if she got it rehearsals were on that week 40 miles away.

Do yabu if you needed to know sooner put an earlier date. I would prob have declined but having a bit longer might give me the extra time to dirt something.