To expect RSVP within a week?

[Eggrules]

We are arranging a party for DS in a few weeks. There are very limited numbers and there are many more DC that he would like to invite than can be accommodated. I have asked for an RSVP by the end of next week. I have no idea whom the parents are and have no way to get in touch.

20 invites were given out on Monday - first day back after half term. I have had 3 x yes and 1 maybe; any acknowledgement is very much appreciated.

DS doesn't always bring invitations home. I saw the class teacher about something else tonight and she mentioned that invitations went in bookbags on Monday.

I get an invitation, check the diary and send a response by text the same day. If things change I let hosts know. I have assumed that most people will check a book bag at least weekly. Is it unreasonable to expect a prompt response; any RSVP at all would be good .

That is why The children who came to dcs parties were those I actually knew....ie they came regularly for tea, knew their parents etc.

Very rude of people not to RSVP.
As if they're not committing as they're waiting for a better offer.

I always reply in a timely manner but not always the same day, and I don't think it's rude to not reply on the same day.

Round here people send invites out 3 or 4 weeks in advance with a deadline to RSVP by a certain date. I always respond by the deadline but not necessarily immediately - we don't always know what we;re up to,

YANBU at all to expect an RSVP though. Just, you know, jsut because you do it the same day doesn't mean that you should expect that of everyone.

I found an invite for a party in my daughters book bag last night, for a party today! I check her book bag every night as it appears to be the mode of communication between school and home and there was nothing there all week (bar more letters begging for money for some activity or other!) My daughter tells me the teaching assistant in her class gave them out yesterday. Seriously, who invites people to a children's party with a day's notice? I have not bothered to RSVP (and I nearly always do and get quite cross like the OP if people don't RSVP) because I just can't believe anyone could be that daft. I always give at least 2-3 weeks notice, often a lot more and thought that was the norm. As it is my daughter has another party to attend today as well as her sister's own birthday dinner so we can't go anyway. Mind you it could be that we were an after thought and my daughter was invited at the last minute because someone else declined. I don't know and I don't care, I loathe children's parties a d can't wait to be rid of them!

I am less vexed today.

I don't expect a reply the same day; I think it's good manners though. Regardless of the RSVP date, I think a week is a reasonable time to either acknowledge the invitation (if you won't know until the last minute) or check commitments and say yes or no. I am bu to expect people to respond before the RSVP date. I take the RSVP date is as the last possible point by which to respond rather than the first contact.

Invitations have been sent around three weeks before the party and I gave 2 weeks to RSVP in the hopes that people would make some sort of acknowledgement.

School mixed classes every year and DS has invited the guests. I don't think it's the fault of the DC that their parents and so I wouldn't send them away. I will say something to the parents though.

sleeplessinsuburbia these things happen, not to 80% of people though.

My DS wants to invite more people than the venue will allow. I am hoping that if people can't come, they give enough notice so that someone else can attend. I don't see that as an afterthought but I wouldn't invite another child the day before a party.

"I don't expect a reply the same day; I think it's good manners though"

Sorry, but I think that that implies you think it's bad manners to not reply same day. I think that makes you sound rather demanding and inflexible. I will reply as soon as I can, and before the RSVP date, but not replying THAT VERY DAY does not make me bad mannered.

I think I demonstrate good manners and consideration by responding asap. I don't think it's bad manners not to respond the day the invitation is received. It doesn't have to be the two extremes.

It's OK to respond as soon as you can, especially if you are going to say no. I think a response within a week is doable for everyone. Even those people that are so much busier than the rest of us .

DS had a combat games party for his 12th. Find something expensive enough & they still love parties up to any age.

In my experience only about 1/10 of those who didn't reply will turn up. Plus one or 2 who did say YES will not turn up (vomitting or otherwise indisposed).

Several will RSVP YES after deadline & up to a few days after the actual party is held.

Not making excuses, just trying to help you cope. Suppose by the deadline you have 8 Yeses and 1 Maybe. I would book the venue for 10, chase up the maybe, and invite 5 more. In my experience the venue will happily accommodate a few extra, happy to charge you extra. They are quite used to these things going awry. As long as they're insured & equipped for the numbers they can cope.

Went thru this myself for DD's 11th birthday. The problem was not venue limits but knowing how many to cater for.

lljkk I may look for something expensive for no more than 5 people next year.

Venue is booked for 20 and I don't want to waste money. Classes are mixed up and so DS wants to invite DC from both - his list was about 40.

dd's party (a bowling one) is today and there are 2 people who havent replied at all, I have 1 maybe and then I have 1 girl that is supposed to be going but has been off school all week. Just hope we get the 6 minimum turning up so dd can have a decent party.

backinthebox But do you tell the inviter that or do you just keep them guessing???

At DS2's last party a mother contact me to say her son would really love to come to the party but there may or may not be a family commitment that would prevent them doing so and could she let me know by 'X' date?? That's fine. At least you know where you stand (in the end they came but had to leave early).

It's the just complete lack of communication that drives me crazy and is just so rude.

Well we had our party and out of 17 invited 10 came. One didnt come who said they would, the one who wasnt sure didnt and my good friend who didnt rsvp didnt come either.

We had a great time though and 11 kids running about seemed enough really! I think next year i will just assume that at least a third wont come and invite the extra children i felt i couldnt invite due to maximum numbers.

have now had dd's bowling party and the girl that was a 'maybe' didnt come, everyone who said they could come were there and the 2 that didnt reply didnt come either.

YANBU. I think people should acknowledge an invitation and at least give a vague indication of their intentions as soon as they can to show appreciation and respect. A friend of mine had people - old friends - not even respond to her wedding invitation; and my brother completely over catered his 40th assuming non-respondents were coming. It was upsetting for both and I felt furious on their behalf.

I feel exactly the same. I have arranged a party for my ds for next sunday and i'm still waiting on 3 replies. I put an rsvp by 1st november which gave parents two weeks.....

I'm a teacher and from organising school trips i really should have known better

Put the date you want replies by as your RSVP date. Don't turn it into a test of manners. That's daft.

The problem I have with putting a RSVP for a child's party is the fact that you're always going to get people who reply the day before saying "sorry" they lost the invitation. So what are you going to do? You can't tell them not to come anymore because they replied late surely? So in actual facts it really doesn't matter if you put a RSVP or not. You basically have only a very vague idea of actual numbers.

CaptainSolo and Yika you have described the crux of the matter. There are people that do not respond in any way to an invitation. They must never host parties.

witchface Glad your party went well. Frustrating to have to chase and then only 60% come. Does your good friend have form for this?

vodkaanddietirnbru - hope you had at least 6 and that your DC enjoyed thw party.

TheFallenMadonna - The timing of a response isn't a test of manners; My Comments were in response to ticktockcroc. With DC you can never be sure an invitation has arrived; any acknowledgement is very much appreciated. I respond to the day an invitation arrives out of consideration.

I still think it is possible for most parents to respond within a week. 100% should respond by the RSVP date. Never responding to invitations, is very poor manners and extremely rude .

AnnaLiza - Mishaps happen and invitations get lost. In this circumstance, a response the day before is fine. I think next year I will annotate the invitation to say I'll assume you can't come if you don't RSVP by xyz.

i gave out 20 invites on tuesday. I have had 2 texts to say people can come. If no response by next tuesday, another note will go in the bag asking for confirmation re party bags/food.
the party i have paid for accomodates 20 children.There are 26 in the class, so i have invited all the girls, and some boys, with the idea that not everyone will come, so once i know, i can invite some more boys.

its a long time since i did all of this!

on the positive side, its all booked and paid for and the price is the same regardless of numbers. Not like the farm party booked for dd2 that was £10 per head, paid in advance and no refunds and practically no-one came cos her birthday is 4th September. That was a lesson learned!

avivabeaver - If DS is invited to a party we usually go. He doesn't enjoy football parties and so if he gets and invitation for another of those we will probably say no. How awful for your DD2. Hopefully the people that attended were close friends and she had an ace time.

I am very concerned about people not coming. We have had to pay for 20 and order food. If people only said no, we could invite more guests.

Last year was the first time we hosted a formal party. Afterwards, I felt a bit like 'no good deed goes unpunished'. A minority of people are very rude. I was hoping they may more considerate now they hosted themselves .

Things I did not expect:
Entire families with siblings came - one family, GPs came 40 mins before the end;
Gift bags were returned as 'unsuitable';
Siblings joined in and asked for party bags;
One mum asked for different food because this was her dds tea.

We all have very different experience and expectations. I don't care if/ what DS eats at parties.

this is very annoying but totally normal. i had only a third of rsvps for my wedding back by the official deadline.

Rude. Did they just turn up?