To not to want to make the effort all the time??

[notanypixie]

Thought about putting this in relationships but its more me wanting to know if I really am being unreasonable, first time I have done a AIBU thread so I hope I don't regret it, but need honest opinions. cringe..
I namechanged as some know me on here in RL

I had a falling out more me shouting at DH this morning. We don't argue (he's way to laid back and hates arguments), we have a great relationship, cuddle up every eve bar when he does sport but don't get much time out on dates etc as money is very tight, great dad etc etc Married 7 years together for 9 and 3 DC.

We have what I think is a good active sex life however I feel like its constantly me that puts things in motion. I go out my way to dress up, have sex downstairs (hate this as although I am lucky to be slim I feel DC wrecked me..same old story) send texts etc. Just the other day I sent one and he came home 10 mins later on lunch so its not that he doesn't want me as I know he does.

Anyway yesterday I sent some kinky texts, made lovely dinner etc etc, we went to bed watched a film and he didn't even get undressed laid on bed watching film etc in the end I fell asleep. I'm so fed up of being the one to intiate anything. Had we had gone up and I had kissed him etc we would have got it on and don't get me wrong it would have been good. But I am now getting to the point where I am fed up.

I am not a big one for cuddles and kisses in the day (DH has said about this before) I do try though..

So if you are still with me I had a shouty rant basically saying the above and DH went off to work without saying much. Am I in the wrong to demand he actually comes on to me? A friend pointed out to me this morning however that has it always been me intiating, which it has so maybe he doesn't bother because of this? I go through this pretty much every month. We tend to go through motions of sex every other day one week to once a week the next.

just frustrating!

[schmee]

It worries me that you say that you have sex downstairs even though you "hate" it. I may be totally off the mark, but it sounds to me like you are very focussed on having a very active sex life, perhaps because you are concerned that it is what you should be having. I sense that you are concerned that it means your husband doesn't find you attractive if you aren't in the throes of passion.

Your DH sounds like he loves you a lot, but perhaps would like more affection and less swinging from the chandeliers (your comment about him wanting kisses and cuddles during the day).

Why not just relax and see what happens? Listen to your own libido and look for subtle signs from your husband.

[notanypixie]

well I don't hate the sex downstairs but dislike that its brighter down here

I'm by no means swinging by the way! I wouldn't say we had a very active sex life, active yes but not very?

[notanypixie]

Christine tried that option but with us together. Maybe we made the wrong choice of product as I hate it!

[schmee]

Probably active compared to mine!

[ClippedPhoenix]

I'm also inclined to say to you to maybe back off a bit here.

[notanypixie]

I just don't see me as a sex pest BUT I asked for honesty so will take it on board and have a talk with him tonight. I will update.
Thanks all

[ClippedPhoenix]

Do you see sex as a big way to measure love within a relationship?

You're coming across as being rather insecure about yourself.

[notanypixie]

You wouldn't be far off the mark. I'm pretty insecure about myself. Not really thought of it as a way to measure love so I guess the answer to that is no. We went without for a long time and he has stood by me through worse so I know he loves me very much it's just me wanting?

[ClippedPhoenix]

You seem to be setting yourself up for a fall quite a bit there.

Relax about it all and go for subtle signals rather than the kamakazi approach (said in a kind way OP)

[notanypixie]

Thankyou

[FredFredGeorge]

You wouldn't go to Ann Summers for anything other than Joke nights out in the pub surely? If you really want to invest in your sex life there are a lot better options outside of high street comedy ideas.

Just talk to your DH, don't worry about being subtle - it may be exactly what he doesn't want. Just talk about sex with the man you do it with! Find out what he wants and how you can meet it with things you want and tell him what you want and find out how he can meet it with things he wants.

Talk to him - then you're not a sex pest - just an Adult.