Aibu? Sexism in the office

[TheMysteryCat]

From a woman perpetuating the myth that women in professional industries should be old-fashioned, tea making, telephone answering, tidiers...

It's driving me insane. Small professional company with a female secretary in her mid fifties, a group of men ( professionals and juniors) and me (managerial, but not her manager).

She seems to think that just because I'm female ("the men can't make tea, or answer phones"), that I should be the de facto skivvy if she's unavailable. It's driving me crackers.

I really want to tell her to sod off and that neither of us should be chasing round making teas and coffees, washing up, tidying up or answer their phone calls.

Would I be unreasonable to try and change her attitude? There is btw an office junior... But he's a man, so exempt! Bah!

My secretary used to buy me knickers when I was really busy and would work through the night. She didn't mind though just thought I was mad for working such crazy hours I so envied her 5.30 finishes. Needless to say don't work there any more!

if it helps, I make tea in places where making tea is seen as s gift by the maker to the recipient, and where recieving tea is seen by the recipient as a circumstatial gift by the tea maker.

in places where making tea is used as a definition of subservience and recieving tea as an expression of dominance I will never make the tea or recieve the tea.

in the same way that if ansering the phone or implementing policy is seen as demeaning, (employers with a public school intake take note) no-one answers the phone or implements policy. Bad management mistake!

sorry I meant in the same way that if answering the phone or implementing policy is seen as demeaning, no-one feels good about answering the phone or implemeting policy often it doesn't get done (employers with a public school intake take note)

i think it is totally wrong to ascribe dominance or subservience to certain roles. What I think is sometimes suprisung is that jobs done by women in the past are seen by women now to be subservient even if they are important and by todays standards would be paid more.

eg I am surprised when a female professional won't take minutes because they think that because it was a female job in the past it is therefore demeaning to do it. In fact taking minutes is a highly important job in operations management . The fact that important jobs done by women in the past were underpaid because they were done by women doesn't automatically reduce their importance now they are done by both genders.

in fact I would say that being professionally subservient to the organisation is what senior (formerly men) do anyway, and the issue is just that PAs women or men should have be paid as managers of the most senior members of staff (i.e. making their job psychologically as well as practically challenging) in the past, and should be paid at that grade now. Even though they are assisting, in fact they are 'serving to lead' which is a professional skill.

Tea making can be part of managing and 'produicing' in a musician sense staff that are most senior so is not inherently 'demeaning'

Are you in charge of any juniors ? If so next time she asks you to do the teas say "I'll get one if my boys to help you - Alan could help Pearl with the coffees please ".

Still make the occasional round especially if you're spitting feathers and isn't the allotted tea time

Yes WB. I used to have a male boss, and I was in charge of a small team that were mostly all male. He used to ask us to make teas very occasionally for meetings in his office. He always made a point of asking the most junior person in my team, who was invariably a man. Because of this I had no problem every now and again saying "I was making one anyway, I'll do them". As I said, he did this maybe once every couple of months where it would have been appropriate for him to disappear off for 10 minutes. I also used to offer if someone junior to me was having a meeting with external people, as they did for me. It was common sense and manners that the person having the meeting wanted to be in the meeting rather than making drinks!

wouldn't have been appropriate I mean

Guy at work made comments about me having to make the tea for my team as I'm just a woman and should be at home cleaning anyway. Lets just say his tea ended up with ear wax in it!!!

You sound like a bit of an arsehole, catgirl. If you'd sat your mug on my desk I'd have put it in the bin.

(Saying that is PA to a CEO who would have fully supported me in doing this!).

But in our company it would be your job daddy.

I didnt see much sexism in the offices I worked in. The trick with "banter" is to see if it upsets someone and if it does, cut it out.

If she wants to run around like a mother hen making people tea and tidying up after them, well let her at it.

But refuse to fill in for her when she's out. Also, how on earth does she impose this 'tea/coffee twice a day at prescribed times' rule???

All the more to be thankful that I don't work in your company, then, eh. Sounds delightful.

No. It's shit. As I am frequently pointing out.

Shame.

" Is there the office equivalent of "did you mean to be so rude?" "
How about, "That is not in the Policies & Procedures Manual." ?

Back in the days when I was a PA, the office wanker told people he'd shagged me on a work's do, he most definitely hadn't, I didn't even talk to him that evening was having a meeting and asked me to get the coffees for everyone. I did it. Everyone else's coffees were alright, but his most definitely wasn't. There may have been some dishcloth water and phlegm involved.

Back in the 80's I was the office junior in a bank branch. It was part of my job to ask everyone in the office what they wanted me to fetch from the bakery for their teabreak, then go and get it. I also made tea/coffee for the Branch Manager, Branch Accountant and Third Officer. It was also my job to answer the telephone.

But then, the office junior I took over from was a bloke, and so was the junior who took over from me. So I never regarded it as what-I-should-do-because-I'm-the-female.

I'm intrigued. How does she enforce her mad rule about teabreaks?

She tells me that I'm/others are drinking too much coffee, makes snidely comments and starts moaning to all the office that she's got buy more because the supply is going down.

She will only permit one chocolate biscuit once a day, which she puts on the desk. She then hides the biscuits.

Does she confiscate the kettle? Keep the biscuits under lock and key?

In my last-but-one office we had a laminated spreadsheet of who drank what drink (by number, from the machine, classy ) at what time (am/pm, first drink coffee only/subsequent drinks all tea - it was a work of art), and someone engineered a tray that had holes in for 9 machine cups; and whoever broke first got thirsty just picked up the tray and order sheet, walked to the machine, got the right drinks, plonked on the right desk. A five minute job and even the big boss guy was capable of doing it.

She will only permit one chocolate biscuit once a day, which she puts on the desk. She then hides the biscuits

FIND THEM

EAT MOVE THEM

Keep your own biscuits in your desk. Munch them at her very slowly.

If she has to buy more because all the coffee is being drunk then, errr, what is the problem with that, actually?

I work in a place where "shall we have a cup of tea?" is a nice thing, and the only acceptable responses are "yes please" or "not right now". "It's not tea time" is not an acceptable response.

She is both bonkers and sexist.

What do "the men" think about this? Are they happy for her to insist that you make tea and they don't?