Aibu? Sexism in the office

[TheMysteryCat]

From a woman perpetuating the myth that women in professional industries should be old-fashioned, tea making, telephone answering, tidiers...

It's driving me insane. Small professional company with a female secretary in her mid fifties, a group of men ( professionals and juniors) and me (managerial, but not her manager).

She seems to think that just because I'm female ("the men can't make tea, or answer phones"), that I should be the de facto skivvy if she's unavailable. It's driving me crackers.

I really want to tell her to sod off and that neither of us should be chasing round making teas and coffees, washing up, tidying up or answer their phone calls.

Would I be unreasonable to try and change her attitude? There is btw an office junior... But he's a man, so exempt! Bah!

The chippy PA is only in her 20s

The other senior PA where I work is in her 50s and is Lovely. Really capable and no attitude. Certainly no bonkers tea / biscuits rules. I would marry her if I could. I love her.

Not so much chippy-face though.

catgirl Coincidentaly enough, I broke her out of that little misconception by getting her to make me a tea every morning. By putting my cup on her desk and saying "tea, no sugar please xx" in a nice, but firm tone.

Is making tea for you in her job description or were you just pulling rank?

twofingers no. She uses her age as a status chip, as I tried to explain further down.

Completely agree with that. I'm not in the tea round at work and feel a bit of a meanie. But my coffee routine is open jar, tip some in, put kettle on, when it's boiled, pour water in. Takes about 10 seconds + boiling time. Damned if I'm going to faff around collecting mugs, squeezing tea bags, remembering who likes it "milky" and who has one and a half sugars...
And I don't like people making my coffee! They always leave room for the milk even though I have it black. and they always stir it with a filthy looking spoon.
Bah humbug.

Would "I'm sorry that's not part of my job" be a rough equivalent of "did you mean to be so rude?"

If she persists, repeat without the "I'm sorry."

Oh and I do always refill the kettle and set it boiling for their next mammoth coffee round

Making tea is in her job spec. However, if she hadn't been a stuck up little madam, I wouldn't have invoked it.

say 'I don't care about tea AND YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT TEA BECAUSE I DON'T CARE ABOUT TEA'

Then have lots of traumatic dreams about people beating up your granny..

shriiieek I think opting out of her routine entirely may well be the path of least resistance.

I might bring in some biscuits and plonk them in the middle of the office and tell everyone to help themselves when they feel like it!

I'd be more pissed off at your agism stance than her alleged sexism TBH

What sort of place has tea making in the 'job spec' for goodness sake (except perhaps if the workplace is a tea/coffee shop)? Are we still in the nineteen sixties?

This thread is a real eye-opener.

I am often too busy to make tea / coffee for myself. I have my own PA who does that for me and for a while made chippy PA do it in the mornings to knock off a bit of attitude.

On the odd occasion where I am not mega busy, I will make my PA a cup. But I am often too busy. I rarely get a lunch break and work 60+ hours per week. It is an old fashioned workplace / industry I suppose.

ophelia my ageism? I'm younger than her and she thinks it's ok to treat me like a junior based on my age and sex, even though I hold a higher level job... And that makes me ageist?

I don't follow.

It's not a hierarchy thing so much as a "Senior management are too busy and their time is too expensive to have them hanging about in the kitchen. PA's are employed spefically to assist the Senior managers by making thier lives easier be it by making tea, writing a report or grabbing them a sandwich type thing"

"the men can't make tea, or answer phones"

Does she actually say this? Do you reply 'why not'? Surely men answer phones in most professional jobs?

It all sounds very odd tbh. I have never worked anywhere where someone would try to dictate to their colleagues when they're allowed to have a cup of tea .

I wouldn't try to change her attitude. I'd just get on with my own job and do my own thing as far as possible.

ephiny yes, she does say this. It's because "they are too busy".

I am very relieved I don't work in an office where I would be expected to grab other staff members' sandwiches for them because they are 'too busy/important/expensive/whatever' to get their own.
How demeaning. Why would you even ask or expect someone to do that for you in the workplace? PAs are not general servants, are they?

It's not a hierarchy thing so much as a "Senior management are too busy and their time is too expensive to have them hanging about in the kitchen.

That sounds exactly like a hierarchy thing then... I'm more expensive than you, therefore you can go and buy my lunch underling...

I found an easy way of getting out of the whose-turn-is-it-to-make-the-tea routine. I began to take my own flask so that no one had to make tea for me and I didn't have to make tea for anyone else.

When it was a small company and Christmas was approaching, I made a mince pie for everyone (30). Eventually the number of staff grew and I had one year when I made 120. I stopped then. I love to make mince pies but I can't go down the route of making just one mince pie so don't make them at all.

That's an idea! Who'd like to come round for mince pies and mulled wine? I can get back into the batch making mode (if I don't drink the mulled wine before you all arrive).

No livid. I'm not that bad :)

The Senior Partners PA does all that and more for him though

But as I don't have time for a lunchbreak and my PA is paid to assist me, then I don't have an issue with asking her to get me some food that I can try to eat at my desk whilst working. It is, after all, her job to assist me personally. Hence her job title.

I am actually a very nice boss. But I need to eat sometimes.

twofingers I agree it is demeaning to me and her. I've no idea why she treats it as something to take pride in.

Some twenty years ago at my first job I had to make tea for 15 people three times a day. I was off sick and came back the following day to find my desk covered in used tea bags and coffee grounds. One of the other staff members put it there because they were pusses off they had to do the tea runs in my absence.

It's all archaic bollocks.

Pusses? Oops! Pissed off is what I meant

Mystery, that's just horrible about the tea bags!