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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be very hurt and angry

64 replies

PrincessSymbian · 07/11/2012 21:43

With my sister, as I have garnered a place in an art show for a couple of weeks time and her response to being told that I'd appreciate her support was that she would be working in the morning and then catching up on some sleep in the afternoon, "send me some pictures while I'm working"
Background she is 21, doing an access to nursing and working part time in Sainsburys but she, apparently, is not getting enough time for herself.
More background, I was doing some research for a job this morning that would be medically based and she told me that (I hadn't asked, nor was I going to) she'd stay to help, only she was off to the gym.

OP posts:
GhostShip · 07/11/2012 22:39

Hahaha that's exactly it worra :o

hiddenhome · 07/11/2012 22:41

Why do you need all these people to go with you? How old are you?

MrsGhastlyCrumb · 07/11/2012 22:43

I think there's more to this, isn't there, based on your last post? This has obviously annoyed you because of underlying issues in your relationship.

The situation you outlined in your OP? YABU. However, maybe she is a total cow a lot of the time, and this is just another straw for you. Even so- as other people have said- she is 21!

(Incidentally, I don't think my sister has been to any of my exhibitions, and we're really close..!)

WorraLiberty · 07/11/2012 22:47

I don't see what "she is 21" has to do with it? Confused

The fact is, she is busy and needs to work and sleep.

The OP isn't going without family support as two member of her immediate family will be there.

katiecubs · 07/11/2012 22:48

Perhaps you are being a little bit if a 'princess' here. And you say she Is demanding! Leave her to enjoy her life, she's only young and am sure she has a million better things she could be doing.

mutny · 07/11/2012 22:48

Op how old are you? Is there a big age gap?

If you were disappointed, a but, I could get that. But this reaction, I don't.

Pontouf · 07/11/2012 22:48

I think it depends on how big a deal this is for you? If this is one of many art shows you've done and they are fairly regular so she can just catch the next one then YABU. However from your OP it Seems this is a big deal for you. If your sister is aware that this really means a lot to you then YANBU. As an aside I think that excusing yourself from an event by saying you're going to be catching up on some sleep in the afternoon is bloody rude (unless you are a night shift worker/parent of a newborn/doing 48 hour shifts down a coal pit etc

katiecubs · 07/11/2012 22:49

Well Worra as a 21 year old student, like most of my friends, I was a selfish little bitch :)

GhostShip · 07/11/2012 22:51

I'm a 21 year old student and I'm not a selfish little bitch so lets stop with the patronising generalised statements of well she is just 21

MrsGhastlyCrumb · 07/11/2012 22:54

Fair point, Worra- but I imagine most people mean what I meant- that at 21 we were pretty wrapped up in our own stuff and lives and less thoughtful, so cut her a little slack?

Pontouf, she will be doing shift work, I imagine, and spending a lot of time on her feet as well as studying. Sleeping in the afternoon isn't unreasonable at all in those circs.

GhostShip · 07/11/2012 22:55

And Pontouf - you can't really say that since you don't know her college or work shift patterns

BookFairy · 07/11/2012 22:55

I don't think YABU. It's a bit sad that your sister can't be bothered to pop by for 5 minutes to give you some support.

katiecubs · 07/11/2012 22:57

Not sure it is generalising really - just peoples experiences. I think at 21, in some ways, it's good to think enjoy yourself without stressing too much about other people. It's a fun age, or it should be!

GhostShip · 07/11/2012 23:01

Of course it's generalising. Your stereotyping all 21 year olds as reckless, selfish and even a tad ditzy

Some of us have provided for ourselves from our teens, have worked, looked after others, and been adults in every sense of the word :)

Not having a go, I just don't like the rolling of eyes at her age

WorraLiberty · 07/11/2012 23:04

I was selfish and thought the world revolved around me at 15,16,17,18,19yrs but by 20 and 21 I was very different.

Different strokes and all that jazz

katiecubs · 07/11/2012 23:05

I said 'me and my friends' how is that generalising?! Just my personal experience.

Of course no experiences apply to everyone - that's just life.

GhostShip · 07/11/2012 23:07

Which was in reply to worra who was questioning why people were going on about her being 21. Which would suggest you were trying to back people's points up by using you and your friends as an example?

Never mind anyway.

katiecubs · 07/11/2012 23:13

And what's wrong with that?! OP is asking for opinions.

Mine is that at 21 she should be excused for being a little bit selfish and thinking about herself. Yours is that at 21 you are not selfish and that should'nt be a factor etc.

Fair play. Just differant experiences.

Original poster
PrincessSymbian · 07/11/2012 23:16

She is not on placement. She is not doing shift work. She is very selfish and self-absorbed, gets people to run around after her, then gets pissy when they get it wrong.
And yes, this is a big deal for me.

OP posts:
TheCraicDealer · 07/11/2012 23:21

Do you want her support or do you want her to be there to bask in your glory? Because she doesn't sound like a terribly supportive sister, 21 or not, so I don't understand why you would be looking to her to be "there" for you in the first place.

Look, the art show is a fabulous coup, be proud of what you've achieved. Do not force or strong arm someone who doesn't want to go into attending, because all you will see is their sour bake and it'll ruin the day. Have you mum and dad fawn over you and enjoy it.

WorraLiberty · 07/11/2012 23:24

Exactly, it's a big deal for you

Take photos, tell her all about it...I'm sure she'll be proud of you and happy that you're happy.

But it's a bad idea to get the hump because she's not putting her life on hold to be there when you're parents are going to be there anyway.

katiecubs · 07/11/2012 23:27

You don't sound like you think very much of her OP.

If she is as bad as you say why the hell would you even want her there?

If this is a big deal for you I would stick to having your mum and dad only who will be truly supportive.

hiddenhome · 07/11/2012 23:30

You all sound very self absorbed and attention seeking tbh Hmm

Just go and look at the art yourself. Perhaps nobody else is that interested. Everyone has their own lives and it's not like you're married to her or something.

Original poster
PrincessSymbian · 07/11/2012 23:38

Hidden, it's some of my art that is going on display. As for haranguing her, I shall not even be mentioning it to her again.
I want to like my sister, I always start getting close to her and them she does something like this, just being utterly dismissive.
Oh well, I'm sure one day I will learn.

OP posts:
katiecubs · 07/11/2012 23:44

Don't dismiss her just for this. I have sisters and wouldn't have taken offence at a similar situation.

Just accept it and move on. you never know she may surprise you and turn up or just give you a call to wish you luck!