To want to stop "sharing" DS at Christmas- Long

[Goodbyetonsils]

Ds' father left me when I was pregnant. Since then, he has had ds stay with him for 4 days a month (he lives a couple of hours away). I grew up with a father and really wanted ex involved as much as possible.

My ds does not want to see his dad, he is 4, tells me his dad hits him (which I'm sure he doesn't, ds wants me to stop "making" him go to his dads), he is hysterical every time he has to go.

Since ds began school, he now sees his df for a weekend a month- ex says he cannot afford to have him every other month (travel costs) despite visiting his long distance girlfriend far more often. He has no contact with ds in between visits- health visitors have told him how important it is to make contact with ds to help him to be less anxious about seeing him. I have begged him to make more of an effort, we got Skype but after a few weeks he always says his internet won't work/he's busy etc.

He didn't attend ds' parents evening (said he had no money), doesn't want any input in decisions (for e.g. when choosing what school to send ds to he told me to sort it out as he "trusted" my judgement). Doesn't attend important doctors appointments, saying he can't miss uni or can't afford it. He won't get a job because he is in uni- despite many other students manage it- he is exempt from having to contribute financially. Bascially he plays dad for 2 days a month.

However, he always has been adamant we should share christmas' with ds and alternate. We have done this since ds was born as I really wanted ds and his dad to have a good relationship. It's also ex's birthday on christmas day. However I'm feeling increasingly unsure about this. AIBU to think if ex leaves every other aspect of ds' care to me why should I sacrifice every other christmas with ds? Ds doesn't want to go.

[whois]

Fuck him, he sounds like a right tool. Unless Christmas is on one of his access weekends then don't bother.

[yellowowl]

I don't think you should make DS see him. If he can't be bothered to make an effort to make things easier for his son, why are you making him go?