to be frustrated with in-laws attitude to childproofing?

[PurpleGentian]

Staying at the in-laws with 14 month old DS. Their house is not childproofed, which is understandable, given that they don't have small children around that often. But their lack of understanding about DH & I wanting to temporarily childproof things is getting a bit stressful. It's getting to the point where I don't feel I can take my eyes off DS for a moment unless he's in his cot or highchair.

We've had issues over fireguards, things (ornaments, matches, nail scissors, tiny things that can choke a child) on low tables, dangly tablecloths, looped cords on their blinds, among others. The general impression they give is that they think we're worrying about nothing.

Today, DS got into a backgammon set. I'd not moved this, as it was stored on the floor in what looked like an old briefcase, and I perhaps foolishly thought that it was just an empty old briefcase (in-laws don't throw much away). I noticed just in time to stop him from putting one of the dice into his mouth. When I mentioned this to MIL, her reaction was that it would have caused an awful mess if DS had scattered the pieces all over the floor. My concerns about him choking on the dice were completely dismissed.

I know it's unreasonable to expect them to completely childproof their home for us, but AIBU to expect them to not dismiss our childproofing concerns out of hand? (I possibly am BU, as I'm still a bit shook up by the dice incident)

Mainly, DS2 was walking at 9 months and climbing at 14. Blind cords would have been very inviting!

I left ds2 at the time 16 months with my mum for the weekend while we were at a weeding.

Unfortunately she was staying with my gp at the time waiting to complete on a house. My gps house isn't child friendly, lots of plants to touch, ornaments and small tables to climb on.

When we got back most things had been moved out of reach as they were all fed up of following him around stopping him from picking things up.

Some learn faster than others, ds1 was never one to touch things he was told not to. Ds3 is sometimes good at it but can't be trusted all the time not to put things in his mouth

Ruby My 16 month old is a climber too . At that age they're never going to get a chance to get tangled in the blind cord cos they have to be constantly supervised to stop them climbing every bloody thing...

But when you have dc2 +, you can't remove all tiny things etc

I think you pretty much do have to watch them all the time. I have a fire guard but that's about it

I'm afraid I agree with bytheway

14 months IS old enough to get into trouble with blond cords.

People should babyproof within reason and use common sense. Use fireguards of course. And don't leave medicines lying around and the usual stuff everyone is aware of. But I don't agree with this can't take eyes of a child for a minute and it's into everything. A firm no is enough to keep most children reasonable most of the time. Or am I being to optimistic! I've had these children in my house when you can't take your eyes of them for a moment and they are doing something they shouldn't be. I was a nervous wreck by the end of the one or two hour visit. Never mind weeks of this!!

I feel your pain, OP... My ex MIL & FIL didn't believe in making anything safer. They think car seats for babies are a sign of neurosis. Mind you, they both drink and drive too. They believed that I kept too close a watch on my dc and that if I spoke to them firmly enough they wouldn't touch the fire/put fingers in plugs/marbles in mouth etc. I once found FIL showing dc (aged 2) how to put a plastic bag on his head to make a hat. MIL took other ds2 (aged 2) to feed her horses and blamed him (I repeat, aged 2) when he 'let go of her skirt and walked under a horse'. Needless to say my visits to their house were always a tiny bit stressful.

I love the idea that DC can be taught (presumably immediately) to not put things in their mouths. It is up there with not using reins because DC can be taught not to run away. Some DC are just runners, some put everything in their mouths. DD is one of these. I can tell her until I am blue in the face but she will put everything in her mouth. She is also a wonderful eater and never refuses anything. I wonder if the two are connected.

Never babyproofed at my parents or ILs, lots of breakables and stuff. DC were told no and moved away from things, repeatedly, until they got it. My parents have wooden, OPEN TREAD stairs and we've just had to teach them to be careful - there is no other option. No accidents so far, touch wood! I know kids whose houses are totally babyproofed and who create havoc at other people's houses because they think everything is fair game.

Blind cords frighten me too though.

I think yabu to expect any sort of child proofing in someone else's home. yanbu to not go there until your dc is older and tell pil why.

I have 3 and we don't have tiny things lying around. If they want to play with small things they have to keep them out of reach, however I have large age gaps between each of mine

MrsTerryPratchett, I am completely with you.

I wouldn't be happy at being given a fireguard which I presume will mark the wall or any other safety item which does permanent damage.

yeah...babies put things in their mouths....you cant keep every small thing out of reach, especially with more than 1 dc. Its a relatively short phase isn't it....you just keep an eye on them. like another poster said, the OP relates to a situation with 1 baby and 4 adults, so not that taxing

both my dcs walked before 10 months and were brilliant climbers....what can you do?...i certainly didnt remove all my furniture

DD's father (ie DH) obviously doesn't have a clue about childproofing either.
when i was feeding her, i dropped the top off my water bottle - thought it had rolled out of sight and forgot a bout it.
came back into the room when she was awake and in DH's care, and saw the thing in her mouth. she was playing with it.
i shouted over to DH that she had a bottle top in her mouth and he started looking in her hands
didn't even attempt to check her mouth.

yes, i know it was my fault for the item being accessible, but i honestly thought it had rolled under the ottoman because i couldn't find it.

actually...i might be talking at cross purposes....what do people do to 'baby-proof'???

dunno.

cardboard boxes wedged on the stairs for a stairgate...

Even the people who say they don't baby-proof... I assume you don't leave poisons and medicines around. Ditto blind cords. Then it is just a matter of degrees. I didn't do the drawers, DD learnt. She won't learn about the mouth thing, so I have to watch that. Interestingly, one of my first memories is an X-ray machine (swallowed stuff I shouldn't have).

Of course we all teach our children not to touch but surely you'd think the in-laws would want you to be able to relax when staying there. A quick visit is ok to spend the time saying no repeatedly and shepherding yoke child but when it's all day it's a bit much.

well, my DD crawls around my shop all day, and I haven't baby proofed (apart from the stairs thing)
If she goes somewhere she shouldn't, I pull her away and she knows what she's allowed (sort of.... she is only 10mo). (i have display items, so she can play with those).
it is annoying when she's merrily crawling around and I know where she is and people start warning me what she's doing (i can see her, i do know) like I've just let her out of my sight

what drawers thing terry?

see yes...i do keep medicines in a box up high. and i do have a fire guard

but looking at OPs example...a backgammon set in an old briefcase. I wouldnt have moved that thinking baby would get in to it and swallow dice. I wouldnt have thought child was unwatched long enough to be able to figure out how to open it and locate dice

maybe i made my life very difficult...if i had been more diligent about removing things, i could have left them unattended longer?? 6 of 1, 'alf a dozen of t'other IMO...

I babyproofed - I childproofed, and now I teenage proof

Who wants to spend their lives saying no 24/7 to a constant round of touching and putting stuff in mouths - not a particularly nice way to live. My boys have never broken anything or touched things in other peoples houses and not had the opportunity in our own.

At friends and family's homes I would simply pick things up and put them out of reach whist we were there - makes for a much nicer visit. Of course you have to watch them but if things are not "obvious" then there is less likelihood of them being touched, ingested or damaged

Now my boys are young teens I still have the "out of sight out of mind" theory. They don't fight often but they can blow at each other now and again, and, if I am not going to be around, I make sure there is little to hand that they could use in the heat of the moment as a weapon.

Leaving bleach in an unlocked cupboard is crazy talk. Okay, you may be able to train your own child. Although I fail to see why anyone would take that kind of risk. But what about kids who visit?

I don't fancy spending my ENTIRE day telling DS 'no', 'don't touch', 'stay away'. How is that enjoyable for anyone? He is ten months old, so I could tell him to stop licking the plug sockets until I am blue in the face, and he still wont understand. So we put those little guards in. Same with the cabinet locks on the TV stand; I can keep telling him not to touch the bluray player, but it would take him seconds to open the disk slot and snap the tray off. Why risk it? I'm saying that absoutely everything is out of his way - but anything dangerous or expensive/breakable is. I don't care if I have to tell him 100 times not to pull a folder of bank statements off the bookcase, but I do care if he sticks his sticky fingers into a plug socket, or starts playing with my sewing stuff. I think even the ones that 'don't babyproof' still do a bit of reorganising during the baby/toddler years. It's a sliding scale of how much things bother you. A crawling baby is fast. In the time it takes me to go get a glass of water, DS could have pulled over a bookcase (if it wasn't bolted to the wall). I would rather not have that worry hanging over me.

Saying that, DS has eaten cat food, got his head scratched by the cat, slammed his fingers in a door and smacked his head numerous times. I am clearly not very adept at proper babyproofing.