to not want to make 'mummy friends'?

[LightTheGooTouchpaper]

The thought of hanging around with other women talking about our DC bores me to death.

I went to baby groups. People talk about babies all the time [yawn].

I realise that after you establish a friendship, you are allowed to stop comparing your children and get on with talking about other stuff. However I feel like the friends I have made have been people who can't stand the playgroup chit chat, and I have bonded with them as kindred spirits.

I like MN because 90% of the threads I read are nothing to do with being a mum.

I think that the reason so many women 'lose themselves' after DC is because we are expected to congregate in groups based around little children. Can't we drag the children along to groups dedicated to something aimed at the grown up?

I want the starting point to be me, not my baby. The baby hasn't got a clue whats going on anyway.

You shouldn't reject them all out of hand. Because amongst them will be women that won't just want to talk about babies. And you could make some good friends.

I've met other mums since becoming a mum (antenatal/toddler group). With some I talk about other things, and I imagine these are the people who'll become 'proper' friends. With some, we only talk about DC, as this is ALL we have in common - they're perfectly nice and friendly, and DD has playmates. I don't imagine we'll be friends in 10 years, but you never know.

Guessing OP was just looking for a thread to sneer at other women

Life stage is really important. My best friend is single and has no kids, and whilst it's great to get together for a night out/lunch/spa visit, she (unsurprisingly) has zero interest in getting up on Sunday to hang out at the playground with a Starbucks and then have a "speed lunch" in Pizza Express, so it's great to have friends that do.

When I had DS, I was new to my area and baby/toddler groups were just a way to get out & about & to meet people.

But, yes, you can't assume that because you all have young children, you will all get on. I've met some lovely people in this way who have become firm friends but also spent quite a bit of time when DS was little with people I don't have much in common with.

With all of them, talking about your baby/child is just a way of getting to know each other & can also be reassuring for new mums who don't have anyone close.

Oh no see RichMan I'm very clear that I love Kate Winslet. I used to be a bit about her but then I realised all the films of hers I like and thought I'm actually a massive fan. Its even on my profile.

That film a bit like Revolutionary Road gave me a nice moral dilemma to mull over and I know exactly what you mean with the small talk posts.

I often think of it during the DM style, 'sterilise the peedos cos they're everywhere' rants.

Maybe the problem is is that she often plays quite irritating characters, and then I think that's what she's really like. RR is ANOTHER KW film that I like. I should just join her fan club shouldn't I?

Yes you should, come to mine, we can watch Hideous Kinky, Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind, The Reader, RR, Little Children or even The Holiday

I think you're right character wise. I really like the fact that she doesn't feel the need to play the hero or the funny pretty perfect woman, which so many actresses do. She can play the sort you will dislike but still often makes you feel empathy for that individual.

The first time I went to a baby group I had a conversation about how myth can be interpreted as the dreaming of a nation, with reference to the work of Alan Garner.

Perhaps you don't start very interesting conversations OP?

We also talked about our babies though

I love my 'mummy friends' and don't know how i would have got through the early years without them

At least it sound like you have women who want to try and make friends with you. All the people at my local groups are SO cliquey, even when I try and start a conversation (about children or anything else) I get looked at like a 3-headed bogey monster.

I have enough friends who at least feign interest in my child talk, although they don't have any themselves, and of course we spend much more time talking about other stuff. I never wanted to have mummy friends but it would be nice to have had the chance :/

Good God no! You don't want to go making friends with other women who have children!! Didn't you know they are all vapid fools?

Thank heavens you have had the sense to realise this. Steer well clear and in fact why don't you wear a t-shirt saying "ALL MUMS - FUCK OFF" or something like that so that they know not to talk to you.

ahhh Minty, now I remember you from the meet up :o

But I know a like-minded Mummy to you, I am sure you would get on splendidly. Have you ever heard of the novelist Rachel Cusk .

Gosh, I really hope I can join your gang of kindred spirits. You sound so interesting and everything...

I'm a boring mummy. I like talking about children, its inclusive and you can learn stuff. Like the poster upthread said, its just small talk, polite stuff, monkeys grooming each other. I have close/ best friends for the in-depth stuff. Why do you feel you have more important things to say than others? Or that you should be forging great bonds with people. It sounds a bit immature to me. Don't you have any close/ best friends?

Can't we drag the children along to groups dedicated to something aimed at the grown up

No we effing can't.

I've done my child-raising thank you and I don't want whingeing kids at my adult, intellectually stimulating clubs, groups and meet ups.

Buggar off back to baby group.

(I am wondering how many DCs you have OP, could it be only one?)

So don't make any mummy friends. It's no skin off anyone's nose.

If however, you wanted to convey how superior you feel to other women (which is what it sounds like to me) you can take a hike.

No-one 'expects' you to do anything. Not one of those dull women who you are so disparaging about, cares what you do. So there's no problem is there?

I've made friends with a few of my daughters friends parents - we very rarely talk about our children. We mostly talk about Michael Fassbender, drink, tv ads and other women- sort of like Mumsnet

I don't have any mummy friends, although a lot of my friends have DCs. I know many people on a 'hi, how are the kids doing?" basis, but none of us under the illusion that we are firm friends. Have you tried changing the subject, do you know that the people you are meeting are only interested in DCs?

I love it that you think I want to discuss superior topics one thing I really miss is sitting with a pint dissecting the tabloids that we found in the pub.

I like people, whether they are mummies or not. The 'mummy friends' thing makes me

Because they want the company of people who are the same boat as them?
Just to hazard a guess.