To think that the question 'why are you a vegetarian' is exceptionally rude

[Partypartyrings]

I've had twenty-five years of it and I'm hacked off with it.

I don't give one flying shit what you eat, so why is what I eat so interesting?

Being a vegetarian is not something exotic, surely you've heard/met one before, don't bloody ask me, use your imagination.

And no, I don't fucking miss bacon, in fact it makes me heave.

And no, what I choose to eat is not some sort of judgement on what you eat so stop being so defensive about it.

Develop some manners- it is rude to question/comment on what somebody is eating.

Grr. There. Public service announcement over.

I feel exactly the same way as Chipping. I've also been veggie for 20+ years and the only time I mind people asking me why I'm veggie is if they do it during a meal. And to be honest, this is pretty much the only time I am asked. Because the real answer to why I'm veggie is "Because I feel repelled by the idea of eating dead flesh. That eating meat would make me partially responsible for the killing of animals and I just don't want any part of that". But of course, the host has spent a long time cooking a lovely (meat) meal for the other guests and generally, I think, people don't want to think about all of that stuff at the exactly the moment they are about to put meat into their mouths. They don't really want to consider how the lamb on their plate was reared (often not very ethically) and how it was slaughterd. And so now I don't give a proper answer. I sort of fudge the issue. Because otherwise people get defensive, or sometimes "go off" the meat part of the meal differently, or get cross if the issues are mentioned in front of children in case their children stop eating meat.

I've been veggie pretty much my entire adult life (I was 20) and I don't mind people asking, not at all, however I'd rather they didn't ask just as a meal is being served because if I tell them why I'm veggie I feel as though I'm criticising their choices and it's really not a conversation to be having whilst people are eating meat, I feel.

Yes, exactly. I feel the same way. I try very hard not to be a preaching vegetarian but when someone asks you why you don't eat meat while they are tucking into a plate of meat, it's hard not to come across like a bit of smug twat....

Some (meat eating people) like to make a huge deal out of others' vegetarianism. I used to have a colleague who, if we ever ate out together, would question the waiter loudly about what was in a certain dish and point out that I was vegetarian and "couldn't" eat meat. It was really awkward. I prefer to have a quiet word or just not eat something if I'm really unsure.

I also get questions about "what DO you eat then?" to which I usually answer "anything but meat"!

Yes chipping, that is exactly why commenting on, or asking people about their food choices while they are eating is rude (unless all very close friends). There is so much potential for real, personal offence.

As a vegan the only question I seem to get is 'what DO you eat'

I've been veggie for 25 years now and people do ask me about it fairly often.

I find it really hard to answer the "Why?" question as it's been so long now - I just am!

The bacon thing does fuck me off though - I find it repugnant and most certainly do not miss it at all

Gosh, ok, i'm pretty sure YABU.

If the question is followed by a critical or aggressive barrage of questions or a rant, then that would be rude, but people just asking is simply a case of making conversation, finding out about someone and they either 1) don't really care or 2) are genuinely interested. In a similar way to questions like "Why did you decide to become a teacher", "Why did you decide to buy that car" etc etc etc.

If your choices are politically/morally motivated then doesn't it make sense to educate those who don't know? Especially if they are asking you about it?

You see if I we catering for a vegans I would need to ask that because there are lots of things that aren't actually dairy primarily but that contain milk, eggs, butter, traces of cheese etc that I would feel I needed some very definite guidance in preparing even basic snack or nibbles to a vegan.

But I wouldn't mean to be rude and certainly not judging, just wanting to get it right for them.

Last post aimed at multipoodles by the way

I get people asking me why I have a particular part of my body missing - doesn't bother me

Multipoodles - yes, that too :) 'Everything else' never seems to satisfy them either, then I'm left racking my brains to think of what to say... to me it's just food, I don't think about it like a menu!?

Ladybeagle - why do you think we are lying about it?

I know - it's always bacon isn't it?! I became vegetarian 23 years ago (I'll save you doing the math, I'm 43) and I can honestly say, hand on heart, I have never, ever missed meat of any kind. Not once.

It depends entirely on how its asked. The curious questioner is usually fine; the rude, judgemental questioner is not.

YANBU to be annoyed by the rude, judgemental ones.

However its interesting how many people think the OP is over reacting and should just shut up and accept it. Very different responses to a thread recently about asking personal questions about if you're going to have more children.

The children question is far more sensitive because fertility problems can be emotionally devastating for people. Food choices rarely have such an impact.

why you are vegetarian is not the same as, are you having more children?

what you ea,t is not usually emotive

bacon sarnie anyone [runs]

I think you need to chill out actually. I asked my friend why she decided to become a veggie as I was genuinly interested in how she came to that decision. People ask me why I have tattoos and I don't cry about it or say it's rude. Move on.

I've been veggie since 17, now 51 1/2 - that's 34 years . Goodness, didn't know I'd been out of my mother's clutches ina food sense all those years . In that time I've had all manner of questions. Mostly people are jsut interested. If I can't be bothered going into an explanation I just say ' because i don't like animals' and that usually stops them in their tracks!

It all depends on context, I find. TBH it rarely comes up these days. Partly because I don't get out much, possibly ... but at a recent family wedding this summer I was asked and used the retort above, but this was because the questioner was already pissing me off (I've already posted months ago about same woman asking me repeatedly why i wasn't drinking wine,and I wasn't going to say why - cos I have autoimmune liver disease and I'm scared of dying before the next family wedding ....). Occasionally someone will tell me it's all my fault that UK farmers are having a hard time or I shouldn't wear leather shoes, but most people aren't as blunt. And I feel that's okay as I don't as a rule discuss people's eating habits with them.

I was a vegetarian for 5 years as a student because meat was a luxury I chose to forego. When people asked why I didn't eat meat I would tell them truthfully that I couldn't afford it. Never once did anyone rant at me but I never had a problem with being asked.

not read the thread.

YANBU

and i know exactly where you're coming from.
(ad it's even harder when you have to explain why you're bringing your baby up to be veggie too!)

ps: party rings aren't veggie

I think being a veggie for financial reasons as a student is different. It's a no brainer really. Nobody in their right mind is going to say ' Of course you can afford meat, poshfrocks. Go on buy some now.'

poshfrock I used that excuse when I was about 20 with a family friend once, who asked me in a very rude way (in front of my parents) why I was STILL vegetarian. I said as politely as I could 'actually a lot of students are vegetarian as it's so much cheaper', which i thought was a diplomatic answer. His reply: 'well, students do all sorts of damn fool things, don't they?'

It was a long time before I could be completely civil with him again!

Ah, the veggie children chestnut. I used to jsut say ' well, some parents take their children to church, some folk don't give them meat, I do neither' - and they soon grow up enough to make up their own minds. BTW my sons all choose to be vegetarian. So far,I've always made it clear it won't bother me what they do re meat, though i won't be feeding them any.

I meant 'so far' they are all veg. The next bit is separate as in i don't mind what they do diet wise as long as they are healthy. I'd be more worried about fags and heroin quite frankly.

A few years in, when I was around 19, my aunt said to me ' So are you still doing that vegetarain thing?'. I was highly amused when both her DCs became vegetarian a few years later - my boy cousin is still veggie in his 40s, and gay! Not sure which upset my aunt more .....

*OP, I sort of get what you are saying. I have been vegetarian for 30 years and tbh, have forgotten the reasons I turned veggie. It just is.

It is hard to explain to others and I just make up reasons. Things I think will placate the person asking, rather than make them defensive. I don't want to talk about being vegetarian or debate it*

I agreed.

I tend to assume anyone asking the question is a bit sheltered and dull, as it seems astonishing I am the first vegetarian they could have encountered as an adult living in a rich and multi cultural world.

The problem is, the follow up question is usually 'what do you eat then?' It is surprising how hard it is to answer that question. I eat lots of things.. just not meat.

The other follow on is 'are you allowed to eat < insert foodstuff >?' I am an adult, I am allowed to eat anything I want.

Honestly, meat eaters have no idea how boring all this is for someone who has been vegetarian for 20+ years.

So - top tip for meat eaters - don't ask why someone is vegetarian if you don't want to come over as a bit of a sheltered loser.

YABU. I've probably asked similar questions before, I'm just interested - were they brought up vegetarian, is it for religious reasons, are they animal lovers, do they dislike the thought of meat, do they have environmental objections to livestock farming methods?

I would ask similar questions if someone openly declared a dislike of chocolate or wine or any of the other major food groups.