To find this rude or odd re sleepover.

[lollilou]

My dd(12) had a sleepover with her friend at my house last night. Before she arrived I was expecting a phone call from the girls Mum/Dad main care giver. Nothing okay so maybe she didn't have my number but I gave it to the girl when she arrived, still heard nothing so I didn't think much more about it.
When her Mum came to pick her up she stayed outside in her car and beeped her horn several times actually because we didn't hear her. The girl then ran out of my house(saying thanks for having me) got in the car and her Mum drove away!
Now do you thik that was a bit odd or rude? I had never met this girl before or her Mum. Would you send your dcs off without a phone call? Then not to at least come to my door?

My dd is at secondary and has friends where I don't know the parents. I don't think that has got anything to do with ordinary manners tbh.

I can't believe the no of parents who think this is fine! If someone else's child is staying over at my house, then I will be responsible for them. I will not take this on unless I have at least meet the parents. The same applies if my children are at someone else's home for an extended period. And to sit in car and hoot, on a first visit is rude beyond words!
In fact, imho, this sleepover craze is stupid anyway. I know of some teens who rarely spent night in their own homes. Unsurprisingly, this group were up to all sorts that they shouldn't have been at that age.
Seems to be very lazy parenting to me.
Call me over protective, but I want to know where my child is and who they are with, as well as what they are up to. And I expect them to communicate with me so that we are all happy with arrangements.

Yes Mintyy I would be a bit put out.

At 12 and above I'm not involved with them when they stay over. I feed them, provide them with what they want if its dvds or whatever, probably ask how they are when I go to bed and do them breakfast but by that age their doing their own thing socially, I'm not involved in the goings on. I've never had involvement with any of the parents of dcs friends once they reached secondary school.

In the morning I'm up and I'm doing my own thing, I'd find it quite awkward to have to make small talk with someone about their child who I've seen for all of half an hour. Theres nothing to say, I'd much rather get on with my day and what I need to do without the disruption. I'm not at all socially inept, I just have no desire for the unnecessary interaction, you have to do enough of that when they're little.

We haven't had a weekend this year where someone isn't staying over. Most of the time I barely see them and I don't always know their names, I've got zero to say to their parents, although thankfully its never happened.

Ok. As I said, socially inept rather than rude then.

Glad at least someone agrees with me Iheardthatpardon. Of the half dozen regulars, one has to take medication twice a day and another once. I've had one come down with flu on me and was very grateful that I had the mum's number to hand to check - as it turned out she was highly allergic to aspirin. Which the child was too upset to mention to me.

Everlong - yes. They do / have done. There was a lad here last night with my ds who I've never met any of the family. That's pretty normal for teens. At what age are you going to stop meeting the parents before allowing your children to have new friends.... 18? 21? 30 ?
I'd be interested to know how many of the 'horrified by this' posters actually have children at secondary school ?
I don't actually have home numbers (or parents mobile numbers) of my secondary age dcs friends parents. Why would you ? They all have their own mobiles and that's how you contact teens - you don't ring their Mums and ask if Johnny can come round to play

Oh, and the folk saying they would thank the parents themselves.... have you not taught your dcs enough manners to trust them to do this themselves ?

Not so much the not ringing before hand, although I might check to make sure they're OK with it. I know most of my DD's friends mums anyway.

I'd definately knock when I picked her up though, make sure DD has everything, thank them for having her, etc. DD always says thank you herself, but I like to add my thanks

Sitting outside hooting has always seemed a bit odd to me tbh

Wouldn't bother me. Its usually drop and run at secondary I find. Quite usual.

It always makes me laugh when people talk about this new thing with sleeping over... I'm in my 40's (though I'm not quite sure how that happened?!?!) and we always had friends staying and stayed at friends... so I can't see what's new about it

It's not the dropping and running I find rude - but the sitting outside beeping, that's just rude whether you are picking up a 12 year old or a 42 year old?!

Hmmm it isn't unlikely that this girl had begged her mum not to ring you etc because 'none of her friends mums do'. That's how a lot of 12 year olds are and her mum obviously trusts her enough, it could be worse, she came and picked her up. I think you could be overthinking it, there are plenty of 12 year olds that are out in the night with their parents only knowing they are out with friends, no details. Yanbu for your concern though. Also, I wouldn't call it 'rude' as I'm sure she didn't want to cause offense

Oh and also, my mum never knocked at the door of my friends houses, she is nice and friendly but quite introverted in some ways, same as lots of people

Thanks for all your replies most seem to be leaning to my thoughts. As the girls are not teens yet I would have rung the girls Mum just to check everything was ok re sleepover and I would have gone to the door to introduce myself briefly and to have a quick nosey at her house