To find this rude or odd re sleepover.

[lollilou]

My dd(12) had a sleepover with her friend at my house last night. Before she arrived I was expecting a phone call from the girls Mum/Dad main care giver. Nothing okay so maybe she didn't have my number but I gave it to the girl when she arrived, still heard nothing so I didn't think much more about it.
When her Mum came to pick her up she stayed outside in her car and beeped her horn several times actually because we didn't hear her. The girl then ran out of my house(saying thanks for having me) got in the car and her Mum drove away!
Now do you thik that was a bit odd or rude? I had never met this girl before or her Mum. Would you send your dcs off without a phone call? Then not to at least come to my door?

To be honest I have found the secondary stage etiquette quite hard to get used to. From knowing everything about my children, their friends and their parents in primary school I now know absolutely nothing at all about their lives in secondary school.

I dropped my son off to a party (he is 14) recently and was unsure about wether to go in or not (he obviously rolled his eyes and said not to) but the other mum came out and said a quick helllo thankfully.

Just 2 short years ago I would never have let my children go off in that situation. I think its a case of growing with them and learning what is expected as you go along.

Yes it was rude, it does not take a few mins to get up and say thanks.

I would never invite a friend whose mum i.have not met or spoken to.by phone . Why would you and why would a parent not be interested where and who her child has stayed with all night. Very odd and you are right to be concerned , it is very poor parenting indeed .

I don't think it's rude/odd/terrible/uncaring not to phone before a sleepover - you have to stop doing that at some stage - for me it's a grey area between 11 & 13.

It was rude of her to sit in the car beeping the horn.

Not rude or odd.

They're 12, and at secondary school. I've only ever met the parents of DCs friends once they were at secondary school by accident. I don't think I've ever phoned any of them.

They've got a mobile if theres a problem, why on earth would I need to contact the parents?

crypes - because the child is a friend of your child - not the mother. I wouldn't need to meet the mother to permit the child to stay. How long past 12 are you going to keep that up for?

God I was relieved to avoid the whole "Mummy chat" crap when they got to that age!

They're safe and they have a mobile.

To be fair, it is quite hard to start letting go and let them sort out their own lives isn't it?

Each time my children do something new independantly I get a little shock about how much they are growing up now. The first time I let them go to the shop on their own I was a wreck (obviously they didn't know that), but less so when they casually informed me this week that they were going to walk into town for a mooch about.

Its a learning curve for all of us.

Yes, very rude! Her daughter was in your care all night and she couldn't even be bothered to come and say hello to you. Unbelievably rude, infact.

I have made an effort to get to meet, even if only on the phone, the parents of the girls my ddtwins have become friends with. They are still so disorganised at this stage that I do not wish to rely on messages passed via 13 year olds. On more than one occasion I've discovered that they've merrily planned sleepovers when in fact it would be grossly inconvenient either to me or to the other set of parents. Children of this age still have no idea that it might be a pain in the neck to have to drive out to collect them from somewhere twelve miles away 20 minutes before having to leave for work. Or on one notable occasion, thankfully stopped in time, 5 minutes before their flight was due to take off!

At that age, it's a bit rude, yes. Maybe this person has older children and is very "been there, done that".

Very rude.

I'm split on this one, I think that as a responsible parent I should speak to another girls parents before my 2 teenage dds stay the night/ go to a party ect.
But, if I suggest doing so, I am the most embarrassing and over protective mother in the world ( according to them).
In year 7 when everyone was new, I would have contacted the parent before a sleepover, now they are in years 9 and 11,and providing the host was one of thier friendship group from the start, I don't bother, and Ive never had a parent ring me either.

My mum (and my friends' parents) always waited in the car outside for use once we got to secondary. I don't think it's rude or odd.

I hate people beeping the horn though, that's annoying.

Yes it is rude, especially to stay in the car beeping, it does not take a lt f effort to knock te door ad say hi, thanks for having dd, take care bye. Manners seem to have gone ut the window

Do you know the set up?

I'm a step mum to two girls (to whom I am close and would pick up and drop off) but if I was told not to knock, then I wouldn't.

I wouldn't have been part of the arrangements re. the sleepover.

Just one suggestion.

She is only 12, not teenager yet. Even if I was waiting in te car fr my teen, f they had not heard say the second beep I would go to the door, nt keep beeping

Most of the time they tell you not to knock, on the rare occasion I pick them up, I just wait in the car and call DD/DS to say I'm there. Since they were at secondary I wouldn't dream of going and talking to the parents.

I'd also be quite put out at them coming and knocking on my door.

Even when I was 16, when my friends dad came to pick her up, he knocked at the door. I just think it rude to stay in the car, your chid has been in this persons care all night and you can't be bothered to knock the door and say thanks

Yes I would like it if the parent came and knocked the door at this kind of age

I am on the fence with this one!! She may have Aspergers/autism and might not know this is the protocol or might just "HATE human chit chat". My husband has Aspergers and would find this very difficult....me on the other hand is over protective to the extreme and would never let my children stay over anywhere unless I know the parents well..

I dont think its rude either.

I will phone ahead or beep and will only knock if my boys haven't got a signal/haven't heard the beep.
It's usually my own Dc's that answer the door not the parents.

Only once have i had a parent knock the door when her Ds stopped over.
I asked her i she was xxxx's mum and she responded yes.
So introduced myself and shouted to let her DS know that his mum was here.

I tried to make chit chat with her but she just stood there like a lemon staring at me with no response whatsover. In the end i had to pretend i had something on the cooker and left her waiting on the doorstep. Only coming back to make sure her DS had all of his things and to say goodbye.

That was bloody awkward and i would rather they didn't bother knocking if they are going to be so rude.

"I'd also be quite put out at them coming and knocking on my door."

Wtf? So you'd be annoyed by the parents of a visiting child knocking at your door when they came to pick them up?

Alright, I'm going to change my verdict from rude to just plain old-fashioned socially inept.