To not want my 4yo DD to go to an evangelical church?

[CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger]

XDH and I split almost 2 years ago, he is Roman Catholic by birth (he comes from South America and is what I call a lax follower, i.e. says the words but doesn't live the life) and I am Atheist.

When we split we agreed he would have her every other weekends, and he has occasionally taken her to church with him duringthese weekends. I didn't really have an issue with this as I was told that she was going to the local Catholic church and I felt that she'll come to her own conclusions when she's old enough.

I've now found out that his mother moved to an Evangelical church some time ago and XDH and DD have been going to these with her instead and it really doesn't sit right with me; from what I can gather from anecdotal evidence and what I've read, it it is just one step to far in the direction of brainwashing for my liking.

I don't respect scientologists' beliefs either. I think at best they're bat shit insane and at worst sinister and dangerous.

I would want to know what the particular church is like, and what they are teaching my DC. Because FFS some churches teach seriously harmful bullshit, like homophobia, and that women are inferior to men, and that beating people to drive out demons is not just OK but necessary. Would those of you guffing on about the importance of superstition in a child's life be happy if your XP was taking your DC to a hardline mosque that wanted them to have their genitalia chopped about, or for a DD to leave school/wear a niquab, when you yourself don't hold such beliefs?

And, as someone else said, what if the NRP was taking the DC along to BNP meetings, or EDL demos?

I appreciate your concerns, Cuppatea, especially as the service is in a foreign language. A lot of evangelical churches are not affiliated to any mainstream denomination (C of E/ Methodist/ United reformed / Baptist) with clearly defined teaching. it is a very vague term and can cover an enormously wide variation of worship, beliefs and practice.

Things to consider (red flags):
Is there any teaching about about demons/being possessed by demons?
Does the church run any kind of 'exorcism' or demon cleansing service for their members? (Go to the service and ask someone who doesn't know you, someone who is a regular there.)

What is the children's church/Sunday school like, who is it run by, what is the ratio of adults: children, do the teachers have training and are they all CRB checked? What policies do they have in place to ensure children are not at risk of being abused? (Every church should have dealt with all this years ago, and if they are uncomfortable with you asking, it is a red flag.)

What opportunities are there for children to express their own beliefs, and non belief? What happens if a child says they don't believe in God, or that they don't feel what others are feeling?

If they intend for this to be a regular part of her life for years to come, I would want to also know about the teaching and attitudes on things like:
What is their teaching about evolution?
What is the teaching about homosexuality?
What do they teach about death, and what happens to people when they are dead (believers & unbelievers)? Does anyone ever come back to life anymore? Can they be in touch with people once they are dead and is this encouraged?
What is the teaching about Catholicism? other faiths (e.g. Islam)? Athiesm?
What is the teaching about how women should behave or be treated?
What is the teaching on divorce?
What is the teaching on abortion? IVF?
What is their teaching about membership and donations? Where does the money go? (we visited one church which said each person had to pay for their 'seat' in the church...the ones who paid more got to sit in the front, and those not paying sat right at the back or were asked to do the jobs for the church. he wasn't joking. When asked where the money went, the answer was 'mostly the ministers/clergy/pastor's salary'.)
What is their teaching on leadership?
Do they accept female speakers or pastors/clergy/ministers?
It might be easier to just ask them how they differ from a catholic church, but you will probably not get a very clear picture.

At what age would your daughter be allowed to make her own mind up about going to church with them, and if she did decide she no longer wanted to go, what would they do?

(Not that it is really relevant, but I am a Christian. There are other things I would want to know about, such as preparation for Eucharist, )

Sorry, I got interrupted, so X post with SolidGold.

Also, will your DC be expected to evangelise to her friends and class mates?

Sorry I haven't responded sooner, am at a friend's house for dinner, but will read in full when I get home and DD is asleep.

Great post, Edgar

Religions all have batshit elements, it's not just Scientologists who are bonkers.
Virgin births, anyone?

Yes, good stuff Edgar. I personally would draw the line at my children being introduced to any religion in which changing your mind and joining another religion (or becoming an atheist) is punishable by death - I'm picky like that.

And I'm sceptical about whether the "mummy believes X and daddy believes Y and that's absolutely fine, wouldn't it be boring if we were all the same?" line is really sustainable if one of the things that mummy believes is that daddy is going to Hell.

It's not the evangelical bit that bothers me, most are just happier clappier churches and reasonably similar to what u would 'recognise' as a church.

U do get odd individuals who gibber and allegedly talk in tongues. But perhaps no worse than seeing statues cry? Truthfully, I don't believe u have a leg to stand on if u don't attend at least once to see what it's like. Could u go to one? Would ur ex mind?

Yes, basically, even if you are a rational person and free from any and all superstition yourself, it's a little bit unreasonable to oppose your DC's other parent taking them to a bog-standard, cultural, non-nutjob religious meeting (I don't know the exact terminological equivalent of vague traditional liberal Anglicanism for the Jewish/Hindu/Muslim/Sikh faiths but expect there are some).

However, some forms and variations of religion are dodgy as fuck, so it's not unreasonable to want to know exactly what DC are being told and how they are expected to react to it.

YABU.

We used to go to an Evangelical church (don't go because we moved away) and it was very family friendly, they had a lovely creche for the kids to go run round and play in. It wasn't a stereotypical Evangelical service that most people will imagine - if you have that much of an issue with it then maybe you should go to see what your DD is experiencing?

Your ex has as much right to teach your DD what he believes in as your right to teach her what you don't believe in.

my ex started taking our dc to a church group (wont name it as dont wish to insult anyone who does belive in it)

i asked him not to,he said nothing to do with you. the court disagreed with him and granted an order prohibiting him from taking him there.

The issue with going to one myself is that it is in a foreign language that I don't speak particularly well (believe me, I've tried but am crap at languages).

Edgar, you've hit the nail on the head with your post; I attended a few of the catholic services when XDH and I were still together to test the waters so to speak and they were pretty relaxed - I need to find out the answers to the questions you've raised with regards to this new church though, and will look in to how with the language barrier.

Appreciate all your comments.