to think that you don't do this?

[winkle2]

I don't have kids so I want a parents perspective on this.

My sister and I fell out a few months ago because she thinks I (verbally) attacked her children. I didn't, and have tried to explain but she won't listen to me.

Today we had a family occasion at my mums house. She wasn't there but her 5-year old son (my nephew) was.

He said to me 'mummy said I'm not allowed to talk to you and if I do then I'm not allowed to go to nanny's house anymore'.

I was shocked and upset.

AIBU in thinking that you don't do this or is this fair game considering she thinks I have been horrible about her children?

[winkle2]

Thanks Maryz. I am nice to the kids - I sent them both cards for their bdays even though she didnt invite me to their birthday parties.

I havent continued the argument - I have tried to call her 5 times to sort it out, I've emailed her, I've sent her a text message to say congrats when she passed an exam recently.

But its getting very very hard for me to continue to be reasonable.

[winkle2]

Collie - The other one had a bit of a rant and rave then emailed the following week to say sorry if she had upset in the build up to the wedding.

Then we just forgot about it and carried on as normal.

[CollieEyeOfNewt]

Your sister should not involve her children in this way. I think you were right to object to a 2 yo playing an 18 game.

Emailing your objections to your sisters rather than talking to them is bonkers though.

FFS, talk.

[winkle2]

I agree I shouldnt have done it via email or even really bring it up. I should have let sleeping dogs lie. I was upset with the situation though.

[Themumsnot]

Oh god, she sounds like a complete mare but for the sake of completeness I need to know what food was served at your wedding. Only then will I feel fully empowered to say YANBU. I'm 90% there though.

[CollieEyeOfNewt]

Just talk to your sister(s). Really. In life, face to face, and all that.

Talking always helps. Emailing doesn't.

[Softlysoftly]

She shouldn't have involved the kids but you absolutely shouldn't have sent an email list of why they hadn't earned their SIL gifts given, as you say, automatically .

You were very rude, you seem very judgemental of her parenting choices and I think you'd piss me off too tbh. But then I wouldn't allow a 2 yr old age 18 games or announce the food was shit at a wedding. What a lovely family .

[cheekydevil]

Just to comment on the food thing. If it was sayan Asian wedding the food can be too spicy for little ones. Presumably your sister would have known what type of food would be served and should have brought some snacks for her dc. I do this at every family occasion with my dd and she eats rice with it. I would never ever be so rude as to publicly announce that the food is unsuitable for my pfb and leave and take her anywhere.
Your dsis seems a little precious if she thinks that your wedding should all be about her and her dc?
If she is involving dcs in petty arguments now then I think you have years of this bullshit ahead and need to decide to ignore it. It's not worth the frown lines. I would laugh at her and carry on being nice to the dcs.

[Euphemiaaaarrrrgggghhhh]

you absolutely shouldn't have sent an email list of why they hadn't earned their SIL gifts given, as you say, automatically

^this

Since when did someone have to earn a gift, presented as part of a ceremonial occasion?

You all sound as bad as each other.

[IDrankAllTheGravy]

Tbh you don't sound the most reasonable of people either. Not saying your sister is in the right here, you sound as if you're both winding each other up.

[Proudnscary]

You definitely all sound as spiteful as each other - it's like some bad Shakespearean play.

But truthfully? You sound the worst of the lot. Sending an email to explain why they don't deserve a gift? Criticising others' parenting?

I thought some of my family members could be a pain in the arse but I'll take them any day.

[BadgersBottom]

Sounds to me like you all need an urgent visit from the Grip Fairy.

[Fakebook]

You gave them both a list of reasons why they didn't deserve the presents? Wow. How petty. I bet your DH is so proud of the family he's married into. Btw, isn't it him who decides to give the presents, not you?

[MummysHappyPills]

Collie - what does "food for kids" mean though? Chicken nuggets and chips? I have been to several weddings with dd, and she just ate what everyone else ate, as she does at home.

[MummysHappyPills]

Ooh realise now perhaps I should have read the whole thread...

[OlaRapaceFru]

Irrespective of her unacceptable public comment about the food at your wedding - and your subsequent ranty email to her - why on earth is she dragging a 5yo and a 3yo into an argument between the two of you. How does she justify your email as "(verbally) attacked her children"? What would her DC know of the email anyway - they're hardly likely to have read it?

[LilBlondePessimist]

Hmm bit harsh on the op if I'm reading correctly - sisters were harping on about the gifts? Op was just letting them know why they hadn't had them? Other sister didn't seem too bothered and actually apologized for her behaviour, so I'd say it's the 'this food is shit' sister who is BU.

What was the food?

[winkle2]

Cheeky devil - you are spot on. It was Asian food. There were other kids there and none of there parents left.

I know I shouldn't have sent the email but I was hurt and upset that I didn't get the support I felt I gave to them when they got married. I'm not saying its tit for tat but saying 'I'm sick of hearing about this wedding 6 weeks after I got engaged is a bit harsh isn't it?' I know your wedding is most important to yourself but still I wouldn't be that rude to someone's face.

[winkle2]

The closing speech mark should be after the word wedding!

[winkle2]

Lilblond yes it was in response to them emailing and harping on about it. I didn't send a random email out of the blue!

[Jinsei]

With most Asian food, there is usually something that kids can eat - rice, or yoghurt, or roti etc. She was therefore BU to say what she said (and she should have brought some snacks with her anyway). While you probably should have let it drop, I don't blame you for snapping when she started harping on about the gifts!

Hopefully she'll come around in time and realise she's been an idiot. In the meantime, just carry on as if nothing much has happened! Don't stoop to her level!

[Jinsei]

That was meant to say there's usually something for the kids to eat if the other food is too spicy. Didn't mean to suggest that they can't eat the other stuff!

[Fakebook]

I'm confused. Are you Asian too? Or just your husband? Because if your sister's children are Asian surely they'd be used to eating Asian food?

[winkle2]

Yes we are Asian. My husband is English.

[Jinsei]

Even some Asian kids struggle with food that is very spicy, especially if they live here in the UK. But as I said earlier, there are usually some parts of the meal that they can eat. And if the sister knew that they couldn't manage spicy food, she should have come better prepared.