I thought I was being helpful...

[Dramajustfollowsme]

My dd is allergic to certain washing powders. This is the washing powder that my dmil uses. The last time my dd stayed overnight, she ended up with nasty hives on her face and hands.
Remembering this, I mentioned to mil that I would take over a sheet for dd's bed. (She doesnt need other bedding as she has her grobag)
Fil has just phoned and said that mil is deeply offended and would now prefer not to have her overnight. I honestly can't see why she is offended. I was trying to save her a hassle but also keep dd from having a reaction.
We will now have to cancel going to a friend's wedding as we can't get another sitter.

Drama is there a back story here? Also, what does your DH think and what does he plan to do about this?

Sole, even if the OP has issues with her MiL how on earth could this be considered something that is the 'tip of the iceberg'?! This is about a little girl's allergies!

OP, YANBU, she is. But maybe you should call her and explain again, for the sake of keeping the peace and being able to go to the wedding?

Personally, if mil was being such a drama queen I'd leave it to oh to deal with her.

Lie. Ring her and tell her you have confirmation from a Doctor that Persil is the cause. Tell her you meant no offence and didn't want to pressure her into having to change her habits. Apologise for any offence caused, tell her you hope she understands.

Then find a babysitter for the future.

For the record, your MIL & FIL sound very dramatic and a bit odd. YANBU. Play them.

Sole, even if the OP has issues with her MiL how on earth could this be considered something that is the 'tip of the iceberg'?! This is about a little girl's allergies!

Absolutely not excusing your MIL who has behaved horribly, but family members can be extremely difficult about allergies. It's often (but not always) a generational thing in some cases (apparently no kid ever had a nut allergy 60 years ago but many sure as hell 'choked' on them, went blue and died just like an anaphylictic shock, kids didn't have coeliac disease but plenty of grandparents of today's coeliac kids will recall a cousin, sibling or someone else who 'just wasted away'). There is also sometimes an element of denial, either rooted in family pride 'my family don't get allergies' or just simply not wanting to believe that a child is anything other than 'perfect' iyswim.

If your DH and PIL can't talk her round then it sounds like tonight is sadly a write off, but do get them onside once MIL has calmed down and explain the situation to them. Although it might be galling (and you shouldn't have to) explain that it's not you being precious or cruel to them, it is a medical condition and it needs to be treated seriously. Explain that you were trying to be helpful and you would like to help them understand, offer to answer questions etc and see if you can get MIL to see reason.

What an annoying MIL. Don't ever ask her for anything again. Poor you missing the party. :(

if you are anywhere in NI, can i come and baby sit??
will have to bring my own DC, but they are very well house trained :)

YANBU - your MIL is a knobber :)

I presume you don't have sons, LaCiccolina...

Good post from aldiwhore

MIL and PIL sound crazy. DH should be dealing with them.

Pay a babysitter next time.

Sorry you're missing the wedding, that's really crap.

What has your dh said to his parents or done?

I am allergic to Persil and get hives. Its awful. Yanbu.

dh should say why you offered and tbh if this is her usually behaviour my child would not be staying there again. She trying to assert a bit of power over you and my kids would not be used like that.

Oh and this is why we now have a babysitter we pay. Yes it means we have to save to go out. But so much better.

OP, you should let your DH have a word with them, they're his parents and I'm sure he's well-versed in their style of craziness.

I'm allergic to some washing powders and it is very sore :( Not something to dismiss, so your MIL is BveryU.

unsinkabletitanic I live in NI, would love a babysitter for my DS. I'll book you in for next Saturday night, eh?

So your MIL thinks her need to be 'right' is more important than your DD's health, put simply, you can't use them for babysitting again.

Start asking around for recommendations for babysitters and make sure you'll not need to rely on your PIL in the future.

Has your DH spoken to them? She sounds like a nightmare.

Mil is a gobshite.

I would be livid tbh.

She has previous for being over the top and easily offended. However, when it comes to dd my usual complaint is that they are over protective, give her no freedom in the garden, etc.
She offered to have her and dd loves being with them. I just didn't see this one coming.
Dh spoke to his dad but mum wouldn't come to the phone. My fab parents are no longer with us so we try to treasure the relationship dd has with her grandparents.
The funny thing is, she complains her mil is odd and difficult. Pot calling the kettle black!

Oh and thanks, unsinkabletitanic but I'm nowhere near NI.

She wouldn't come to the phone?

Ugh, an eight year old girl masquerading as a grown woman. Absolutely no time for those.

I feel a bit better as, just as I was putting dd to bed, she uttered, "love you, mummy".
We have thought she has said it before but this time was clear as a bell.

Aww that makes up for the difficult toddler MIL.

La Ciccolina -fuck the fuck off with your ridiculous attitude

Well said Lets.

Could you not take dd with you to the wedding, put her to sleep in the buggy for the evening? Or could you not pay a baby sitter? Not always an option I know. Your mil sounds like a drama queen. Makes me feel grateful for my mil.

ExP's mother used to put ds1 at risk with his severe nut allergy. She refused to believe it was serious and read the food labels etc.

Just don't bother visiting for a while. That might put her back in her place.