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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU re DHs sodding button!

58 replies

DixieD · 02/11/2012 18:50

Ok I know I am a little but not as UR as him!
DH is sulking with me since last night because I wouldn't sow a button on his coat for him. Now first of all I know it sounds petty but there is a little back story!
Last time this happened, he asked me to do it and I asked why he couldn't do it himself? He replied that 'he didn't know how to'. Now this is a personal bug bear of mine. I don't think it's acceptable excuse for a 35 year old to think not knowing how to do something basic is a reason to get away with not doing it. And he does it all the time. Don't know how to use washing machine, Internet banking, sew a button. Well find out and next time you'll know.
So we agreed last time that I would show him how to do it and then he could do it next time. Fine. Until last night when the button fell of his coat. He comes home and asks me to fix it. I say no, explain why and offer to help him. He gets pissed off. Accuses me of being mean and selfish. Stops talking to me. I go off to bed in a bit of a strop (childish I know but I wasn't going o sit up to be sulked at especially when I only stay up late to keep him company).
Meant to be going out with friends tonight. Said he wasn't coming. I said fine whatever he wants. Finally says he is going but as long as I know he is still pissed off . I asked how long he'll be sulking for? He said he's sure it will wear off eventually or if I admit I was wrong.
I'm NOT wrong. I'm not backing down he can sew on his own fucking button!
AIBU?

OP posts:

bigmouthstrikesagain · 02/11/2012 19:59

So now I know why I am crap at sewing digerd [stares at big manly hands]

As has already been said op you are obliged not to sew on the button if he is sulking - he needs to grow up and find a good tailor

FryOneFatManic · 02/11/2012 20:02

Gorillas have bigger hands than humans and they manage fine motor controls easily enough.

3bunnies · 02/11/2012 20:08

Why not go for the see one, do one, teach one approach. He's seen you sew a button on already, so now it is time for him to do it - talk him through, but let him do it, then next time he can teach someone! Maybe you can agree on something that he can teach you to do too!

FiveFlowers · 02/11/2012 20:37

I like noblegiraffe's bright pink thread idea

MrsMangoBiscuit · 03/11/2012 08:40

DixieD, I hope you had a nice night out, and that you haven't caved in and sewn on the damn button!

bigmouth, that's no excuse! I too have big man-hands and I can sew. Mind you I'm a 6' hulk, so if I had tiny dainty hands I'd look a bit odd.

Thistledew · 03/11/2012 09:00

Nonsense about the big hands excuse. A school friend's nickname on the rugby team was 'Spades' due to the size of his hands. He now has a successful career as a surgeon.

WineGoggles · 03/11/2012 11:33

YANBU. The "I don't know how to do it" thing would wind me up too. Nobody is born with the know how to do things, they are taught or find a tutorial and follow it. Does he think it's woman's work or something? The deal was you'd show him so next time he could do it (IOW not be able to play the "I don't know how" card) and this is next time. And bollocks to the sulking too!

Sunnywithachanceofshowers · 03/11/2012 11:43

YANBU. My DF does the 'helpless and useless' thing and I have no idea how my DM puts up with it.

Anniegetyourgun · 03/11/2012 11:52

The DSs and I go for the negotiation thing, eg I'll sew your button on if you'll do the washing up, if you clean the cat tray I'll hang your laundry up, sort of thing. It does require both parties to be reasonable, though.

Giglet · 03/11/2012 14:25

Digred what about the male surgeons who operate on tiny babies. How do they manage it?

LunaticFringe · 03/11/2012 14:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wonkylegs · 03/11/2012 14:40

Giglet DH is a cardiologist and stitches up people but I've also seen him try to sew (fixing rather than actual sewing) it's painful to watch. And from watching him do it I think stitching people differs somewhat from clothes, and I let him stick to the people and let him grovel if he needs some clothes fixing (although he often abandons perfectly fixable clothes and buys new ones which annoys my thrifty nature, so I will fix them anyway)

theoriginalandbestrookie · 03/11/2012 14:40

Lunatic Fringe - that is inspired.

As a child I had to wrap up my Dads christmas presents to mum every bloody year - thing is I'm crap at it too, but somehow just because I'm female its meant to be an ingrained skill.

aldiwhore · 03/11/2012 14:45

Take the absolute piss out of him tonight when you've had a glass of wine and are amongst friends. Sorry we're late, DH couldn't work out how to sew a button on his coat poor lamb.

Give him a reason to sulk. Then it won't be so hard to put up with

My DH is a good old sort really, but he sometimes does sulk over the most silly things, when he does, I get to a certain point and think "well he's going to sulk for at least 24 hours, I shall now give him a reason to". It's a coping mechanism. He is also aware that it will happen, so now, rarely sulks. Result.

Saying that, sewing on a button WELL does require a certain skill. Sewing on a button that is functional take none whatsoever.

whois · 03/11/2012 15:09

Don't do it after that strop! He was totally U.

Although I have to confess to being unable to sew. Mum tried to teach me many times. I just make a mess of it and bleed everywhere!

FlobbadobbaBOO · 03/11/2012 15:10

I sew buttons for DH because I DO do it better! He can but I'm neater and a damn sight quicker. We never have the time for DH's needle threading! I can wire a plug and put a bookcase together but he wires plugs because he does it better, and faster than me. We do bookcases together. It's teamwork.
As it happens, I do have about 6 buttons to put back on various things, two of them mine. Buttons in this household tend to jump off clothes....
Having said that, if he sulked about it he would (and has in the past) be sent to another room to sulk on his own...

MichaelaS · 03/11/2012 15:21

OP of course you should sew it on. Badly and using inappropriate thread... Red wool perhaps? Make sure it is fraying and badly tied off so it falls off again really soon. Explain that you didn't know how to do it, but you tried!

valiumredhead · 03/11/2012 15:24

I sew buttons on because I can sew better than dh - but then dh does tons of things around the house and for me so it's not a big deal really.

manchestermummy · 03/11/2012 16:02

On the fence. I do all sewing as DH cannot (his mum throws stuff out when buttons fall off!!!!) and my dad is a tailor. I have been able to sew on buttons since the age of six. Ask me to change a wiperblade and I will look blankly toward DH.

Tigglette · 03/11/2012 16:32

I'd happily have sewn on the button for hubby, just as he happily does lots of tasks that I'd rather not do - its team work. I play to my strengths and he plays to his. I can't believe it's worth falling out over unless he really doesn't pull his weight in the relationship generally.

Viviennemary · 03/11/2012 17:12

Well I do sew on buttons for DH for the simple reason is he does things for me that I can do but would rather not. Like change a lightbulb. And other things. I don't know if DH can sew a button on. I expect he's never tried. But I have changed lightbulbs quite a lot of times but not recently/

OpheliaPayneAgain · 03/11/2012 17:20

Is it really worth arguing over? Is it really so difficult to do something helpful for your partner? No wonder relationships break up left, right and centre. There is absolutely no give and take any more. What a nation of spoilt, indulgent, petty minded brats we have spawned with this generation.

Having got that off my chest - no way on earth my DH could sew a button on, he has hands like hams and fingers like sausages, he'd stab himself silly. On the other hand, should I, the delicate little creature that I am require something shifting he will do so. Oh no, we are so gender aligned. Mind you he's just cooked my tea

Mind you no reason why any of our sons cant sew a button since textiles and needle threading has been in the curriculum for at least the pst 15 years, although what use an embroidered bookmark is I do not know

ivykaty44 · 03/11/2012 17:28

I hate sewing with a passion, I can sew a button on if required but I would rather take the item to be dry cleaned and get it done there.

I am happy to mow the lawn, put oil and water in the car along with air in the tyres, I know how to change an inner tube on a bike wheel as me and dd2 taught ourselves this week between us we did it. I know how to alter the tension on cleats and how to change pedals in theory - but got to give that a go soon and hoping between us again we can do it (dd knows which spanner we need and I am sure there is a way the thread goes for the pedals, but youtube will be my friend) Not overly keen on doing most of this but can't keep going to the bike shop to get it done.

Op don't do it for him if he is just being lazy.

MrsMangoBiscuit · 03/11/2012 17:47

Ophelia, the OP already said she was no expert in sewing on buttons. Why should the responsibilty fall to her? It sounds like the OP already does a fair bit for her DH, washing, internet banking, etc. so she's not refusing to do anything helpful, she's just refusing to do everything, simply because he says he can't. The OP even offered to help him with it! I'm sorry to say, but your implication that not putting up with that makes us a "nation of spoilt, indulgent, petty minded brats" gets right up my nose.

While I agree that a relationship does need give and take, that doesn't mean that one party can keep dumping all the jobs they don't like, onto the other.

WhereYouLeftIt · 03/11/2012 18:17

"Ok I know I am a little but not as UR as him!"
Actually, no; you are not being even a little unreasonable. You showed him how to do it in the past, so that he could behave like an adult deal with it himself next time it needed doing.

I WOULD consider you to be unreasonable if you sewed the button on for him, thus encouraging him to behave like a stroppy teenager as he is doing, with his sulking FFS.

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