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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Third degree from other mum

46 replies

oliviafrombolivia · 31/10/2012 21:02

Am raging - need to get this off my chest. My 10, nearly 11 year old daughter went out tonight trick or treating with 8 other girls. They were accompanied by one of the girls' dads, and at 7.30pm my daughter left the main group with two other girls and walked to our home, calling in at a few houses of people we know on the way home. Separately I took my 7 year old son out trick or treating, whilst out met another group of my daughters friends, along with two of their mums. I was given the third degree when asked where my daughter was, 'is there an adult with them??'in a very judgemental way by one of the mums. I was momentarily taken aback by the tone of her question so didn't answer, should I text her to thank her for her concern and let her know?? Or should I get a life?

OP posts:

ShutTheFrontDoor · 31/10/2012 21:07

I think they were surprised that you were ok with letting your 11 year old knock on strangers doors with no adult supervision.
I am aswell.

Original poster

oliviafrombolivia · 31/10/2012 21:13

as I said up there, there was an adult with them..

OP posts:

5madthings · 31/10/2012 21:13

she is almost 11 and was with friends, it was 7:30 so i am sure she was fine. my eldest is 13 (just) and went out trick or treating with a friend on his own this year and has done for the past few years, he had to be home by 8pm tonight and had his mobile with him.

dont bother txt the other mum, its none of her business, you know your dd and her capabilities and you knew she would be fine :)

greeneyed · 31/10/2012 21:17

Agree with 5mad - jeez OP said she knocked on doors of people they knew not strangers

3LittleHens · 31/10/2012 21:17

I personally think it's too young to have 10/11 year olds walking home alone in the dark.
What a fantastic opportunity for some derranged person.
Does that not worry you/enter your mind?

5madthings · 31/10/2012 21:21

it was 7:30! i am sure the op knows her neighbourhood and at least tonight it was probably busier than usual.

seriously this is a child who will start high school next sept, its a perfectly reasonable age appropriate amount of freedom to let her go trick or treating with friends.

Original poster

oliviafrombolivia · 31/10/2012 21:22

She wasn't alone, she was with two other friends.. I don't live in downtown Mexico City, I live in a naice home counties town in Hertfordshire. As she is at middle school she walks to and from school with friends, so has some degree of freedom and autonomy. I wouldn't let her walk home alone in the dark, no, and would normally pick her up, but tonight, as it was Halloween I let her..

OP posts:

auntmargaret · 31/10/2012 21:23

3LittleHens, you know "Halloween" was just a movie, don't you? OP, put it out your mind, other mum was just being an arse. Don't know what it's like round your way, but here there are dozens of kids and parents on every street, the deranged person would have to have an invisibility cloak to get near a child.

Original poster

oliviafrombolivia · 31/10/2012 21:24

same here, every third house has decorations up in some streets, its a big deal here, kids all love it.

OP posts:

ScarahScreams · 31/10/2012 21:25

I would not be happy with you. Fine if you make the choice for your child but another is in your care and you need to be more careful. Not everyone is so free and easy.

auntmargaret · 31/10/2012 21:28

Sarah, not sure where she said another child was in her care. She said her daughter and 2 others left main group, if anything they were in other dad's care.

Floggingmolly · 31/10/2012 21:28

Why did you go out separately with your ds? You might have been better to hook up with your dd's group? I would have.

ScarahScreams · 31/10/2012 21:28

I wouldn't care where you live. Things do happen in " naice " neighbourhoods you know...

rainbowinthesky · 31/10/2012 21:32

Yabu just because I hate trick or treating.

mutny · 31/10/2012 21:32

I am confused scarah the op was with her other child. She didn't make a decision for anyone roses child did she?

Anyway OP I have read it as your dd went with friends and an adult. She then, with some friends, separated and went to house they knew on the way home.
Personally yanbu to let your dd do that, if you think its safe. Personally i don't. Horn counties or not. But that decision is yours to make.
yabu in regards to the other mother. I can't see what she said meant she was giving you the third degree. She was probably shocked. And spoke without thinking.
I would just let it go.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 31/10/2012 21:33

I wouldnt dream of trailing around after 10/11 year olds on halloween. I might get hit by one of the eggs

mutny · 31/10/2012 21:34

Lol at horn counties.

I meant home. :)

Original poster

oliviafrombolivia · 31/10/2012 21:34

other mums knew what was happening and were fine with it..

OP posts:

SrirachaGhoul · 31/10/2012 21:35

Let it go, OP. She was with a group and you know your daughter. Unless you live in a rough or isolated area I think it's perfectly reasonable to allow your 10/11 year old to trick-or-treat in a group without parents. Completely the norm where I live.

auntmargaret · 31/10/2012 21:36

I would have let my 9 year old and her friend go out on their own tonight, nice safe streets, loads of parents around. As it was, my neighbour took them and I stayed home handing out bags. The OP knows her area, if she thinks its safe, it more than likely is. I feel sorry for all your big kids not being allowed any independence at all.

Original poster

oliviafrombolivia · 31/10/2012 21:38

thank you all for your differing views.. am confident in my decisions, but just annoyed at being judged by other people. She is my eldest child, one of the friends she came home with is the youngest of 4, her mum is much more laid back than me. A different perspective completely..

OP posts:

3LittleHens · 31/10/2012 21:38

auntmargaret - I don't want to get up your nose even more! But I live on 500 acres of stunning countryside.

However it's clearly her call, she knows her area, and it is my personal opinion which I am entitled to have.

Did you see the sad news about April Jones approx. 4 weeks ago?
Millie Dowler in leafy Surrey.
Sohomme murders - not sure about spelling on that one.

I think it is really GOOD that you feel relaxed about it, but I would not.

Nospringflower · 31/10/2012 21:40

Can't believe folk who are horrified at 10/11 year olds being out on their own. An adult was with my 8 year old but 11 and 9 year old were out with their pals (group of 6 or so) in local streets. Not sure what anyone thinks can happen to a group of them on a busy night

Chandon · 31/10/2012 21:41

depends where you live, some rough built up area or quaint village (with the village being the scary place full of nutters)

anyway, only you know. Don't get why you are upset though.

5madthings · 31/10/2012 21:41

yes and that was a big news story precisely because these things dont happen any more, that child was also five! not almost 11 and with friends.

april was taken by somone she knew, the sohame girls holly and jessica again murdered by someone they knew. we cannot stop giving our children age appropriate freedoms because of these rare occurences.

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