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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Third degree from other mum

46 replies

oliviafrombolivia · 31/10/2012 21:02

Am raging - need to get this off my chest. My 10, nearly 11 year old daughter went out tonight trick or treating with 8 other girls. They were accompanied by one of the girls' dads, and at 7.30pm my daughter left the main group with two other girls and walked to our home, calling in at a few houses of people we know on the way home. Separately I took my 7 year old son out trick or treating, whilst out met another group of my daughters friends, along with two of their mums. I was given the third degree when asked where my daughter was, 'is there an adult with them??'in a very judgemental way by one of the mums. I was momentarily taken aback by the tone of her question so didn't answer, should I text her to thank her for her concern and let her know?? Or should I get a life?

OP posts:

marquesas · 31/10/2012 21:41

Totally normal round here for children to go out in groups without adults from about age 10 or maybe younger if with older siblings.

MrsCantSayAnything · 31/10/2012 21:43

Middle school schmiddle school. She's she's ten....it's young...BUT we did have a gang of girls at our door this evening and they must have been about 11....they didn't have an adult and I didn't think twice about that.

Your Call OP....you know your DD and you know the area. Where I live is like Halloween village and the kids know where to knock...it is well llit and the streets are full of kids and adults.

Floggingmolly · 31/10/2012 21:44

These things don't happen anymore, 5madthings???

auntmargaret · 31/10/2012 21:44

But Hens, on Halloween the streets are full to bursting with children and adults, how could anyone possibly snatch a child in that?

Original poster

oliviafrombolivia · 31/10/2012 21:45

I'm annoyed for being judged by someone making a snap misinterpretation of the situation..

OP posts:

mutny · 31/10/2012 21:45

feel sorry for all your big kids not being allowed any independence at all

This sort of comment is so annoying. You may choose to let your children out at this age and st this time. Other choose not to, why is the choice to let them out more valid than the one to not?
In our area for example, there are nit many children. Its mainly older couples. So there are not lots of people about.

Iteotwawki · 31/10/2012 21:45

An area - however nice it is - is only as safe as the other people who live in it.

And horrible as it sounds, there are some really not nice people living in some lovely areas. Unless you know everyone in your neighbourhood inside out, 7.30 on Hallowe'en is not a good time to allow young girls out alone.

I realise I have a skewed view as I have been working at 2.30am too many times recently to fix up stab victims who were walking in the loveliest parts of town but were just in the wrong place at the time. But why take the risk?

Viviennemary · 31/10/2012 21:46

If your DD is 10 and wasn't far from home and only called at the houses of people she knew I think that was safe enough. YANBU.

Greythorne · 31/10/2012 21:49

I think saying it's a 'naice' area is fatuous, as bad things happen in all sorts of places.

But if she is a responsible 11 yo and you are satisfied she was with friends, then fine.

5madthings · 31/10/2012 21:50

i meant these things dont have very often, should have checked before i posted.

ShutTheFrontDoor · 31/10/2012 21:51

It was because you said she broke off from the main group so wasn't with the dad for all of the night.
Fair enough maybe at that age. I've got a 5 year old so haven't loosened those apron strings yet, it's hard to judge when I don't have dc's that age.

maddening · 31/10/2012 21:52

Maybe she was giving you the heads up in case you thought your daughter was else where? I would take it as kind concern rather than judgement - unless she gave a definite impression that she disapproved?

5madthings · 31/10/2012 21:53

dont happen very often, god my typing is appalling this evening.

7:30 pm is also very differnt from 2:30 am and tbh these things can happen at any time, if you wouldnt let an 11 yr old out on their own at what age would you? 11 year olds go to high school, most make their own way too and from,it all depends on where you live and the individual child. the op knows her own child and where she lives, the child was with friends and knocked on houses of people she knows and headed home at 7:30 sounds perfectly reasonable to me.

OTheEldritchManateesOfMadness · 31/10/2012 21:59

I'm at all the people SIOB-ing about three 11-year-old girls walking a few minutes back to the house. It's a quiet town in the Home Counties ffs, not the back streets of Peckham, and they weren't knocking at strangers' doors but the doors of a few friends of the family.

Tanith · 31/10/2012 22:00

Try not to let it bother you. I had the sweetest little girl knock on my door, all alone. I was so shocked I asked her if she was on her own. Of course, she wasn't: her mum was waiting at the gate and it was too dark to see her. This is an area where the kids do come out on their own.
My own common sense should have told me but shock just made me blurt it out.

I bet her mum is thinking rude thoughts about me and my judginess tonight

ScarahScreams · 31/10/2012 22:06

Why are you " raging" about this?

Original poster

oliviafrombolivia · 31/10/2012 22:11

as above, am annoyed at being judged by someone before bothering to find out the full facts..

OP posts:

OrangeLily · 31/10/2012 22:11

You didn't do anything wrong! She wasn't alone, it wasn't late and it was Halloween!

at downtown Mexico City!

3LittleHens · 01/11/2012 20:33

auntymargaret
Exactly, and that is when most opportunists are around.

Proudnscary · 01/11/2012 20:37

Why are you so angry when you are thinking of texting to thank her for her concern?

My son is 11 this month. I wouldn't allow him to do this until next year but I don't think you have been irresponsible. They are on the cusp of independence.

More importantly you have to do what you think is right and stick by that - the fact that you're 'raging' or whatever suggests you weren't quite sure yourself.

YerMaw1989 · 01/11/2012 21:11

Some people are hysterical and like to make you feel bad for not being a raging hysteric every minute of every day and anticipate a peeedo/michael myers is waiting behind a tree to grab children. She sounds like one of those.

I think 11 year old's should be allowed little bits of freedom otherwise how will they ever grow up?.

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