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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I a mean bastard considering doing this to my son?

74 replies

OHforDUCKScake · 31/10/2012 12:51

My 5.9 year old has started being really fussy with food the last few months. He says he only likes fish fingers or spare ribs. He's being difficult with eating food he previously likes, refusing to try new foods, bring generally a PITA most meal times.
Last night he wouldnt eat his sausage rolls, took an hour of complaining and coming up with all sorts of excuses 'why cant we have riiiiiiiiibs!?' 'Im fuuuuuuull. Can I have a biscuit/jelly/sweets/other crap'

This lunch time he asks for soup and roll. I get him an inoffensive chicken and veg soup. He dips his bread in once and says I dont like it and refuses to eat it.

Tonight we're supposed to be having ribs. His favorite. I said we'll all be having ribs, he'll be having his soup.

I feel like a right bastard. But I hate fussinesss and this is extreme fussyness and it has to stop.

He is fit and healthy and its slowly got worse over a few months and now its just too much.

OP posts:

Original poster

OHforDUCKScake · 31/10/2012 16:31

I neither 'force feed' my child, nor do I make them suffer, want them to suffer or enjoy the thought of them suffering.

I am absolutely nothing like your mother.

OP posts:

kiwigirl42 · 31/10/2012 16:42

find out what he wants to eat thats healthy and feed it to him. Children have likes and dislikes just like adults. Its cruel to force kids to eat something they obviously don't like. Its not going to make them like it is it?
DS 12 eats a good variety of food however he has had stages when younger where he may have eaten fish fingers and mash for tea every night for a fortnight. So what?
He tries a spoon of whatever is new to him before I let him say he doesn't like it. Save your energy for battles worth fighting.

StuntGirl · 31/10/2012 16:54

Food and mealtimes are emotive subjects OP, as you can see! I think posters are just trying to stop you veering off into making mistakes their parents made that made childhood unhappy and caused problems into adulthood.

You're right, you're not a cruel mother force feeding her children. But you did suggest in your OP a course of action most people went "Woah...hold on" to. Because it is needlessly passive-aggressive and counter-productive. People are just trying to stop you going down a stressful and unhelpful path wrt your children's mealtimes, that's all.

Lueji · 31/10/2012 16:56

Also, a bit provocatively, he may also like some foods you don't like.
You should expose him to all.

Original poster

OHforDUCKScake · 31/10/2012 17:11

Thanks.

OP posts:

StuntNun · 31/10/2012 17:37

I agree with StuntGirl (no relation). As a child I was expected to clean my plate and told if I didn't eat it I would wear it. I think I tend to overeat because I was thoroughly trained to ignore when I felt full and finish what I had been given. OP all the people on this thread are offering advice in recognition that you are in a difficult position. I hope you will find some ideas that you can put into use with your DS. My experience was that we went a bit overboard and got very stressed before we found methods that work. Hopefully you can find something that works for your DS without having to go through that.

Whoknowswhocares · 31/10/2012 17:58

Keep in mind that he will grow out of it.I don't know any adult who will only eat spare ribs and fish fingers? I'm willing to bet you don't either! I think small kids also get confused about liking some foods better than others so they say they 'only' like certain things when they haven't understood that they can have favourites and still accept and enjoy other things

I found it very effective to give my kids a degree of control so that they never felt that they had to eat something they truly hated. They were allowed to pick 10 items that I promised never to give them ( not food groups, though. They could say cauliflower but not 'vegetables') Boy oh boy, they thought they were onto a winner here! In return they had to try and eat anything not listed. If they decreed a new or previously liked food horrid, they had to choose something to come off their list and being a bit of a cow, I made sure they got it in the next couple of days.With this knowledge they seemed less scared to try and accept new things and eventually they started to eat a much broader range.

They are teens now and eat me out of house and home! Anything and everything!! It drove me to distraction at the time but looking back it only started to change once I calmed down and stopped allowing it to be a battleground

WileyRoadRunner · 31/10/2012 17:59

YABU just give him the same as you each dinner. If he doesn't eat it, it goes in the bin and nothing until next meal. It works. Don't complicate things for yourself or your child. It will just become a battle of wills.

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/10/2012 18:02

I actually DO know adults who won't eat any fruit or vegetables at all. Some people don't grow out of this. I like the idea of a list of banned foods < considers own list, revolting peppers you are gone>

Whoknowswhocares · 31/10/2012 18:05

True, but I know absolutely no one who only eats 2 things! As long as they are consistently trying fruit/veg and everything else, they will eventually pick at least one or two they tolerate. those who don't in my experience just never got given them so didn't get used to them

Inaflap · 31/10/2012 18:07

I think they also learn off other kids. Ds2 ate most things and then became fussy when he went to school. I got to the stage that if he had one decent meal down him he was fine. He started eating better when he became diabetic and now has to eat the right amount of carbs. Even so, he is the sort tat eats as fuel. He eats just what he needs the gallops off to do something else. Unlike D?s1 who is a walking stomach.

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/10/2012 18:10

My cousin was raised eating utter crap (his choice, the other siblings eat well). He still eats utter crap, is very overweight, in poor health and would live on jam sandwiches if he could. As a child he only ate burgers and jam sandwiches. As an adult he eats more than those two things but NOTHING without sugar or salt.

StuntNun · 31/10/2012 18:44

I do know someone who only eats mashed potato (not saying this is likely to happen to OP's DS) and has had terrible nutrition problems as a result.

PickledFanjoCat · 31/10/2012 18:47

Duck you mean bastard though it did make me laugh..

I have all sorts of eating problems here so I can see why your tearing your hair out.

Second the poster that said serve, dont give a choice and if he won't eat it nothing till next one.

FellowshipOfFineFellows · 31/10/2012 18:55

I used to get this from my DD (5.7).

First off, I found sending her for school dinners helped. Mental I know, but she refuses to say no to her teachers/lunchtime controllers, so it opened her up to eating more food without complaint.

I also used to lie through my teeth, telling her that certain foods were the foods she likes just a different colour. She fell for it loads of time.

I was always told by my DSIL that kids will only refuse food for so long before hunger gets the better of them, and then they'll eat. We never got that far, but I did cover her eyes a few days ago to get her to taste a new food before she saw it- she thought it was hilarious and got the taste of the (usually turned down) item so much so she loved it!

LaQueen · 31/10/2012 19:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Woozley · 31/10/2012 19:03

Just be relaxed around mealtimes, offer bread and butter if he won't eat what you have made. Certainly don't humiliate him by eating his favourite food in front of him while he gets tinned soup. If mine are being fussy I say "five more forkfuls" which they can usually manage. Make sure he isn't filling up on snacks between meals.

midseasonsale · 31/10/2012 19:59

I think you are right to do this

midseasonsale · 31/10/2012 20:01

I tend to offer nice food and then not make a fuss. I don't offer alternatives though but if they want to leave it, they can.

IneedAsockamnesty · 31/10/2012 20:28

yes you are being a nasty bastard serving up his none eaten lunch again to him at dinner

Kalisi · 31/10/2012 20:55

Wow! fellowship and whoknows I will definately be trying your ideas they are genius
Op, I think you have the general feeling by now. I don't think anyone genuinely believes you are a mean bastard. It would be completely counter productive to make a fuss though even though it must be bloody frustrating for food to go uneaten.
Meal times in our house are a complete non-event, Ds eats or he doesn't, makes no difference to me. Sometimes he isn't hungry, sometimes he doesn't fancy what I've cooked and sometimes he is just being -a PITA- fussy. There isn't much that goes to waste as I freeze most leftovers anyway. I wouldn't dream of making him anything else although we do have open access to the fruit bowl. Definately listen to the likes of pictish It's not worth the battle Gwan! Give him the ribs [hgrin]

lovebunny · 31/10/2012 20:58

don't re-serve old food. just don't give him anything other than the rest of you are having. and no pocket money that might go on sweets. and explain to him how important a good diet is for his health. he's small but he might as well know.

Kalisi · 31/10/2012 21:04

On a side note, I have never served up ribs for dinner! Never even crossed my mind. I'm a terrible Mother!

IneedAsockamnesty · 31/10/2012 21:12

but..................................

if you are determined to follow this course of action, can i have his ribs

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