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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

made to feel ashamed for breastfeeding

109 replies

busywith5kids · 30/10/2012 23:31

hi have never posted before but wanted an opinion. i was in town the other day with my 21 month and 4 month old. it was raining and my 4 month old was crying for a breastfeed. i went into my bank and asked if i could please use one of there rooms to feed my baby. a lady looked at me like i was mad and said sorry we are not allowed. why do i still feel, after breast feeding 5 children, that people look at me with disgust and that using boobs to feed a baby is something to be hidden away from public view so that no one has to deal with it. dont get me wrong i am not a flop it out anywhere feeder and am always discreet but babies dont always want feeding when u are by a mothercare. should i write a letter to the bank and complain????

OP posts:

catgirl1976 · 31/10/2012 06:34

what everyone else has said

A bank is not going to give you a room. Sit on a bench, go to a cafe, library or anywhere else where the public can sit down and feed your baby.

I just fed wherever and no one ever looked at me with disgust. I was, as you put it, "a flop it out anywhere feeder"

You are overthinking things

ErikNorseman · 31/10/2012 06:39

They are not allowed to let randoms sit in their rooms on their own not that they aren't allowed to let you breastfeed. And quite right! Banks are secure places, you can't just wander around

TandB · 31/10/2012 07:22

Don't be a twit, OP.

If this really happened then you clearly deliberately chose somewhere that would say no just so you could get on your high horse.

MrsHoarder · 31/10/2012 07:34

Come on. If you wanted somewhere that was private, go to a clothes shop. They always let me feed in a changing room cubical. The difference is that those are spaces members of the public use unsupervised normally.

Nite that if you then go to a tiny shop with very limited changing facilities they will say no too, because they need somewhere for their customers still. Go to m&s or similar.

MrsKeithRichards · 31/10/2012 07:41

I can just picture it now!

I demand one of your rooms (you know, the ones for customer interviews, mortgage applicants etc) to feed my baby.

If you'd been a customer already in one of the rooms you'd be right to be pissed off if they told you to stop but in this case? Yabu, quite odd and entitled.

Fairylea · 31/10/2012 07:51

I formula feed and wouldn't expect to feed in a bank.

Why should breastfeeding be any different?

Really odd post !

WongaDotMom · 31/10/2012 08:02

YABU to feel ashamed for breastfeeding and to want to hide in a private room in a bank to feed your 4 month old. Your DCs come first now. When he wants feeding, you feed him with pride wherever you happen to be!

CailinDana · 31/10/2012 08:16

You do realise that banks handle money? Lots of money? And that their rooms aren't just empty spaces, that they contain important documents and computers with access to all that money? They wouldn't let any member of the public into those rooms on their own, for any reason. The woman in the bank looked at you like you were mad, because, dear, you ARE mad, totally and utterly.

Havingkitties · 31/10/2012 08:17

YANBU to ask...but expect them to say no! I don't think the bank staff were looking at you like you were mad, they probably just didn't know how to answer you and felt bad they couldn't help out. Surely if they let you feed there, it would get round and soon the bank would become the next baby feed/change spot on the BF mum map? They would be inundated for there 'private' breast feeding rooms!
Whilst I don't think you should be a breast feeding martyr and suck it up in the pouring rain, you know you can just let your baby cry for a bit until you reach a clean dry suitable breast feeding spot.

ENormaSnob · 31/10/2012 08:17

Bullshit.

Or if not, you are odd. Very odd.

CookingFunt · 31/10/2012 08:23

I think you went out of your way to be outraged op. You have every right to feed your baby but not to hoof someone out of their office.
YABVVU and weird.

EleanorBloodBathsket · 31/10/2012 08:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CouthyMowEatingBraiiiiinz · 31/10/2012 08:30

A bank won't provide a room for you. They usually have chairs though.

It was the jobcentre that I took issue with. Was trying to claim Income Support as my partner had left me, my (then) 4mo needed feeding, so I fed him, very discretely. The FEMALE that I had my appointment with got very annoyed with me and told me to go and find a toilet to feed him in (!) and she would rearrange the appointment for a time when he wasn't going to feed.

I told her that as he was demand fed, there wasn't ANY time I could guarantee he wasn't going to need feeding, and I couldn't wait another two weeks for the appointment, so to carry on.

She huffed and tutted all the way through his feed, despite the fact that he was under a shawl. So she couldn't Jeffing see anything anyway.

MrsMuddyPuddles · 31/10/2012 08:34

She probably looked at you like you were mad because of the odd request, not because you wanted to BF.

MrsWembley · 31/10/2012 08:38

Mad mad mad mad mad mad mad mad

CookingFunt · 31/10/2012 08:46

The entitlement just smacks.

ArthurFowlersHauntedAllotment · 31/10/2012 09:34

ReallyTired · 31/10/2012 09:41

"o feed a baby is something to be hidden away from public view so that no one has to deal with it. dont get me wrong i am not a flop it out anywhere feeder and am always discreet but babies dont always want feeding when u are by a mothercare. should i write a letter to the bank and complain???? "

I don't think its the banks fault that you are a shamed off your breasts and breastfeeding.

"i am not a flop it out anywhere feeder and am always discreet but babies dont always want feeding when u are by a mothercare."

There is a lot to be said for being a flop it out anywhere feeder.

"why do i still feel, after breast feeding 5 children, that people look at me with disgust and that using boobs to feed a baby is something to be hidden away from public view so that no one has to deal with it."

I was a flop out feeder with my two children and I never experienced a negative reaction inspite of feeding both children to around the age of two. I think a lot of this is in your head.

Softlysoftly · 31/10/2012 09:43

But people it's her bank she probably has 200 of her shiny English £s in there, they should do as she says.

kim147 · 31/10/2012 09:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Softlysoftly · 31/10/2012 09:45

Also can anyone help me on etiquette? I'm not a "flop it all outer" but I am a "wave it about until little miss nosy, head on a swivel" latches on.

Does that mean I'm only allowed to bf in mothercare or would, say, John Lewis cafe be ok

HatchettOScary · 31/10/2012 09:49

Eh?

I'm off to the Post Office in a bit. Maybe I'll ask them to make me a coffee while I'm there

I have breastfed in a bank. We were there to make a mortgage application and DD was 6 weeks old and needed fed. I was offered a private space but the lovely mortgage advisor was happy for me to feed while we went through the application so I did. As I was there as a customer with an appointment to conduct business, I think they were happy to accommodate my needs. I think if I'd just strolled in off the street and asked for a private room to feed my baby I'd have (rightly, IMO) been told to sling my hook.

CookingFunt · 31/10/2012 09:49

I would love to see that letter. No doubt it will contain the words loyal customer, rights and discrimination.

Narked · 31/10/2012 09:52

Bollocks.

lovebunny · 31/10/2012 09:52

your error is not in breastfeeding but in thinking the bank will provide private space for it.

get radical! feed in public! i fed my daughter everywhere - on planes, in cafes, on buses, all over the place. why not? she was a baby and she needed milk.

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