To hate MIL's dog?

[waitingimpatiently]

My MIL has some form of dog. They think it's a jack russell but no one is too sure.

Anyway, she is horrid, she is poorly socialised, jumps on the couch / knees / dining table (!!!) as and when she pleases, and the family just accept this as 'what dogs do'.

The thing that truly winds me up though, is when this vile creature snaps at my DD. She has never actually bitten to break the skin but she mouths at her in a vicious way. Now, I teach my DD to respect animals, we have a dog who you could probably beat around and she'd still come back for a cuddle, but naturally, dogs are animals and unpredictable and need to be treated with respect. I feel my DD does nothing inappropriate to this dog yet the dog still snaps at her, but to top it off MIL does nothing to stop this. She doesn't shout, remove the dog from the room, in fact, she doesn't say anything at all (and this was the woman who had the cheek to tell us that our soft daft dog was likely to attack our DD...)

Last time this happened my DD got quite upset, she's only 2, started crying and said 'doggy hurt me' which tore me apart.

Is this ok?! I know its her dog, her house, her rules, but surely she shouldn't allow her animal to snap at her granddaughter?! WWYD?!

I'd say it's more of a comment about the MIL's attitude actually. The thread is made up quite evenly of dog lovers and 'haters' this is not a witch hunt.

I have a dog. He isn't vile, but his training is a work in progress . My own DC interact with him at will, and he regularly throws himself at them and insists on sitting on their heads. We are all ok with this. If we have visiting children, our much loved and daft dog is kept at a distance. It is unfair to expect a dog to automatically know how to behave around small children, they are both unknown quantities. Children can be rough, move suddenly, make alarming noises etc just by, you know, existing. So I don't risk it. It's not worth the possible outcome. I also know my dog, and he has a nervous disposition. Your MIL is being extremely irresponsible to not protect her GD and her dog, imo.

Can I do a quick hijack? Have an ongoing internal dilemma about PIL dog. West Highland Terrier, seems nice enough but not been around children. DS is 1 but still very much a baby, immobile and no concept of dogs. Kicks legs hard on floor.

PIL adore their dog and are more than happy for it to sniff around DS even when laying on the floor. I am quietly having palpitations that DS will annoy the dog and the dog will nip DS to warn him off. As I have not had a dog before I don't know if this is me being over protective or right to not want my DS to be the child that tests PIL dog's reaction to unpredictable child.

Any dog owners know what is sensible approach?

Ouch, as you don't know the dog particularly well, I'd keep DS off the floor when the dog is around, just in case he kicks him accidentally. Most dogs would not bite or snap in this situation, but you can never be certain.

I've always had my dogs in the room when I've had small children and do let the children interact if they show an interest but only ever under close, controlled supervision. I wouldn't leave a kicking baby on the floor with any dog unless I knew the dog 110% and was sat right by the baby and dog. Two of my dogs would simply howl dramatically if they were knocked by a baby, my other one I tend to keep away from small, unpredictable children. He does not like them one bit.

Never leave a child and dog unsupervised together, no matter how 'safe' you think they both are.

Thanks D0oin. Will continue as I am sticking close by then.

Hope you manage to work it out OP, can appreciate what a difficult situation you find yourself in.

I would keep your DS off the floor tbh.

I am quite sure my dogs wouldnt snap at any child but I wouldnt allow a child they didnt know to be laying on the floor with either of them just in case they kicked the dog accidentally.

LaQueen, if you'd done that to my dogs I would let you finish and then I would have pinned you to the ground for twice as long. There is no excuse for that kind of cruelty. The dog did not capitulate, it withdrew into itself out of fear, it hasn't repeated the behaviour not because it now thinks you are a the big boss but because it is too scared. I don't know about any one else on this thread but I prefer animals who are smaller than me not to be terrified of me.

Dogs do not try to dominate people. They are well aware that you are a person, they are a dog. Sometimes I think the dogs understand this more than most people do

It is impossible for humans to dominate or subdue dogs in the same way they do to each other without causing them significant distress. Dogs have a myriad of subtle gestures and calming signals that we can only dream of being visual enough to copy entirely. They will use subtle calming signals to diffuse a situation before it escalates. You went straight in for the kill with this dog.

If you want to compare to children it would be like 1,2,3 Magic. Except you missed the 1,2,3 part and jumped straight in with an overly harsh punishment and the poor dog probably did not have a clue what it was being punished for.

It also seems quite clear D0oin that the problem is with how the dog has been trained nothing more. The issue lies with the owner not the dog. By jumping straight in with an extreme control technique rather than taking it up with the owner is just the behaviour of a bully. I too would have gone absolutely batshit if someone did that to my dog!
I see no difference between this and chokeholding someone elses child to the floor!

I didn't know Ceaser Milan was on MN. You do sound a little bit weird for pinning a dog to the floor because it was running around in a non aggressive way. It's not a completely rational response is it?

That's fine, your prerogative and if you had shoved it out of the way it would make sense but pinning a dog to the floor does sound a little bit weird. I am not weeping for the poor little doggy and saying you are cruel, people react to protect their children. I simply think there is a difference between that and physically pinning an animal to the floor until it showed fear.

What's ire? I need to know if i need to save it.

Couldn't give a monkeys if I caused the dog distress?.... Wow! You sound lovely
Sounds to me that you were annoyed with your sister and the dog caught the short end of the stick. You are very lucky your sister is the reasonable sort!

My Dad's rescue dog used to do that to dd2 because no one ever taught her not to before she came to us.

I put a lead on her and led her away, there's a middle ground between ignoring it and over reacting. It's normally known as controlling the situation calmly and responsibly.

You were lucky you weren't bitten LaQueen. I then taught dd2 how to get the dog to play in acceptable way.

you have my sympathy. my own mum's dear dog has died thankfully. (Hang in there). It used to jump on me and I would look revolted obviously. My mum said 'he won't hurt you'. I used to crisply explain that although he hadn't hurt me he had laddered my tights/drooled on me/licked what I was planning to eat but hadn't held high enough up into the air.

I agree. SHE needs to do that. Not your place I'm afraid.

Ok, no ire for you. I do understand about pain in the arse dogs, I used to have a batty friend who had a huge bulldog that used to hump me solidly from the moment I got there to the moment I left and she used to giggle away. I did try to shake it off once and unfortunately resulted in flinging her off my leg and into the air and she landed with a thump in the corner! But for your sister's dog I do agree about the lead idea then there is less tension all round.

By removing them from the situation and informing your SIL that until she has the dog under control you will not be returning. Yes that is absolutely the most reasonable and necessary thing to do. You pinned the dog down to teach your SIL a lesson, it had nothing to do with protecting your child.

I watched a tv programme on choosing a dog a few years ago. It advised that if you were choosing a dog with a view to having it live with kids then you should get the dog on its back by the neck, and see if it would yield. Those who did quickly were suitable to live with children. We have always had dogs in our family and that technique has been used if they stepped out of line around children. I don't think LeQueen did anything wrong.

auntmargaret, that theory isn't generally held my MN people.

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