Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate MIL's dog?

84 replies

waitingimpatiently · 29/10/2012 21:02

My MIL has some form of dog. They think it's a jack russell but no one is too sure.

Anyway, she is horrid, she is poorly socialised, jumps on the couch / knees / dining table (!!!) as and when she pleases, and the family just accept this as 'what dogs do'.

The thing that truly winds me up though, is when this vile creature snaps at my DD. She has never actually bitten to break the skin but she mouths at her in a vicious way. Now, I teach my DD to respect animals, we have a dog who you could probably beat around and she'd still come back for a cuddle, but naturally, dogs are animals and unpredictable and need to be treated with respect. I feel my DD does nothing inappropriate to this dog yet the dog still snaps at her, but to top it off MIL does nothing to stop this. She doesn't shout, remove the dog from the room, in fact, she doesn't say anything at all (and this was the woman who had the cheek to tell us that our soft daft dog was likely to attack our DD...)

Last time this happened my DD got quite upset, she's only 2, started crying and said 'doggy hurt me' which tore me apart.

Is this ok?! I know its her dog, her house, her rules, but surely she shouldn't allow her animal to snap at her granddaughter?! WWYD?!

OP posts:
WelshMaenad · 29/10/2012 21:47

Lucyellen, try actually reading the OP. it's often enlightening.

Waiting - if your DH lacks the spine to stand up to his mum, that's his issue. You need to protect your child, and she is going up end up injured or phobic or both if this situation continues.

You have to be on HER side and either tell your MIL that the dog MUST be secured away from your child when you visit, or you and dd will not come to the house again. Your DH can do what he wants, but don't jet your dd down by being as weak as he is.

ddubsgirl · 29/10/2012 21:48

as a dog owner its not the dog,its the owners,they have failed to train the dog! i wouldnt been going over the the house all the time the dog is like that,the total blame lies with the owners.

Original poster
waitingimpatiently · 29/10/2012 22:02

I agree with most of these answers so thank you very much.
Lucyellenmum - its not that i disagree, but i feel that my daughter knows well enough how to behave towards dogs, as evidence that my dog has never turned on her, and if she does push that little bit too hard, she is told. I wouldn't ask MIL to get their dog put down due to a bit of growling or even this snapping, but this dog is getting progressively worse and this could end badly, and not for the dog. Plus, I do not have a mistrust / dislike of dogs, i have one myself...

I am going to have to get DH to say something. If this does not resolve it (which i am not hopeful of, MIL is a bit of a bitch strong willed), i will simply stop taking her. I have one on the way too, and if it snaps at my DD who can defend herself to an extent, there is the possibility of it snapping at new baby too, who can't.

OP posts:
ddubsgirl · 29/10/2012 22:05

stop taking dd round,its not worth the risk,if mil throws a strop she needs to get the dog trained!

NotAnotherNewNappy · 29/10/2012 22:06

What would I do? I would never ever let my daughter within 10 yards of the dog ever again!

If your MIL cares for your DD at all then she will make arrangements to see her without the dog. If she CBA to put herself out, then she's not bothered about your DD and they don't need to see each other. It's not like you're fretting over a perceived risk, thisog actually bit your DD!!

NotAnotherNewNappy · 29/10/2012 22:09

How do you expect a terrified 2 year old can defend herself against a jack Russell? [hconfused]

freddiefrog · 29/10/2012 22:13

MiL has a shit-tzu and it's so snappy

I won't take my kids round there unless the dog is shut away.

It bit my foot when I tried to put my shoes on once, and it bit my DD1's nose when she bent down to pick up her own teddy bear

We have our own dog, the kids know exactly how to behave around them, they never go near the bloody thing, let around pull it around, it's snappy and has an obsession with guarding things

Original poster
waitingimpatiently · 29/10/2012 22:19

NotAnotherNewNappy - she won't put herself out unless its convenient for her. She moans that we have no money, moans when we don't come round but won't pay for petrol in her car to come and see us unless she wants something.
I wouldn't expect her to totally defend herself, im just saying she has more wits about her than a new born who can't even really shout out. We dont leave her alone with this dog anyway.

Have just spoken to DH who actually agrees Shock so we'll see what MIL has to say about it (although she'll probably just say we're over reacting as she didn't see the last incident the other day...)
I dont think its coming across, but im really not this womans (or her dogs) biggest fan...

OP posts:
midseasonsale · 29/10/2012 22:35

Take control. Remove MIL's dog from the room yourself. Don't hesitate or ask if it's OK. If MIL takes offence, tel her its the dog of your family in the room and she can take her pick.

midseasonsale · 29/10/2012 22:37

Stop taking DD and if asked just say that her dog is too snappy and you don't want to take the risk.

PeppermintLatte · 29/10/2012 22:54

do what i do, i ask that MIL's dog be locked out during our visit. your child is precious, it's not worth the risk. either she locks the dog out or you don't visit anymore, she will have to visit you without her dog in tow.

Scuttlebutter · 29/10/2012 23:06

If you are keen to maintain an appearance of family harmony, can you meet your PIL on neutral territory where (conveniently) dogs not allowed? Ask them to come to swimming pool, soft play, shopping, coffee out, etc - all things they can do with DD but not involving yappy terrier.

I'm not hysterical about dogs with DC, but in this case, your DH needs to understand his desire for a quiet life could come at his DD's expense. Personally, I wouldn't have the dog in the house. I adore dogs myself and anyone who visits us knows to expect them, but I'd never in a million years inflict them on anyone else's home unless I knew they were welcome - that is basic courtesy, and is particularly important when you have a toddler and the dog is not used to DC on a day to day basis.

Loveweekends10 · 30/10/2012 05:33

Yes my MIL also has a vile snappy little runt.
My MIL now hides the dog away after I said I was going to kick it if it snapped at DD once more.

Morloth · 30/10/2012 06:17

Either the dog is outside/in another room. Or the kid doesn't visit.

She can choose.

theodorakis · 30/10/2012 06:17

Not a thread for people who like dogs then?
You clearly don't have any respect for your in laws or dogs so why not just stay away from both? It's a non question. I hate my in laws so i don't have any contact with the rude unpleasant people.
Or you could ask your inlaws to rehome the dog, as you can see from this thread, rescues are lying empty and crying out for people to dump dogs who have been superseeded by children.

Last, I often find people's 2 year olds more irritating than their dogs. It's horses (sorry if you hate those too) for courses.

recall · 30/10/2012 06:47

theodorakis its not a question of which is the most irritating, there is a risk of injury to a child. The situation can be managed without the dog being rehomed.

Latara · 30/10/2012 07:12

A dog should be well trained enough to know not to bite a 2 year old IMO.

If not then it should be kept well away from the child.

This dog is not trained at all - that's the fault of it's owner, OP's MIL.. the dog needs to go to training & socialisation classes asap & then, if it's still snappy, to see an animal behaviourist.

I feel sorry that the dog has such a crap owner.

And I feel sorry for OP that she has to put up with such a crap MIL.

I hope the little girl doesn't end up terrified of dogs for life, but she will if the MIL refuses to change her ways.

Megatron · 30/10/2012 07:22

Lucy have you even read the OP or just decided that it must be the child's fault because you like dogs. (Like a hell of a lot of us do)

The difference between some and most reasonable people is that they understand that not all dogs are nice creatures, normally because of how they have been raised. It sounds to me that this dog has been raised, unfortunately like so many, a bit like a spolit child that can do what they want. I adore my dogs and they are part of my family, they have always been well treated and crucially, well trained. I would not allow my children near a dog that I felt was unsafe for them to be around and I'm afraid that the OP will have to set some rules, no matter how unpopular it may make her.

Lougle · 30/10/2012 07:24

OP, I agree with LEM to a large extent.
" i feel that my daughter knows well enough how to behave towards dogs, as evidence that my dog has never turned on her, and if she does push that little bit too hard, she is told."

Your DD knows your dog's limit. That sentence above indicates to me that you think it's acceptable for your child to interact with your MIL's dog. The dog is telling you that she's not happy with a 2 year old approaching her. That may be as simple as the fact that toddlers give intense eye contact and they are so short that the dog can't escape it.

Believe it or not, the dog is being good. It is telling you it is unhappy with your daughter's attention. Your job is to teach your daughter to leave that dog alone. The fact that your own dog doesn't mind it is irrelevant. Your MIL's job is to recognise her dog's needs and give her somewhere peaceful to rest while you visit.

This is nothing about the dog. It's about the adults respecting that dogs do not always appreciate advances from children, no matter how 'appropriate' in the eyes of the adults.

TantrumsIsTheREALPumpkinKiller · 30/10/2012 07:28

I would definitley agree with neutral territory visits rather than at home.
If the dog is untrained, a curious child is not a good mix IMO

I adore dogs, but I've had a few foster dogs with behaviour issues. I would never have an untrained dog near a child.

Owners should know their dogs issues and not ignore them.

theodorakis · 30/10/2012 07:57

I was being ironic recall

lucyellenmum · 30/10/2012 08:23

Lougle Thankyou, you said exactly what i think, just more eloquently.

Megatron back to that old chestnut of if someone doesn't agree with the majority rest of the sheep then they obviously haven't read the thread Hmm.

I actually agree that the MILs "vile" dog should be kept away from the child, because however "appropriate" the OP considers the interaction to be, the dog is not comfortable with being approached by the child and making its feelings known. It is after all a DOG, not a person. It is a dog that has not been bought up with children so doesn't understand that the child isn't a threat. Maybe it is a cantankerous dog, my uncle had one of these, it was a chihuahua, it was a little fucker of the highest order, i was under strict instructions NOT to touch him.

The best and easiest thing for everyone, including the "vile" dog, is to crate him when the GC is around.

Also, im not sure that a 2 year old can really "read" a dog well enough to know if it is happy with an interaction so unless its a very well trusted family pet, then it would be a dont touch the dog rule for me.

Kalisi · 30/10/2012 08:26

I think some people are missing the point here. This is not a 'child vs dog' thread and some comments on this thread are stupidly defensive. Whether it is the dogs 'fault' or not is completely irrelevant. The OP's child was hurt in someone elses home and she is not satisfied with how it was dealt with.
It's really very simple OP, if your MIL wants you to visit in her home, you need to inform her the dog needs to be in a different room. If she is not happy with that then she needs to get off her arse and come to you....minus the dog.

theodorakis · 30/10/2012 08:31

This was never a thread asking for advice, just a need for a pat on the back for hating the horrid dog. Unless you are actually unutterably stupid it is so completely and utterly obvious that you ask her to keep the dog out of the way.
This was never the question. It's a stupid thread and a waste of wear on the keyboard.

BloodRedAlienReflux · 30/10/2012 08:34

My Mums dog is like this, I don't trust it one bit. When we visit, it's quite a distance, so we put stair gates up all over the bloody place, yes, it's a chore, but I have a bad feeling about that dog (I'm a life long dog owner myself, something is not right with it) so, I will not take taht gamble, Don't you take that gamble OP, you would never ever forgive yourself, and don't underestimate the damage a jack russell could do