to feel like a mug? I gave £20 to a beggar....

[earwig1]

I went shopping with my kids in London today, and we saw many beggars, mostly Rumanian, along Oxford St. As we approached John Lewis I saw a young woman begging. She seemed to be Muslim as she was wearing a head scarf, and in her mid 20s. For some reason I was compelled to ask her if she was ok, and as she spoke some English I asked her a few questions. She said she was a Bosnian refugee and she had shelter, not homeless, and lived with her mother and her daughter. She said she has no National Insurance number, so can't work, and actually apologized for begging. I gave her £20... Now I feel silly, as I know that I should give the money to Shelter, or other charities, but while I usually walk past beggars there was something about her that I couldn't ignore.

I struggle a bit with this, as I feel my response is maybe rather harsh.

We have a fair few beggars in our city. If people are busking - I mean decent busking - I sometimes give them something. But if they ask for change I don't, because I know that there are places they can go and get fed, it's a small place, I even know who runs these services.

So I don't understand why they are asking us, and not asking the people who are willing and prepared (and funded) to help them, instead.

Often they are drunk or high anyway and asking a vulnerable person (pregnant with several small children) for cash is a bit out of order imo - but they are clearly beyond caring or even noticing who they're talking to.

So I ignore them, and I am glad of the places that I know will help them if they are genuinely in need. I just don't think it's appropriate to stand or sit on the street asking for money when there is already help available.

Am I missing something? Am I wrong - because I always doubt my feelings on this. So tell me if I am being too right wing about it.

It's partly that they seem so horrible and rude, and like they think their day is crapper than yours when in fact you might be really struggling too - but often they don't give a shit and just swear at you or something. Yes I have a home to go to, I guess that trumps it, in their minds. But still - swearing etc is horrible.

I was in Oxford Street last Friday and I noticed a team of these women, of various ages and all dressed alike, begging at intervals from Marble Arch to Oxford Circus.

TBH yanbu but not a mug yes it is nice to give but I think you have been suckered in somehow begging can be big business and people operate in gangs especially in bigger cities, you were just being kind though

Look at another way. You are not a mug you are arguably the victim of a crime. You did something you believed was good because you are nice person and I am sorry that you were conned.

The money would have gone straight to her boss. The bastard. I agree you were the victim of a crime.

curious I was called hard not giving to beggars.not hard at all
I understand begging funds criminality,drug use,dysfunction,impedes recovery
if you feel good by giving to beggars,but harshly judge those who don't thats a curious judgement call

I really wish people wouldn't give to beggars. It perpetuates a terrible industry.

I think you were a mug - but I remember being absolute skint and giving my last £20 to a beggar on christmas eve, because he told me he could get the bus back to his family with that money. I know I was conned, but at least he was high for christmas.

why knowingly give last £20 if you think wool be spent on street drugs
I don't see how that's in any way beneficial or makes you feel done good there
I don't give to beggars,at all

So what food would you buy for them and do you ask if they want it first?

Begging itself is illegal and as others have said there is a major business in begging, particularly Romanians (not just in the UK but I also saw many in Germany), they don't get any of the money- it goes to the gangs that 'own' them and the poor kids are trained to beg from a really young age.. Watched a great panorama on it last year.

I don't usually give to the 'homeless' because I am well aware most are definitely not homeless and will almost definitely use any money I give them for drugs or alcohol and i'm not willing to contribute towards that. I have offered food in the past and been turned down so there's my blatant evidence (that and the fact i've seen some with more expensive shoes than me/ones who are pissed out of their trees)

Yanbu but next time don't bother and yes, give to shelter.

wouldn't buy food or give money
there are outreach teams,soup runs,charities,food banks
your money buys a score bag or straight into crim pocket

The only direct donation I have made is a cup of tea on a cold day. I would never give cash, as then it perpetuates the gangs who send women (and children) out to beg. And some may be civil about it, but I've been accosted quite aggressively before by people asking for money.

If you feel better for having given her £20, and you can afford the donation, then fine. Personally, not what I would have done.

I used to give regularly to the Big Issue man in the high street in my town. He was from Eastern Europe and I always gave him more than the cost of the magazine and would bung him an extra tenner every so often.

Until I saw him texting on his i-phone...

I once took an interest in the beggars outside my former flat in the city centre. They "changed shifts" regularly, and sometimes had noisy fights with other beggars intent on moving in on their prime patch. I had to phone the police a couple of times and they told me they all operated out of a similar Georgian flat to mine, which they rented, weren't homeless, made a good living out of it, and I would soon observe they weren't there in bad weather or when there were no tourists or pub goers out and about!

Oh dont get me started on the Big Issue sellers - they always have nicer phones than me!

Did you know working for the Big Issue counts are self employment and therefore can give non-EU citizens a loophole to remain in the country?

I won't buy it off the Romanian sellers. The Big Issue was set up to help rehabilitate people who had become homeless due to drug/alcohol problems.

I don't give money to beggars ever either. I will buy them a cup of coffee and a muffin occasionally though. The genuine ones are so grateful it's actually a bit heart breaking.

Once I have given money away, I no longer have any right to dictate how it is used.

I was with a friend once who sneered at me for giving money to a beggar, saying loftily that I should have given food as "he'll only spend it on alcohol".

We had just been to the pub.

I donate to 4 charities on a monthly basis, donate goods / clothes to a charity shop pretty often (DS is 4 (yesterday) and is growing far too quickly!)

In my local Sainsburys they have 2 trolleys by the door: local RSPCA asking for animal food and the other for the local food bank. I buy a big tin of dog food and some cereal each week for those.
At Christmas, last year, they added a 3rd trolley for Christmas presents. I bought 3 children's presents as its break my heart to know that a child woke to nothing on Christmas day

It's not much in total, probably £30 a month, but they are charities I believe in and I like that I can help my local community. I'd hate to be in such desperate need and it's lovely to know that, even though money is tight for most of us, we still care about our fellow men.

Why not pop a tin of beans in your local food bank trolley?

Same here ShiftyFades
Our Sainsbury's also has a food bank collection point so I buy a few items for it every week when I do my grocery shop.

I would also suggest that your money will be generally put to better use through a charity such as Shelter or CentrePoint.

But OP your heart is in the right place!

I remember once as a student I was waiting for a train home for the weekend and there was an old lady begging for "something to get something to eat". As it happened I had been given a packed lunch from my Hall of Residence as a substitute for the meal I was missing. I didn't particular want said packed lunch so I gave it to this old lady instead who looked a bit nonplussed. A bloke near me started laughing and then told me she was there regularly and usually begged until she had enough for half a bottle of whisky!