to feel like a mug? I gave £20 to a beggar....

[earwig1]

I went shopping with my kids in London today, and we saw many beggars, mostly Rumanian, along Oxford St. As we approached John Lewis I saw a young woman begging. She seemed to be Muslim as she was wearing a head scarf, and in her mid 20s. For some reason I was compelled to ask her if she was ok, and as she spoke some English I asked her a few questions. She said she was a Bosnian refugee and she had shelter, not homeless, and lived with her mother and her daughter. She said she has no National Insurance number, so can't work, and actually apologized for begging. I gave her £20... Now I feel silly, as I know that I should give the money to Shelter, or other charities, but while I usually walk past beggars there was something about her that I couldn't ignore.

was for my parents not worra!!

I think it was a lovely thing to do Earwig, you made someone very happy today!

You were we'll meaning OP, don't feel bad about an act of kindness.

I've been on both sides of it, been conned and given to a real case.

There is a chap in the town I work. He sits on the canal path which is the main route for foot traffic from the car park to the shops. He looks so desolate and cold. I used to give him some of my packed lunch.

I was early for work one day, and dawdling. Imagine my surprise when I spotted the homeless chap parking his nice car up and climbing out.

But then, when I was in my early twenties, I was in town with some friends. A girl was sitting with her head down and her hand out. I recognised her. I'd been to school with her. We had a long chat and I took her to the travelodge and paid for a room and a meal for her.

Maybe, OP, if you see her again, just have a look see if she appears to be telling others the same tale.

Although you may have been a bit of a mug, I think that your heart was in the right place and if she was a genuine it would have helped her a lot!!
My husband Is from Sri Lanka and there are lots of beggars there, I'm sure they hate it when they come begging from me, they get the third degree in questions but if they are genuine they are happy to answer and if they are begging for food or medicine then they are happy for me to buy it then I really don't mind!! But when they only want money or for me to buy them food that is from KFC instead of a local cafe where I'm eating and everyone else is too they get told that they can't actually be hungry!
I'm also a bit wary of some charities since being in Sri Lanka after the tsunami and how some of them behaved it has kind of made me very wary of where there money is spent!!
Sorry went on a bit!!

Years ago, it must have been 1996 and after the City Centre was bombed, I saw a woman begging and she looked really rough. I went to a market and bought a bag of apples, bananas and oranges and took it to her. You should have heard how irritated and grumpy she was! She complained loudly to another beggar nearby and rolled her eyes at my gift. Back then, I was working flat out, 40 hours a week, at a job that paid about £3.20 an hour..... it really put me off even the "buy them food and drink" message.

I now only give to organised charities like Shelter.

I agree it's probably better to donate to homeless shelters and charities. Giving to street beggars often just perpetuates the problem. And often the situation is not what you think.

It's your money though, you can do what you like with it.

You don't see the 'Romanian' women begging with babies as much as you used to IME, I guess that's been cracked down on, or maybe it just isn't working as well now most people are wise to it.

Nicely put Everlong.

she was probably part of a gang and you've been conned. but your heart was in the right place.

Will never forget Xmas shopping in Edinburgh many years ago on a bitterly cold day and walked past a young man begging and literally trembling with cold. I couldn't get him out of my head so bought a hot drink and a sandwich and took it out to him. Really stupidly - cringe-i wished him a happy Christmas ( I was very young) and I will never forget his face as tears filled his eyes and he said - in a very well spoken,educated voice - God bless you always. Thank you.
I still think about him, how he came to be there and wonder what happened to him.

Hi Demented you dont know me under this name but you do know me (smile)
Thats a heartbreaking story.
I would rather give and be conned than pass someone in need by.

I never give.ever
there is adequate charity,public sector and food bank provision
in the circumstance you describe shed still get support ESP in Ldn

Kindness is never the wrong thing.

I do think it makes more sense to go through official channels.

But you know what? Sometimes it is OK to just be kind to that person, who is standing in front of you.

Even if she was dodgy, that doesn't detract from the kindness you have displayed.

imo giving. to beggars supports dependency,fund drug/alcohol use,many criminal gangs make women beg
this isn't about kindness,that's sentimental.it's about not financing begging
There is adequate outreach,charity provision to feed and support those in need

statutory agencies,charities,police generally advise against giving to beggars
certainly founder of big issue does,he quite strident about this
begging can be lucrative,it delays recovery,can fund alcohol/substance misuse

"There is adequate outreach,charity provision to feed and support those in need"

There should be, but it isn't always accessible or easy to navigate. I've been in dire straits before, I now know where I could have gone for help having seen MNers post in situations that were close to my own in a past life.

Morloth that's a lovely way to put it.

funding begging is funding criminality,substance misuse,and impedes recovery
it doesn't actually help
I don't know if you know but numerous companies give sell by food to charity
there are soup runs, outreach and voluntary sector all offering support and provision

and I knowing how begging impedes funds criminality and exploitation of women and children don't give
a good pitch can make few hundred,maintaing that person in cycle of begging
imo if you want to support recovery give to legit charities

Westminster Council ran a series of ads pretty much saying exactly the same as scottishmummy that begging can be used to support substance abuse etc and may help keep someone on the street, so its better to give to charity.