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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I wrong to not even think to invite them??

39 replies

Pleasenomorepeppa · 29/10/2012 10:07

DD & her friends (all but 2 of them pre-schoolers), had a Halloween Party yesterday, (Sunday).
Each grown up came with a plate of food & myself & 2 friends used our store of decorations!
The party was at mine as the building I live in has large communal hallways that are great for children's parties & my neighbours are very understanding!
There were 11children in total including 2 younger siblings.
Last night after we'd cleaned up etc, DH put some photos on Facebook.
This morning my sister in law left a 'thanks for the invite' comment on a photo.
They have 2 DCs 8 & 5.5 & live about an hour away.
It didn't cross my mind to ask them. I also didn't have my Dsis children 9 & 5.5 there & I'm very close to them.
We do always ask them to birthday parties as they do us.
As an extra note we no longer accept their invites as so far DD has never actually been included in a party once we've arrived. I don't mean the activities, that, as a toddler she can't participate in, but the party tea.
There's never a place at a table for her or any food!
WIBU????

OP posts:
MrsCantSayAnything · 29/10/2012 10:09

You were wrong in my opinion yes. Her DC are young still and would have enjoyed it. But the thing about no place at the table for your DD is odd...why don't you just say "Where is DD meant to sit?"

MrsCantSayAnything · 29/10/2012 10:09

And what do you mean no food for her? Party tea's are just grab what they want to....why don't you just ask for another chair if you don't see one?

kinkyfuckery · 29/10/2012 10:10

You probably should have thought about inviting her (and your sister and kids) but you didn't, and there's nothing that can be done about that now.
What did you reply to her?

squeakytoy · 29/10/2012 10:13

You do sound a bit unreasonable.

How old was your toddler when she wasnt seated at the table? I am guessing too young maybe???

Paiviaso · 29/10/2012 10:13

YANBU. It wasn't a family affair, it was a school-friends affair.

MrsCantSayAnything · 29/10/2012 10:14

I thought that squeaky

ChaosTrulyReigns · 29/10/2012 10:14

It would have beeb pleasant to ask her, the more the merrier usually.

I don't understand your commemts about her not being included - could you explain a bit please?

Mrsfluff · 29/10/2012 10:18

I don't think ywbu, it sounds like a friends get-together, rather than a family one. In the same circumstances I certainly wouldn't have invited my family.

Nancyclancy · 29/10/2012 10:21

YANBU. I do things with my dc school friends only and don't always include family and vice versa. You can't invite everyone all the time.
I don't get the point you made about your dd not having any food/place to sit at their parties either though. If your dd needs different food and a high chair, that's for you to provide.

exexpat · 29/10/2012 10:24

If her DCs are anything like mine, they would have hated being driven for an hour each way to join in a party with lots of annoying little kids several years younger than them...

You were totally not being unreasonable not to even think of inviting relatives an hour away to a small part for your DC's school friends, and your SiL sounds rather unpleasantly passive-aggressive.

BeingBooyhoo · 29/10/2012 10:24

if it was a school friend thing then i dont think YWBU not to invite ebvery family member within a 50 mile radius! just message her back that it was school friends and not family.

bringbacksideburns · 29/10/2012 10:26

There's nothing like a passive aggressive comment is there?

schoolchauffeur · 29/10/2012 10:28

Don't think you were being unreasonable either- you can't invite everyone to everything! This is a group of friends having a Halloween do for pre-schoolers- which was only held at your house as it was the most convenient venue.
I don't think you have to invite family to everything just because it was a kids party- the family kids sounds older too. Not sure my DCs would have wanted to go to a toddler party- even if it was their cousins.

I think the OP's point about going to family parties with her DD is that they have been invited but when they get there DD as she is little and it would seem younger than the other kids ( and presumably doesn't know them as they are school friends of her older cousins) is not "officially" included. The invitation is in effect a bit of a hollow one so they no longer go along.

freddiefrog · 29/10/2012 10:29

YANBU

I wouldn't always think to invite every child I know to every party I have.

Original poster
Pleasenomorepeppa · 29/10/2012 10:29

The party teas are catered lunch box affairs or hot individual meals. She'd have ranged from 18 months-3.5 at the parties.
7 children at the party were from pre-school or groups that we go to in the area. 2 were younger siblings & 2 were 5 & 6 who came with another friend as there were childcare issues
It didn't occur to me to invite family as the party was organised by Mums & none of us mentioned inviting extended family. It was at mine because i have the most space. Also everyone live within walking distance.
My sister is 2.5 hours away & SIL is about an hour away.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pleasenomorepeppa · 29/10/2012 10:31

schoolchauffer that is exactly what I meant!

OP posts:
NotQuintAtAllOhNo · 29/10/2012 10:31

Why not just respond "I honestly thought your children too old to enjoy a party of toddlers from dds preschool"

DuelingFanjo · 29/10/2012 10:36

If it were me I would respond with 'it was just for DD's young friends'. I don't see why you should invite your SIL or your own sister if you didn't want to.

cocolepew · 29/10/2012 10:37

YANBU it was organised by a group of mums for your DCs, it wasn't a family party.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 29/10/2012 10:37

that still doesn't explain why there is no food for your dd at your SIL's party???

NotMostPeople · 29/10/2012 10:39

Just reply it was a toddler group thing.

mantlepiece · 29/10/2012 10:39

YANBU. The party was for DD and her friends, you cannot invite everyone in the family to everything.

People are so cheeky, I would ignore her comment, does not even deserve a reply.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 29/10/2012 10:42

It sounds like your SIL has misunderstood the intention of the party. As its at your home, she probably (understandably) assumed it was your party and was hurt that her dc weren't included in it. But she doesn't know that it wasn't 'your' party, it was a party organised by a group of people and it just happened to be held at yours.

I don't think yabu to have not invited her, but you do need to explain that it wasn't your party. Others had as much to do with the organising as you, and you couldn't have invited everyone's extended family.

Groovee · 29/10/2012 10:42

YANBU, if it was a group of mums from toddlers/school then it's not unreasonable that you didn't invite family as it was friends.

SugariceAndScary · 29/10/2012 10:42

YANBU, point out to SiL it was a friends party, not family.

She is unreasonable for leaving the snotty comment on FB.