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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I wrong to not even think to invite them??

39 replies

Pleasenomorepeppa · 29/10/2012 10:07

DD & her friends (all but 2 of them pre-schoolers), had a Halloween Party yesterday, (Sunday).
Each grown up came with a plate of food & myself & 2 friends used our store of decorations!
The party was at mine as the building I live in has large communal hallways that are great for children's parties & my neighbours are very understanding!
There were 11children in total including 2 younger siblings.
Last night after we'd cleaned up etc, DH put some photos on Facebook.
This morning my sister in law left a 'thanks for the invite' comment on a photo.
They have 2 DCs 8 & 5.5 & live about an hour away.
It didn't cross my mind to ask them. I also didn't have my Dsis children 9 & 5.5 there & I'm very close to them.
We do always ask them to birthday parties as they do us.
As an extra note we no longer accept their invites as so far DD has never actually been included in a party once we've arrived. I don't mean the activities, that, as a toddler she can't participate in, but the party tea.
There's never a place at a table for her or any food!
WIBU????

OP posts:
Original poster
Pleasenomorepeppa · 29/10/2012 10:43

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow. At the party tea there are, for example, 15 places laid at the table with 15 plates of food in front of each chair. My DD would be number 16.
Last we year BIL did apologise & offer to buy her some chips.

OP posts:
YouOldSlag · 29/10/2012 10:45

YANBU. I have a large family and now my DS is in school, his parties are just for half a dozen school friends. Otherwise I if I start inviting family and all their kids, I would have to hire a hall every time.

As a footnote though, because of this rule, I generally don't put any photos of FB and that way nobody gets jealous.

kinkyfuckery · 29/10/2012 10:47

How do you know it's your DD who has been missed out intentionally, and not that they've just miscounted?
I'm guessing there's more history, because if not, that's a ridiculous assumption to jump to.

NotQuintAtAllOhNo · 29/10/2012 10:47

I bet they have simply experienced every parents horror of confirming numbers to the venue, and more guests turned up? You know how irritating it is if people dont RSVP and then turn up...

Original poster
Pleasenomorepeppa · 29/10/2012 10:57

Because every year they make sure all the children are seated & DD is never seated.

OP posts:
Everlong · 29/10/2012 11:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

halloweeneyqueeney · 29/10/2012 11:03

YWNBU just reply that it was a preschool thing that all the preschool parents helped run and your building happened to be the venue and that you don't tag along to all of her DCs school events

NotQuintAtAllOhNo · 29/10/2012 11:14

I think you need to talk to her. And send her an email asking what the actual fuck her problem is.
"My dd does not get neither a seat nor a meal at birthday parties at theirs, and you are expecting me to cater for yours at Halloween in addition to Birthday parties? Lets end this charade now, as both me and dd are sick of being second class "guests" at your parties."

pictish · 29/10/2012 11:16

Yanbu...but there's no need to escalate this. Just explain 'this was a wee school mums get together, just with kids from nursery and school x'

littlebird3 · 29/10/2012 11:18

Yanbu but your sil is for putting such a petty comment on fb.

halloweeneyqueeney · 29/10/2012 11:21

I can't believe so many people think everyone has to be invited to everything, if the OP was leaving out kids from the PRESCHOOL to a big preschool party I'd agree, but I don't see why she can't have a preschool get together without family????

ArthurShappey · 29/10/2012 11:21

I would tell her that it was a party for preschoolers... Your dc and their preschool friends. It was not a family thing. Tell her your sorry if she was offended but it really didn't occur to you to invite 9 year olds to a preschool party.

catkind · 29/10/2012 11:24

Yuck, they have NO entitlement to come to any parties, birthday, halloween or otherwise. Perhaps she was joking (but she should know how it would come across). Perhaps she was brought up with some thing where family are always invited but aren't part of the main party and thinks it is the normal way to do it?? (Being ultra charitable now!)

EscapeInTheCity · 29/10/2012 11:24

2 issues there.
1- the party with your dd's friends. Well they are friends from playgroups etc... It was NOT a family party and I can't see why your SIL would be unhappy about it.
I would just send her an email explaining that this was a little meet up with some of dd friends, nothing really extravagant. No one had any family there as it was so low key.

2- the issue with no place or food for your dd to eat... ShockShock.
I would have made a fuss a long long time ago. Why didn't you say anything? Actually why your DH hasn't said anything to his dsis yet?

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