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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not have made my 10 year old any breakfast?

34 replies

DinosaursOnASpaceship · 28/10/2012 10:39

Ds1 is 10. I also have ds2 who is 8, ds3 16 months and am 26 weeks pregnant. I'm a single parent.

Because I have my hands full I've been trying to give ds1&2 more responsibility, including, bringing dirty washing downstairs, washing their cups after they've been used, putting their shoes and coats away instead of dumping them in the living room, being allowed a later bedtime, ds1 is allowed to walk to the shop, they both go out to play, etc.

Ds2 is fine, and will get on a do what he's asked. Ds1 not so much - the later bedtime and going to the shop he thinks is great but doing the little tasks that I've asked of him, not so much.

This morning, ds3 is being a pain and I'm feeling grotty so told the boys that they could feel free to make their own breakfasts. On offer is cereal, toast, porridge, fruit and yoghurt. Ds2 came back with a bag of crisps Hmm but was trying his luck, put them away, and made himself some porridge in the microwave. Then washed his bowl.

Ds1 however, hasn't eaten anything because:

The cereal looks stale
He doesn't know how to work the microwave
There is no fruit that he likes
There is nothing to eat

(the cereal is fine, there are four different types of fruit, I've explained the microwave to him. It's very simple)

He either wants/expects me to make him some porridge or he wants me to give him money to go to the shops and buy some waffles (his suggestion)

AIBU to not make him breakfast because he is basically being lazy? I'm sure he won't starve.

This is a common theme with him lately - declaring he is starving but not starving enough to make his way into the kitchen and make a sandwich/eat fruit/etc - what he means is that he wants junk, crisps or chocolate.

(I do normally do breakfast, lunch and dinner, but don't see why I should be jumping up every few minutes to get 'snacks' as they constantly request. Plus, ds1 will happily make a cup of tea, hot chocolate, etc. Hes capable and smart so not struggling with tasks)

I can see my food bill rising sharply, my boys seem to have reached the growth spurt starving stage!

OP posts:
crazygracieuk · 28/10/2012 10:40

Yanbu. My 6 year old makes cereal, sandwiches, toast and I have no excuse.

vampirestakeknickers · 28/10/2012 10:42

YANBU ddtwins have been self-breakfasting esp at weekends for ages now. just keep bogging it out, starvation will force him to eat in the end [hgrin]

CaurnieBred · 28/10/2012 10:43

My 7 year old can sort her own breakfast out - he is BU.

valiumredhead · 28/10/2012 10:44

My ds has been making his own breakfast since he was 7 or 8.

MrsCantSayAnything · 28/10/2012 10:45

Yanbu. My 8 year old made cereal, toast and hot chocolate for her and her 4 year old sister this morning. He'll eat something eventually.

puds11 · 28/10/2012 10:47

YANBU, you really do have your hands full, i don't know how you do it! My DD gets certain things herself, and i expect her tidy up after herself to a certain degree, and help with the washing. She is 4, so i would be refusing to do that for a 10 year old unless they were ill or in some way debilitated.

LadyLapsang · 28/10/2012 10:47

Why don't you make a family breakfast and all sit down together to eat it. Less work, some nice family time and cheaper. Personally I would have made him breakfast - after all he is still only primary school age. Also, I think boys especially are more difficult to handle if hungry. Make him a nice breakfast and speak to him about how he helps out afterwards.

freddiefrog · 28/10/2012 10:51

YANBU

I'm currently having the same discussion with my 11 year old.

Breakfast table is set with bowls, spoons, cereal and milk. Her 7 year old sister managed to get herself a bowl of cereal. DD1 is rolling around on the sofa whining that she's huuuuuuunnnnnnggggggrrrrrryyyyyyy but won't get herself a bowl of cereal as apparently she 'can't do it'. So far she's tried it on with a packet of malteasers, a Rolo dessert, a packet of custard creams and a mini-roll, all of which involved far more effort to get than the bowl of bloody cereal.

We're now in a stubborn stand off.

Scarynuff · 28/10/2012 10:54

YANBU and in fact YABR to teach your children some life skills.

My dcs made their own breakfast from age 7 and also started making their own packed lunch at that age (under supervision).

Now, my 13 year old ds can cook proper meals for the whole family, he made pasties from scratch last weekend because he fancied them for lunch. He's perfectly capable and confident in the kitchen.

Apart from anything else, you have made the rule, so you should stick to it. He is just trying it on.

MrsCantSayAnything · 28/10/2012 10:55

LadyLapsang what bollocks...."boys are more difficult to handle if hungry* PEOPLE are more difficult to handle if hungry. Girls aren't delicate flowers who only need to inhale some flowers in order to get energy you know!

As for the nice family breakfast....OP probably feels a bit tired given that she's pregnant and with toddler too.

squishyotter · 28/10/2012 10:55

Yanbu

ten year old should be able to pour some cereal in a bowl and add milk. Sounds like he isn't really hungry and he has his heart set on some waffles.

OrangeLily · 28/10/2012 10:57

Stand your ground, what a load of nonsense!

Startailoforangeandgold · 28/10/2012 11:01

YANBU
DD2 has coped with breakfast since she was 8 or 9.

She can do packet porridge, doesn't like tea and delegates hit chocolate to 14y sister, who is very good at it.

OHforDUCKScake · 28/10/2012 11:03

Ds is 5 and he gets his own cereal.

Your DS1 is being a bone idle little bugger. Simply dont do it for him.

Inneedofbrandy · 28/10/2012 11:04

YANBU both mine 5 and almost 7 make their own breakfasts on a weekend unless I buy in brioche and croissants.

I let them do cereal mixes which they think is great

smilingthroughgrittedteeth · 28/10/2012 11:05

Yanbu my step-son who is 9 gets up and makes himself breakfast its not hard to pour some cereal into a bowl or put some toast into a toaster.

Both DSS and DSD (14) usually make their own lunch too (sandwiches, crackers etc), I always ask them if they want anything when I make my lunch and if they aren't hungry then and say no, then they make their own when they are hungry.

DP and I always cook tea and we sit down as a family and eat

Original poster
DinosaursOnASpaceship · 28/10/2012 11:08

Thanks everyone.

He's currently in the kitchen calling out to me about sell by dates (maybe he thinks I'm trying to poison him) and wanting to know where the jam is. And the microwave is on so I am hopeful that he will have made himself sonething before he wastes entirely away.

Family breakfast sounds lovely, but we all get up at different times (ds2 at stupid o'clock, then ds3 and I about 8am and ds1 about an hour later) so ds2 would've been hungry for ages by the time breakfast is done. I'd love to get a table so we could have nice meal times around it, but we don't have one so are a bit disorganised when it comes to eating together at times.

I have talked to the boys loads of times about responsibility, ds1 is just lazy and ds2 is dopey so it's a work in progress!

Oh, here he comes with porridge and jam. Declares it to be lovely and worth the wait!

OP posts:
FairhairedandFrustrated · 28/10/2012 11:18

My 10yr old dd can do toast, cereal, hot choc, tea, coffee etc

However, my almost 8yr old is bone idle. My fault as I've him ruined, and the 10 yr old does so much for him too.

Need to change my ways I reckon. Am glad to hear if do many self sufficient children, I couldn't peel a potato when I got married (youngest of a large family & married at 20)

Fluffy1234 · 28/10/2012 11:23

I think it's fine as long as you have taught your children how to actually make breakfast and done it a few times together. If you haven't then I think you are being unreasonable.

thewhistler · 28/10/2012 11:28

Well done.

Congratulate and flatter him.

And at some point ask him if he wouldn't like to do some of the tea time cooking.

Ds's idleness has continued but he enjoys cooking and will do so though we have a tradition that the person who cooks doesn't wash up. When I was bedbound last year he did most of the cooking.

expatinscotland · 28/10/2012 11:29

YANBU!

And I go one step further, there are no crisps or junk in this house.

They don't ask for 'snacks' that are junk because there aren't any!

'Also, I think boys especially are more difficult to handle if hungry. Make him a nice breakfast and speak to him about how he helps out afterwards.'

FFS! He's 10. If he's able to walk to the shops himself, he's able to make his own breakfast and clean up after himself!

And it is not and never is 'helping out', it's learning to do one's share in life.

OP, YOU are the boss, not him. He's lazy. So don't enable that. Just think of all the threads on here involving mugs/doormats and their lazy arse partners. Someone has to enable lazy arses.

Don't be that one.

SquishyCinnamonSwirls · 28/10/2012 11:34

Stick to your guns, he's being lazy.

DD (nearly 10) knocked up a big batch of chocolate orange cupcakes yesterday with a chocolate glaze. She did it pretty much on her own - I showed her how to use the mixer once and put things in/out of the oven for her. That was it, and they're yummy.

She's now making apple pie for our pudding today. I'm loving the baking theme she has going! But she's also pretty good at making herself something if she's hungry or just making a cup of tea for anyone or herself.

KatieScarlett2833 · 28/10/2012 11:36

YANBU and are being a good mother.

I've done this since DC were about 9. They are very self-sufficient now (15 and 17)

BrianCoxIsEatingBrains · 28/10/2012 11:37

Hello OP! Hope you are doing ok generally speaking?

I am currently going through the same with DD - I only have her though, but due to DC2's arrival next April I have been encouraging her to take some more responsibility.

She is 8 yo (9 in Dec) and breakfast is a bit hit and miss, but she will do it - exactly like your son though, she will try her luck and I get the 'starving' comments when she expects me to wait hand and foot on her Angry

Just keep going with him. I am thinking that 'snacks' are going to be out of bounds until the afternoon/after school - she isnt allowed them in the morning anyway but they are there at easy reach (due to cupboard space) so I need to move them out of eyeline I think. Half the battle won.....? Wink or she will just make more fuss

elah11 · 28/10/2012 11:40

YANBU, he is being lazy and trying to manipulate you, my lot have been able to get their own breakfast since they were 5 or 6. My friend was giving out the other day that she was having a lie on while her dh got the kids out to school (13 and 9) when the 9 yr old came up to her at half 8 crying saying he was hungry and dad hadnt made his breakfast yet! And she was annoyed with her dh!! I just said ffs at 9 your ds is perfectly capable of pouring himself a bowl of cereal.