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AIBU?

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Original poster

I don't understand all the anxiety about SWs

184 replies

Loveweekends10 · 28/10/2012 03:28

I see so many threads on here where people are anxious about social workers. I really don't get it. I can honestly say that before I came on mumsnet I never gave them a second thought.
Is this anxiety whipped up by the media? Is it low confidence in some parents that they don't think they are dong a good enough job with their kids?
I'm also shocked about the amount of people that say they fell out with someone and that person then rang social services to get at them.

OP posts:
DontLikeChocolate · 28/10/2012 07:31

exoticfruits, you are applying a kind of logic that - sadly - is not always evident in child protection cases.

altinkum · 28/10/2012 07:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mosman · 28/10/2012 07:38

I think it's because once you are on their radar you can't do right for doing wrong. They take your children and you cry and tell the children you wish they hadn't and you're in the wrong and it's used against you. If that happened to me I would be in bits and the children would know I was heartbroken and so I'd probably never see then again but they'd know I loved them. It's fucked up if you ask me.

seeker · 28/10/2012 07:38

"seeker, you always come on these threads denying that these kinds of things happen. People have shared their stories and you are basically calling them liars."

I have never seen a story where social workers have taken a child for no good reason where it has not turned out that there actually were excellent reasons. I not calling anyone a liar. I am saying that some people are in denial. And others have only heard half -or less- of the story.

exoticfruits · 28/10/2012 07:40

The logic is that the ideal is to leave DCs with their family.
I know that you can get unfortunate cases (e.g a medical condition that looks like abuse) but it is utterly ridiculous to say that if you leave an 8 year old alone at home for 10 mins, when you are just down the road with a mobile and you neighbour is in and your DC is watching TV, that SS will get involved! Someone generally says this on here, along with the fact that they might be in a car accident and the DC must be in it with them! I believe it to be good for them to be left and SS are not going to tell me differently- or they can- but I shall take no notice.

DontLikeChocolate · 28/10/2012 07:40

altinkum, if they want to remove children from a home they can use coercive methods like tell the parents that if they refuse to allow the children to be voluntarily accommodated, then things will be worse for them. Most parents would oblige, meaning that a Court Order is not needed.

Again, I have seen this happen.

Mosman · 28/10/2012 07:41

You wouldn't be allowed to raise hell in the press though and if you're anything other than completely composed its used against you. But don't be cold and unemotional either because that would be held against you.
As educated women we might have a chance, somebody who hasn't finished high school wouldn't stand a chance

exoticfruits · 28/10/2012 07:42

I would use the press and I would be composed while I did it.

Original poster
Loveweekends10 · 28/10/2012 07:44

Mosman I can see how it would hurt a mother but kids welfare comes first. The courts must have evidence of abuse of one sort. Anyone abusing children does not deserve to have children.
It's not something I fret or worry about because my kids always come first above my feelings every time.

OP posts:
Mosman · 28/10/2012 07:45

You would be in contempt of court if you discussed the matter with your husband never mind the press

LonelyCloud · 28/10/2012 07:45

I'm anxious about social workers because they have the power to take DS away from us. We do our best to be good parents and to protect DS from harm, but I still get anxious, especially when he has a tumble and gets a bruise (DS is learning to walk at the minute, so this happens more than I would like).

I'm sure most SW's are sensible and don't remove children without good cause, but it's still a worry. Yes, they're human. And some people are reluctant to change their views on someone once they've made their mind up, some people are reluctant to admit when they've made a mistake, some people let their personal dislike of others influence their decisions.

Which makes me worry that if SW's did come into our lives for whatever reason, that a SW could get a pre-conceived idea that we're bad parents, and be igoring any evidence that contradicts her pre-conceptions. The whole secret court thing doesn't help with my worries. Aside from anything else, they make it illegal for you to raise hell in the press, and illegal for the press to report on a lot of cases.

I get especially anxious when I read stories about families who claim they've had children removed on flimsy grounds. I agree some of these stories turn out to be about children who've been removed for a solid reason, but it still worries me.

Original poster
Loveweekends10 · 28/10/2012 07:48

Lonely cloud my dd (7) legs are covered in bruises cos she likes to play rough and tumble with her friend. I never for one minute think social services are going to take her away. That's madness!
It must be the media fuelling these kinds of feelings in under confident parents.

OP posts:
Mosman · 28/10/2012 07:48

Love, I have a friend who's parents called the police whilst she was on holiday to say she had kidnapped her own son. The SW was waiting for her at the airport and took her son to FC at 11pm on a saturday night. Within 24 hours he was back with her. 6 years later the child still has nightmares and she won't go on holiday.

Mosman · 28/10/2012 07:49

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Original poster
Loveweekends10 · 28/10/2012 07:53

You are telling me that a social worker just takes a child from the parent at an airport without any court order on the basis of one phone call.!
Please!

OP posts:
seeker · 28/10/2012 07:53

"See there you go, it's the parents fault they are under confident, over confident and you'll be an emotional abuser so watch out."

That is such a cruel and irresponsible thing to say. I have reported it as likely to cause needless anxiety and distress.

exoticfruits · 28/10/2012 07:56

I would raise it all long before it got to court!
I'm not going to get into long discussions of what might have been. They are all too old now for it to be an issue. It wasn't a worry at the time- it never crossed my mind. MN has been an eye opener to me that you can do a simple thing like leave a perfectly happy 8 yr old watching TV while you go to the post office, or leave your 14yr old with his 4yr old brother while you do the same and someone will mention SS. If I think it OK, which I did, I will do it- in the unlikely event that SS were called I would explain and also make the very valid point that it was a shame that busybodies wasted their time when there were plenty of genuine cases.

DontLikeChocolate · 28/10/2012 07:56

I have reported it as likely to cause needless anxiety and distress.

But these things happen, seeker. Why do you constantly deny it? It is important that people are aware of these things so that - hopefully - things will change.

Mosman · 28/10/2012 07:58

They reported the child had been kidnapped, she was told he was being taken to the grandparents house, it didn't happen and she was also told that she'd be arrested and kept in custody over the weekend if she didn't co operate.

Until you've known somebody who's been through it if not yourself I don't think you can believe what goes on, understandably. It's horrendous.

ImagineJL · 28/10/2012 08:00

There is some crazy paranoia on here! Social Services are stretched to the limit. They have no money, are understaffed, and there are very few available foster carers. (there are plenty of private ones but SS can't generally afford them). What makes some of you think they have nothing better to do than turn up on your doorstep and cost the state thousands by taking your kids away? Unless of course you're mistreating them.

exoticfruits · 28/10/2012 08:01

I am not estranged from my parents. If you have such a poor relationship with your own parents that they are on a personal vendetta then you probably do have to fear. It wouldn't happen in my case.

TheBigJessie · 28/10/2012 08:02

Some people I know are terrified of social services because a mutual friend had her little boy taken into care, and they're only listening to her side of the story. I on the other hand think it all demonstrates how long SS take over it. Mutual friend should have been taken into care herself as a child! Meanwhile, in this generation, friend has had three years "to fight". She has refused to cooperate, or ever admit that maybe she shouldn't have allowed the initial thing to happen.

So, no, I'm not scared of social services. I'm actually capable of comprehending that being a parent is about responsibilities, not rights.

Original poster
Loveweekends10 · 28/10/2012 08:02

Maybe I just live in a bubble. I just think there is always more to these situations. No social worker surely wants to have to remove a child without good reason.

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 28/10/2012 08:02

Sorry- it wouldn't happen in the majority of cases.

DontLikeChocolate · 28/10/2012 08:02

Until you've known somebody who's been through it if not yourself I don't think you can believe what goes on, understandably. It's horrendous.

I totally agree. You always think that there are enough 'bad' parents out there, they would never take away the children of a 'good' parent. And then you see it happen. And yes, it's horrendous.