To refuse to help SIL

[balotelli]

Dw's sister is having affair with a married man 20 yrs her senior.

He has decided to leave his wife of 21 yrs next week and move into rented house with SIL and her 9 yr old DD.

SIL lives with MIL in MIL's house and wants help to move her furniture into the rented house.

I do not agree with what they have done and have refused to help hem move on moral grounds.

My EXDW had affair with a friend of mine and destroyed our relationship with devastated me so I have some idea how his DW must be feeling and so cant do anything that could be seen as condoning the situation.

DW is torn as she feels horrified at her sisters actions but its her sister.

I think her DSis is heading for some sort of breakdown as she is failing at her work training, completely ignored DW's birthday this week and totally forgot she had agreed to babysit for us this weekend.

Maybe his wife organised the babysitting?

Not really the same though, is it?

Sitting in someone´s house for a couple of hours/helping someone move.

Can´t help thinking that this is being picked apart because OP is male.

Why shouldn´t the sister´s look after each other´s children if they want to?

Doesn´t mean that the husband has to help his wife´s sister move in with her lover, does it?

I think what I have difficulty understanding is the idea of leaving your kids with someone who you find so abhorrent.
If I felt that way about someone, I wouldn't leave my kids with them.
And he goes on to say what a shocking parent she is and that they've had SS involvement and offered to adopt her child themselves. So why on earth would they let her then babysit their own?

Why is the OP being picked apart?
He morally disagrees with the reason behind why his SIL is moving therefore doesn't want to help out.

Previously asking for a spot of babysitting has nothing to do with it (which was let down on anyway). Families help each other out but that doesn't mean you have to every single time.

How many times are people told on here that "no is a complete sentence" and don't be a martyr?

OP didn't ask the man who is leaving his wife of 20 years to babysit, it was OP's sister who was asked. And babysitting is not on a par with moving, moving is way harder physically.

Marriages break down all the time. People fall I love with other people all the time. People feeling morally superior about it feels a bit squicky, to me.

I don´t think it comes across as morally superior.

He has been cheated on himself & doesn´t want to help their situation.

Doesn´t mean he feels superior or that he thinks his SIL should be cat out!!

I think asking someone else to help you move because you are too mean to pay for removal men is quite horrible. If you don't have a manual job all that heavy lifting won't be good for you. If any of my relatives that I like asked me to help move I'd direct them to a removal agency. Helping people move is a job, it's not my job.
Different if it's just a few things, but in that case the SIL and her new bloke should be able to do it themselves.