Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

... to fancy DW after a 2xMX bc

53 replies

thingydoodad · 26/10/2012 22:01

sorry. I know all the terminology about bc . DW has had a bc 2xMC at the age of 32. She had beautiful thrupennies before hand now she had big fuck off scars running slightly diagonally up either side where her boobies were.

She's, to me is gorgeous. She's changed, her bodies changed but I lover her physically, emotionally and well badly described bloke stuff to say she everything I fancied before and after.

I'm pissing her off deeply by not being worked up by the lack of boobies... they were big 34EE now they gone she weren't defined by tits. she's the person i married.

I've seen the scars I know she so headfucked by it... c'mon birds tell me how to make her feel beautiful loved wanted needed and we;ll everything I still want and btw im trying very hard to be PC and MN here but we have a very active lovelife but AIBU to ask her to take her top off when she gets on top every now and again... not evry time just one in a while, she's got curves and shoulders and hips and hair back and I fancy her like rotten. AIBU to want to see her nekkid?

OP posts:
crackcrackcrak · 26/10/2012 22:03

After a what?

crackcrackcrak · 26/10/2012 22:06

But anyway what she's been through sounds bloody traumatic - though you sound quite nice if she doesn't want to take her top off then so what? You didnt have to choose between a body part integral to being a woman and possible death.
Yabu

ChaoticismyLife · 26/10/2012 22:06
CouthyMowEatingBraiiiiinz · 26/10/2012 22:07

Double mastectomy, I am assuming.

CouthyMowEatingBraiiiiinz · 26/10/2012 22:09

But the point is, he still fancies her and doesn't care. He wants his DW to understand that, and is asking for help on how to help HER cone to terms with the changes to her body.

I am not an expert on post mastectomy issues, but to me, this bloke just fancies all of his wife, and wants her to feel as uninhibited as before, but doesn't know how to help her to feel that way.

EmbroideredCloths · 26/10/2012 22:13

I think you mean well and it's great that you feel the way you do about her.

But for goodness' sake, give her space. Let her deal with it in her way and just keep supporting her and letting her know that you still love her.

She's had a life threatening illness at a terribly young age and she had to undergo painful mutilating surgery to save her life. Of course that's going to leave her with psychological consequences which, without sounding horrible, may have to do with more than how desirable she is to you.

Please be patient.

crackcrackcrak · 26/10/2012 22:14

Yeh but she cares - and if he fancies her so much why is he fixating on top removal?
Impatience is bad for self esteem too

Original poster
thingydoodad · 26/10/2012 22:16

CouthyMowEatingBraiiiiinz you got it totally right in a way I couldn't work out what I'm trin to say Ta!

btw what tf does sits on hands mean????

OP posts:
Original poster
thingydoodad · 26/10/2012 22:18

i am not fucking fixating on TOP REMOVAL just onece now and then now, once in a while occasionally y'kna to work her up just she's her ffs

OP posts:
Original poster
thingydoodad · 26/10/2012 22:20

sorry I when a little into pissed up lala land, there I do apologise. I just want her to feel like shes still who she is and why I love her.

OP posts:
whensteaready · 26/10/2012 22:23

This is a wind up yes?

Original poster
thingydoodad · 26/10/2012 22:39

nah!!! its firday I've ad a few tumbles and this is a serious question my wife has had a double mastectomy chemo and radiation therapy she does not understand why I still now find her sexy. She won't let me tell her she's sexy beautiful lovelly gorgeous. I text her on a daily basis saying this kind of stuff... she tells me to "politely" to piss off..." how can I say these things!!!!" cos she says "I'm not me" she is!?!?!! its not a wind up I'm a fucked up bloke trying to understand wtf I can do...

OP posts:
borisjohnsonshair · 26/10/2012 22:44

She needs time to come to terms with her body; it's a huge change and understandable that she's probably upset by the way she looks, even if you're not. Her body isn't yours, it's hers and she needs to be able to get used to looking different.

I really admire you for your enthusiasm and the fact that you're not at all bothered, but if she is bothered then the best thing you can do is to back off and let her do things in her own time.

Great news that she has recovered fully, and I hope that the two of you have many more happy years together. Cancer's a bastard.

WorraLiberty · 26/10/2012 22:47

Are you a regular poster OP?

iliketea · 26/10/2012 22:54

It's great that you are supportive and want her to know that your feelings towards her haven't changed. But she needs time to come to terms with the physical changes that she has experienced. Is she getting / can she access any sort of counsellig etc via the oncology clinic she was treated in? I think if you look into it, many women who have a mastectomy have similar issues.

The main thing you can do is make sure she feela loved and supported and is allowed to work through her feelings at her own pace.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 26/10/2012 22:55

I think that you have to just be there for her, and support her in coming to terms with this. Its going to be frustrating for you, but you just need to be patient.

Original poster
thingydoodad · 26/10/2012 22:57

have done from time to time dont want to out in rl have spoken todw about this shes is also worried that this is a problem after mx dw is fully aware of this post but doesn know how to "to take her top off" she a regular lurker and occasional poster her here on mn

OP posts:
Original poster
thingydoodad · 26/10/2012 22:59

borisjohnsonshair you are an utter star tnks for that I love you

OP posts:
OnlyWantsOne · 26/10/2012 23:02

I think the idea that you can only be loved by others when YOU love yourself, has some relevance here.

Perhaps you could continue to support and love your wife , and support her to get some counselling to aid her mental recovery after such an horrifically hard journey of cancer.

How would she react if you treated her to a new hair cut / manicure? Spa pamper? Nice perfume? Nice things she likes? In general try to make her feel warm and loved a bit. Take the pressure off sex?

Original poster
thingydoodad · 26/10/2012 23:03

liketea you are brilliant too... I don't mrs thingydoodad about her oncologist from barts or councelling cos I thing I may be pushing it to far iykwim

and soggy y'rite patience is what it takes

OP posts:
Original poster
thingydoodad · 26/10/2012 23:05

onlyW I try hard to do that... i do get a knocj back form time to time

OP posts:
Original poster
thingydoodad · 26/10/2012 23:07

sidebar... we have a 3yo and a 6yo who dance arounf with her prothiseies on there heads going "i got mummys boobie" on my head they don't notice the change at all

OP posts:
LilQueenie · 26/10/2012 23:20

c'mon birds tell me how to make her feel beautiful loved wanted needed and we;ll everything I still want

this may well be a problem. Women like to be made to feel beautiful, wanted and needed but probably not likely if you call them all 'birds'.

Original poster
thingydoodad · 26/10/2012 23:23

ok so not birds!

But i love my DW and want to help her feel sexy. what do I do?

OP posts:
pollyblue · 26/10/2012 23:25

OP, would it be possible for your wife to have reconstructive surgery?

Swipe left for the next trending thread