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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to tell nursery, NO nail varnish?

100 replies

Flojo1979 · 26/10/2012 21:02

Nursery asked if I was happy to let them paint my DDs nails as one of the other girls had hers done and keeps bringing in bottles and DD had pestered them to have hers done.
I thanked them for checking with me first and told them no, I didn't want my 3 yr old to have her nails painted.
AIBU or a spoil sport? Or do u agree that its ridiculous for 3 year olds to do this?
I don't wear nail varnish myself, and the only makeup I wear is tinted moisuriser. So bright pink nails on a baby girl seems madness.

OP posts:

legoballoon · 27/10/2012 12:41

diddlediddledumping Of course girls are 'learning to be women' all the time, but it's a sad fact that there is a huge amount of pressure on women and girls to look a 'certain' way and behave a 'certain' way.

IMHO encouraging an early interest in culturally imposed 'norms' of 'looking attractively' is just silly and will lead girls to aspire to patriarchal norms of 'beauty' (i.e. wearing cosmetics, removing all body hair, having big boobs and skinny limbs) and literally buy into the huge 'beauty' industry that drains women's time and resources. I'd rather any DD of mine be allowed a little more time to work out for herself how she wants to look and behave.

That's just my personal thoughts on the matter. I expect a nursery to encourage young children to think a bit more outside the box, be creative, and have aspirations beyond superficial appearances. If the boys were allowed to join in with 'playing' with body paint, multi-coloured nail-varnishing and cosmetics, then perhaps it would bother me less. But all I see here is little girls being 'prettified' in a very gender stereotypical way.

SirBoobAlot · 27/10/2012 12:43

YANBU.

DS keeps asking me to paint his nails. You can get child-friendly nail varnishes (no chemicals in), a friend told me, but still think three is to young.

What's wrong with finger painting?!

brdgrl · 27/10/2012 12:50

YADDDDDDDDNBU. I am aghast, really.
Even if what they are using are the 'chemical free' variants, it is wrong. (And I wouldn't feel confident that a nursery worker who thinks it is ok in the first place, is choosing the chem free sort, and certainly not if other kids are bringing it in

if it was so very dangerous you wouldn't be able to buy it in Superdrug
laughed aloud at this. Really? This is the threshold? Just because they sell something in Superdrug doesn't mean I'm putting it in or on my daughter's body.

Alisvolatpropiis · 27/10/2012 12:55

YANBU I hate seeing little girls with nail varnish/make up on. 3 is too young!

diddlediddledumpling · 27/10/2012 13:05

legoballoon I completely agree that young girls should not be encouraged to conform to adult ideas of prettifying and making themselves attractive. But I didn't read anywhere that the op's daughter had been told the nail polish would make her more attractive. It seemed like just a bit of fun with colouring in a part of your body.

brdgrl there are very alarmist comments upthread listing the potential ingredients of some nail polishes, like any contact with them is to be avoided at all costs, unless you have a death wish. I simply meant if nail polish was as dangerous as some posters were suggesting, they wouldn't be licensed for sale.

lottiegarbanzo · 27/10/2012 14:19

Interesting. I would say no straight away, simple, done. That's not being overly stressed and worried, or getting worked up, it's a simple one word answer. On to the next thing.

Fluffanstuff · 27/10/2012 14:21

In principle I wouldnt want it used . I dont think its appropraite to dress up young girls. Not that young anyway.

There is absoloutly no reason nursery should be doing it , I'd say no , your well within your right .

brdgrl · 27/10/2012 19:53

there are very alarmist comments upthread listing the potential ingredients of some nail polishes, like any contact with them is to be avoided at all costs, unless you have a death wish. I simply meant if nail polish was as dangerous as some posters were suggesting, they wouldn't be licensed for sale.

Cigarettes are also available 'over the counter', as it were. (And in my lifetime, could be easily and legally purchased by minors.) Pesticides for your lawn are available at Superdrug. Drinks with artificial sweeteners that have been proven carcinogens are not only sold in Superdrug, but marketed to children. Don't kid yourself. Many dangerous products are licensed for sale and readily available in your local drug store. Some of these are dangerous in and of themselves, and some are dangerous when misused or used in a way that is not intended...And some products which are intended for adults can be extremely dangerous when used by or on children. This is a no-brainer.

It isn't alarmist to say that the ingredients in regular nail varnish should be avoided for children at all costs, just sensible. The idea that a product must be safe for your child, because it hasn't been banned...please.

3LittleHens · 27/10/2012 22:05

It really is ONLY 'nail vanish' you're talking about here!!
If you have such grave concerns about it, then I really do wish you lots and lots of luck for the next 15 years of bringing up your daughter.

SuiGeneris · 27/10/2012 22:08

I am with you: it looks horrible and girls are way too young.

MidniteScribbler · 27/10/2012 22:13

I would put this firmly in the "things not worth getting my knickers in a twist over" category.

Original poster

Flojo1979 · 27/10/2012 23:05

I didn't get my knicker in a knot, I did just say no, I said something along the lines of your joking aren't u? That's ridiculous, definitely not, I really appreciate u checking first because its something I def don't want my daughter to do.
Then wondered how other parents felt so asked u nice people!

OP posts:

WilsonFrickett · 27/10/2012 23:15

YANBU. at all. Aghast that this would be considered a suitable pastime for a nursery setting.

Parietal · 27/10/2012 23:30

Yanbu. I've told my DD im allergic to nail polish (lie) so she stops asking me to buy it (she is 4)

diddlediddledumpling · 27/10/2012 23:49

brdgrl I'm not sure if you meant to be so patronising, but most adults, including myself, are aware of the dangers of cigarettes, pesticides and artificial sweeteners. Nail varnish is not in the same league. We'll have to agree to disagree, because in my (scientifically trained) opinion, you are indeed being alarmist and over the top, rather than sensible.
Of course, what any parent chooses to allow their child to come into contact with is a matter for them to decide.

brdgrl · 28/10/2012 00:48

You may be "scientifically trained", diddle, but to say that they would not sell it in Superdrug if it were not safe is, I'm afraid, a very stupid comment. I'm sorry if you felt patronised by having that pointed out, but it really wasn;t a clever or reasonable thing to say.

And I stand by the analogy.

bragmatic · 28/10/2012 03:16

It's one of those things where it's perfectly reasonable to let them, or perfectly reasonable not to.

Loveweekends10 · 28/10/2012 03:37

They don't turn into little hussies by having a little bit of nail varnish on every now and again. Chillax!

diddlediddledumpling · 28/10/2012 07:31

brdgrl check back, I didn't quite say "they would not sell it on Superdrug if it were not safe". I'm done now.

brdgrl · 28/10/2012 12:29

your exact words, then, were, if it was so very dangerous you wouldn't be able to buy it in Superdrug

yep - what I said? Still applies.

brdgrl · 28/10/2012 12:33

It's one of those things where it's perfectly reasonable to let them, or perfectly reasonable not to.
If the OP were about "should I let my child wear nail polish", fair enough. But the OP already has an opinion on that - her dilemma is that her nursery is allowing other children to bring it in to the nursery and apply it to other children. OP, don't feel pressured to 'chillax' - your attitude is perfectly fine as it is. Good sign that the nursery checked with you, I think, given that there are obviously people who wouldn't bother.

insancerre · 28/10/2012 12:39

YANBU
I work in a nursery and would never put nail varnish on the children.
If their parents want to put it on them, that's down to them, but in a nursery setting? No.
I am surprised that the nursery haven't asked you to fill in a form giving permission. It is a legal requiremnet to have permission for suncream/ medication/ nappy cream/ facepaint etc.
How does it fit into the EYFS?

StrawberryTot · 28/10/2012 12:51

YANBU to inform the nursery of your wishes, it's all down to personal preferences/ taste.
personally i have no problem with it both my dd and ds have worn nail varnish, bits of make up (I often let them give me makeovers ) and they are constantly covered in sharpie tattoos, my dd(6) currently has a huge candy skull with wings and scroll chest piece and my ds(3) has Star Wars designs all over both arms and an old school rose on his neck.

Fluffanstuff · 28/10/2012 13:30

Like insancerre says , I work within EYFS and the only thing that I can think is that they have misconstrued the whole following childrens interests aspect , but I too wouldnt put nail varnish on the children , we arn't school but you wouldn't expect a child to do a 'make up' class at school ...would you ? :/
I know many of my renties would kick up a huge stink if I sent them all home with nail varnish on , however its different if a child comes in with nail polish already applied.
I think its a bit less about the ethics of applying nail varnish to a 3 yr old and more about the ethics of applying nail varnish to a 3 yr old at nursery.

Eastpoint · 28/10/2012 14:57

I was told by someone a long time ago that varnish on toes for little children was OK, but not hands as they are not always very good at washing their hands after going to the loo and when nail varnish is chipped it is somewhere bacteria can flourish. This can lead to D&V viruses.

You aren't allowed to wear nail varnish when working in kitchens for that reason.

YANBU.

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