to think that we should all parent a bit more like...

[GoldenAutumn]

this?

Well I'm not saying that 'we' all 'should', but I know I'd like to parent a bit more like that - more free and free-range, more accepting that sometimes experimenting results in survivable pain and injury, less fearful.

I know that's not as easily achievable in deepest darkest Surrey, as opposed to the wilds of South Africa, where this guy is. Still, there are aspects I'd like to extrapolate.

When DD last stayed with my Dparents, she told me she'd been racing around the fields on the farmer's quad bike, rounding up the sheep. On closer questioning, it transpired that she hadn't been wearing a helmet or any kind of safety belt. When I pointed out that this didn't sound very safe, she said 'it was fine mum - I was holding on to the dog.'

I bit my tongue because what a great experience that must have been... despite the obvious safety issues (I did have a word with my DM though...).
Danger vs fun and exploration... it's a tricky one.

MrsW I don't get where he says he's a great parent... that isn't what I got from it at all.

Booyhoo different strokes for different folks - I love his writing style and find him really funny.

YY to Saggy - that's exactly how I interpreted it too. Not bragging or saying he's a great parent, just laughing at himself and his propensity for getting into scrapes and how he sees his son doing the same. Also writing very affectionately about his parents' parenting style.

Whether do you wish your DF had been firmer with you, or are you glad he was so accepting of your mistakes?

Lueji hearing about the quad bike incident made my blood run cold, but I doubt it was being driven that fast by a farmer with someone else's child on board (hopefully!) and I didn't want to ruin it for her by being aghast. As I said, I did have a word with my DM. Even with a helmet and seatbelts you're not too safe on a quad bike, frankly.

Yes I guess we don't hear from the ones whose kids get killed. We only get to hear from the "My kids survived their lovely free childhood." ones.

Sounds like my DM. Her four DC's survived but more by luck than judgement. I suffer from anxiety as an adult due to never feeling safe as a child.

I also have scars from the boiling kettle she put on the window ledge.

She had a very low IQ and lack of imagination, just didn't see the danger anywhere.

It all sounds brilliant and liberating doesn't it. Until someone gets seriously hurt or worse. I'm all for giving children space to develop, but deliberately putting them in dangerous situations for the hell of it is irresponsible imo. However, they can do what they like with their own children. I prefer to take a more measured approach personally.

I have always liked to let DD take some risks, I let her ride my 14.2 horse and shes only 6 (though the mare is 25 [hgrin] so just plods along) I think it's important that we are in a little bit of danger so that we can learn to deal wwith risk. DD has a good idea when to back off from the horses when they are not in the mood.

OPen a door just to see what will happen? It's hardly the sign of an enguiring mind now is it?

Hi all. It's me- the writer of the offending article. I just wanted to clear something up. I did not willfully or recklessly put my son in danger. This was not a car that my son was not strapped into. It was a game viewing vehicle with a top speed of 15km/h. As a result of my son's curiosity, something bad happened. During the incident, I was not beating my chest with manly vigor, or laughing like a banshee. I was horrified. But yes, afterward, when I knew that everything was fine, I had a laugh. Precisely because what could have been the worst thing ever had turned out OK.
What it boils down to is the decision each of us makes when we stand at the bottom of a tree with our children. We can let them climb it, and risk their falling and hurting themselves, or we can say no, and risk them losing out on a freedom we should all know.
I agree, it is a fine line to walk, but I will choose the former, and always make sure I have enough plasters.

Thanks for posting 23thorns.

I believe very strongly in Free Range Parenting.

But I don't own a car of any sort.

[hgrin]

Seriously, though. You look at something. To assess the risk. And you let them do it anyway. That's how you created strong, confident, perhaps slightly bruised or broken, children and adults.

Not by refusing to let them even try.

Too many don't let them even try.

And then wonder why they are still living at home at 25.

Yep, risk averse parenting; good ways of not letting your kids learn to assess risks.

My kids fell off walls and out of trees. Couple of grazes and sprains.
Swam in tidal waters with no PPE (OK, moderately capable father close by)

Message: Falling hurts, be careful.

Both now confident climbers, open water swimmers, and know their limitations.
Sort of "Hmm, not doing that free. That needs a &*^% top rope!"

Not much point in assessing the risk if you are going to let them do it anyway is there ? Surely you Look at the risk and offer appropriate support?

Not that I'm particularly srongly minded either way, but it will be hard to let my children be unaffected by my massive physical cowardice (and I had freedom to do what I wanted re: tree climbing etc).

I wonder how Baumgartner's parents brought him up

The best sorts of discoveries are the ones you bleed for, or bruise for, or burn for.

non, dont agree!!!! alotugh we are tad overprotective these days

I also agree with aiming for the grey area.

I'm naturally quite cautious, DH can be quite reckless so we meet in the middle quite nicely I think. He loosens up my reticence, I put the dampners on the worst of his recklessness.

I do spend quite a lot of my time with my hands over my eyes and my heart in my throat, but my anxiousness is my problem. I provide them with the tools to do something without risk of serious injury (helmets/pads/etc) but I don't stop them climbing trees or riding down hills on skateboards

Both DDs have inherited their father's outlook - a leap first, look later, but have to learn through making their own mistakes

Thank you so much for this! Really made me laugh.

I have a very similar attitude to this guy i think, although i think i probably would have been slightly more traumatised if i had run over DS!
Children do stupid things, thats how they learn not to do more stupid and dangerous things as an adult, everyone needs to know their own limits.

I gave DS a knife to cut me some herbs in the garden not that long ago (he's 6) he's generally quite sensible, so i thought he could handle it. It wasn't madly sharp and i told him how to cut properly and how to hold the knife properly when he'd done, however, i failed to mention that he should NOT attempt to cut down the washing line on his way back inside... which is exactly what i found him doing when i went back out there to see how he was getting on. Que me trying desperately trying to stifle my laughs as i asked him what the heck he was doing. He wasn't trying to be disruptive or naughty (i realise that it probably doesn't sound that way, but he really wasn't) , just curious.

my children climb trees. i dont think i have ever told my children that they shouldn't try any particular tree they set their sights on, i know that they will either get so far and realise they dont want to/cant go any further or they'll go further and then get back down/get stuck. most kids know how high they are comfortable jumping from and wont attempt it if they think it's going to hurt when they do. they'd rather sit and call for help as mine have both done.

there is a big difference between letting your child climb a tree and relaying the story of that time your set your feet on fire as if it's a hilarious thing to do. i have an ex that does things like throwing bottles of lighter fluid onto BBQs, he probably thinks they're funny stories to tell his mates aswell. my 5 year old wasn't so impressed by the flames that surrounded his mummy.

Mmm. tend to agree with that BeingBooyhoo

I learned about pouring lighter fuel into my cupped hands and lighting it, to run down school corridors all by my very own. [It only burns on the surface, and the edge so if you tilt your hands quickly you won't get burned too badly...]

Same with exhaling lighter gas (Butane) over someone else's lit match when they are lighting a cigarette.

Never taught any of the kids that.

Teach them to use sharp knives and scary power tools though, properly and to show them respect for things that can cut fingers off.

yes i agree with them learning how to use tools/equipment safely. there is a point to that. opening the door handle of a moving vehicle just to see what happens isn't exactly a useful life skill and i dont think is anything like learning how to take risks. so it ended well at 15 miles per hour for that child on soft dry ground, does that mean it's ok for him to attempt it at 30MPH on tarmac? and really if my son (who is 7) did something like that 'just to see what happened' i'd worry. 7 year olds know what happens when you lift a car door handle.

I like how nice it sounds when it is in a blog. As experiment and 'parenting style' you know. Oh its soo liberating!

If you saw it outside ASDA you would called it neglect.

I don't know...i'm not so relaxed i'm afraid.

I am the DW and I would like to wade in with my opinion. I'm breaking a golden rule by doing so (a friend is a columnist for the most popular online news site in SA and she recommends never wading in!) but I find myself quite unable to resist. Firstly, the article is not written as a manual. It is a column. It is funny. It makes me laugh out loud. We all have childhood war stories, near-misses, loss, tears, grazes, broken bones and broken hearts. Accidents are just that. We are not careless people. Perhaps one of my favourite quotes from a book (the muppet and I are both booksellers not bar-brawlers) is, "it is hard work and great art to make life not so serious." I'd like to believe that an ability to laugh at oneself and through the hard times is something to strive for. And secondly, because I'm cross and find myself particularly snippy (again I'm breaking rules about writing anything on the Internet in anger!), neither of our children has ever needed to visit the emergency room for stitches or casts. Life can be hard. It can be dangerous. That's life. I hope my people, my pack, wherever they go and whatever they do (ill-advised or plain stupid as it may be) will know deep, deep mother bear love and long lives filled with wonderful memories. It's what we all want, I think.

We aim for the grey area but we are definitely the most relaxed parents of our group of friends. Dc's age 10 and 8 walk to a from school unsupervised. Ds even cycles to the barbers himself to get his hair cut.

Ds(10) is in charge of stacking and lighting the wood burner and chops the logs (with supervision). When we camp they both have Swiss army style knives for whittling and help build the campfire, knock the pegs in, climb trees etc

Both are able to make themselves simple meals including boiled eggs, toasted sandwiches and cakes (using the food processor). They use knives to cut and peel veg for dinner and ds started ironing hit cub uniform from September. I'm normally in the room mumsnetting but not hovering over them.

All of this horrifies my mother and quite a few friends.

I can relate to nutty proffessor, in that I had a completely "free range" childhood, including many near misses with dodge people, concussions, getting lost on the other side of town etc, so now I am much more careful and anxious than all my friends who had perfect, cared for, suburban childhoods.
My friend whose parents were even slacker than mine (think neglectful) is over protective too.
I think it's quite easy to be "go with the flow" if nothing bad has ever happened to you.
It makes me sad that I am like that though, although I am not like it about everything.
I am cool with climbing trees, and dirt, and getting wet etc.
Just feel freaked if I lose sight of ds, and hate taking him to big adventure playgrounds etc.
I just get the fear, and find it hard to let him run off.
I think when he starts walking to school on his own I will stalk him

I was 'free range' too. Ditto just about every child in Ireland in the 80s (I remember alot of cast signing at school ).

Phew. I'm finding this all rather difficult to deal with. My overwhelming urge to speak up for my family is so completely winning out over common sense! And while every part of me is screaming 'leave it be', I can't just yet :) My deep mother bear love WILL speak. For Beingbooyhoo, who is worried about my son. His name is Luke. His two middle names are family names. He's 8 now. He was born a little early and a little little on the night of the winter solstice. He was so tough, he never needed oxygen despite being small. He has blonde hair and beautiful blue eyes. They are my eyes. He looks like his dad but he got the Farrow eyes. He is so smart and funny and perceptive. He's in the gifted program at school. He's just lost his first top tooth. He'll tell anybody that will listen how he pulled it out himself. He is so proud of himself. He has a beautiful imagination. His grandad just passed away and he feels the loss from the tips of his fingers to the tips of his toes, but his greatest concern is for his granny and her sadness. He just 'gets' people. He is sensitive and popular. As a shy child myself, I am in awe of his ability to make friends with anybody in any restaurant or playground. He likes to wear grey clothes and he thinks he can dance like Michael Jackson. Beingbooyhoo, the kid's alright.

"His name is Luke. His two middle names are family names. He's 8 now. He was born a little early and a little little on the night of the winter solstice. He was so tough, he never needed oxygen despite being small. He has blonde hair and beautiful blue eyes. They are my eyes. He looks like his dad but he got the Farrow eyes. He is so smart and funny and perceptive. He's in the gifted program at school. He's just lost his first top tooth. He'll tell anybody that will listen how he pulled it out himself. He is so proud of himself. He has a beautiful imagination. His grandad just passed away and he feels the loss from the tips of his fingers to the tips of his toes, but his greatest concern is for his granny and her sadness. He just 'gets' people. He is sensitive and popular. As a shy child myself, I am in awe of his ability to make friends with anybody in any restaurant or playground. He likes to wear grey clothes and he thinks he can dance like Michael Jackson."

WTAF?

Really? He's a kid. Play the ball.

sorry, but what are you on about?