fuc*&ing social services??!!

[BloodRedAlienReflux]

Right,some of you may have read my thread about my neighbours abusive partner, and i was so worried about the kids,I got my Mum to ring SS.
So she did, and they came round today, and told her EVERYTHING about the phone call??!!
Stuff that only I and a very small handful of people know and a couple of things (black eye and a particular argument) that only I fucking know about???!! She was so pissed on Saturday, she thinks she may have told her Mum the same stuff, so only just doesn't know it's definitely me.
Can they do this??? I'm absolutely fuming.
They said they are going to send her a statement of the whole phone call, so she can l'look over it'
As for the punched through doors, she took them off before they came, and said 'they are in the shed if you want a look'!! the woman said ' no thanks it's raining!!!!'
Now I've just had to watch her little girl go home in tears cos she doesn't want to go.
What can i do now? fuck all.

I'm still giggling at 'It's OK, I'm being upgraded to a wooden one soon'

You are being a friend BloodRed.

it won't protect her daughter, it won't i know that now.
and i challenge her behaviour daily believe me, but not anymore, if i can't do anything, i can't watch that's for sure.

Fuck sake she is my friend i know she's not lying about it
Really? You considers person who is putting her childrens life in danger a friend?
Beside that, she is lying to as. She is lying and placing her child, yet again, in danger. If she is willing to lie like that she wil lie to you. You may think of her as a friend, but she doesn't give a shit about her own children, why would she have loyalty to you?
afaik sw don't usually make a decision on the spot about whether further involvment is needed.

BloodRed your friend is lying of this I am sure. You may not believe it possible but this is a woman who is happy to tell a lie that endangers her own daughter. Telling the truth to you probably isn't top of her agenda.

Why she is doing it I can't say she may just be bloody terrified at what is happening and not know how to break the silence and get the help, but by colluding with her in these lies you are not helping.

Of course she's lying.

She's lying to cover up the shit treatment her poor child is getting and she's lying to you about SS not investigating it any further.

Sorry but I refuse to believe the SW would even know what sort of accent your Mum had, let alone tell your neighbour.

Yanbu, as should have been more discreet.

By trying to safe guard her children, they have put yours at risk. It's disgusting and they wonder why people don't call them. All it would have taken was a bit of for thought from the sw.

Oh and the accent thing is a crock of shit.

That kind of information would never have been taken down on a initial contact form and it is very, very, very unlikely that the person taking the call would be the person who did the home visit.

yeah I could call the police - but only after being threatened attacked/intimidated - maybe in front of my 3 children - depends on how drunk he was, whether he came to my home or saw me in the street - the point is I shouldn't have to worry about the possibility should I? I should be able to call and report an abusive situation without fear of reprisals - we should be able to feel safe and protected when we are trying to do the right thing by someone else but if SS are going to "out" us then they're not doing everyting they can to protect us - of course there is always a chance that someone somewhere will think "hey let's waste SS's time and call them to get back at someone or be nasty and malicious" but I don't think that happens very often. I've had SS called on me twice - by the school! My experience of them was fine - she came round a few times and saw all was well - witnessed a tantrum from DD1 who was the child at risk apparently - snapped her file shut and said "I don't think there's anything we can do to help you really" and was gone in a puff of smoke! Second time just a chat and a report - didn't seem all that interested in talking to the kids so we dragged them in from playing outside and said we'd be happy to leave the room for her to talk to all 3 but she was happy to just leave, do her report and that was that. She could see that they were cared for, in a clean home, dad happily playing with them - no worries. If I saw a child I felt was in serious danger then yeah I'd probably make a call or write a letter but I would no longer be happy to allow them to know my name and that unfortunately may mean that some cases don't get investigated because they may not believe me. Certain information needs to be kept quiet if it will unmask the person making the allegations - there has to be ways of dealing with a complaint that means the child's circumstances are investigated and the people making allegations are protected. If someone deliberately makes a false allegation then that's wrong but every case should be investigated.

This is why i wouldnt phone SS.

It is absolutely ridiculous that you phone SS to protect someone who is in danger & in doing so you put yourself & your family at risk. It shouldnt be like that.

it's all so easy isn't it? what your friends with someone who endangers her children? this has developed over time, she is a vulnerable girl of 23 with a now obviously abusive twat of 31, she's 'in love' and utterly dependent, do you seriously think I haven't talked to her again, and again about this shit? I can't see how we are going to stay friends if she does nothing, then what? The little girl can't come for tea, come to play? get a few hours normality and fear free time? That's what to do its it? cos i am fucking clueless now. Except for ringing the police, which will definitely be me, as no one else can hear the horrendous noise their rows make.

It's sometimes difficult for sw to act as by the time they get there the reports are denied, parents claim malicious referral and there is no evidence to back up the report. If you call the police when there is something happening they will go out and will put in a report due to there being a child in the home. This is more likely to be thoroughly investigated, especially if there are regular reports to police. I understand you feel this will identify you, don't identify yourself as a neighbour to police, say you we're out walking you dog and overheard or something like that. Once the police go out and assess the focus will be on their info rather than the original report.

OP, you need to chill out. I get you are worried but having a go at people here isn't helping. Neither is burying you head in the sand when it comes to what she has told you.

Yes i am questioning if you are actually friends, because at the moment (in this situation) no one matters to her but him. As I said before, you may think you are friends but she doesn't care about anyone but him. Not even her own kids.

I never said it was easy, I questioned the friendship.

OP i totally get how you are feeling. I have a family member in a similar situation & nothing is being done about it. SS are involved but not really involved in helping the situation. Many people have tried to talk to my family member & get them to see what it is doing to their dc but all the family member does is agree, say they will leave their partner but actually do nothing.

All i want to do is take their dc home with me & give it a normal, peaceful life. Please keep phoning the police & hopefully something will click with the mother that its harming her child.

Op your neighbour has guessed it is you and has made a lot of stuff up as to what has taken place.

Some people pull the wool over social workers eyes and some fall for it.

Keep calling if you are worried.

*"Calm down OP. You only know what she's told you. I reckon most of what she says is bollocks. She's had a visit, she's scared and angry and she's trying to find out who said what. She reckons if she pushed you enough you'll confess. Then she can be all angry with you instead of confronting her own behaviour. Easier to rant about this than accept she's endangering her children isn't it?

Stay calm, admit nothing, discuss nothing and ring SS each and every time you are worried about the kids."*

Exactly this.....

Working for SS this tends to be the way most people react to a visit from SS... They LIE about it, and try to work out who reported them.

You did the right thing OP. Keep doing it. If she won't protect her child someone has to. I know you don't want to ring SS again, or call the Police - but could you live with yourself if you ignored the next incident, or the one after that and a child died? I know of cases where this happened. And afterwards all the neighbours started saying they knew something was going on, but none of them ever made a report.

For this reason I reported a family member - and she DEFINITELY knew it was me, and having just moved back to our home town I'm anticipating a rather ugly run in at some point, but I'd do it again, and again, and again to keep the kids safe. Because I'd rather take a bloody good beating than let a child take one.

FWIW - very little of what she has told you fits with the latest guidelines and protocols. Which is why it sounds like she's lying.

This must be so frustrating for you!! Good luck in helping them.

Coola talks a lot of sense.

Sorry but as a worker with SS of course I have to give people some details of what the concerns are......am I supposed to put in a court report there was a "report of some violence"...? that's not really going to cut the mustard yeah? its unfortunate but often people can at least guess who might have called on them....there were only so many people who saw you use crack that day etc...you get the idea. I always try my best to deflect, put them off the trail or whatever but its not always possible - not everyone is totally dense. I warn callers that slander so might guess and tell them to deny, deny, deny and call police if they are in any way threatened.

I'm just saying its not always so straightforward as those dumb-ass social workers.

Bloody auto-correct - that was to say "I tell callers someone might guess"

also exactly what Coola said with much more skill than myself

My Mum is fuming, and has rang the local authority, yes, they should be given some information about why the case is being investigated, but not so much detail, I see no reason for it, and don't understand how being so specific helps.
He threatened to leave again last night because the little girl was crying when she got home, and he 'can't handle the sulky whining' he didn't go though.
I will ring the police if it kicks off again, but I just can't believe I am in this situation, with absolutely no help.
People say 'just put the call in, you owe it to the kids' so you do, and for what? Apparently the ss worker is a student and has been studying for 8 years and still isn't qualified?!
No, I don't believe about the accent thing either thinking about it, they told her the call was put in Monday lunchtime, but as worra says it was Saturday, so she could be trying to suss me out, but when i looked her in the eye and said 'do you think it was me?' she said 'mate if i thought i was you i wouldn't be standing in your kitchen' I believed her, but that's beside the point now.
I couldn't care less anymore, if he comes round and says was it you? I'm going to say 'no but i wish it was, and if it kicks off at all I'm phoning the police'
Also thinking about the council, he's not supposed to be living there, she's on all the benefits for a single Mum and he's working full time, that would get him out.

My old man is well pissed off with all this though, and thinks I'm bringing all sorts of trouble to our door, he said 'people get petrol through their letter boxes for less' and I know he's right, but how can I just leave it?
Sorry if I was a bit crappy earlier, really should have calmed down before coming on MN. Thanks for your advice

That's a shame, surely there has to be a trust between the ss and the reporter. By all means hold them to account if it malicious. OP I don't blame you for feeling let down and I hope there are no repercussions. Have you thought about trying the local police DV officer? And what happened to the kitten?