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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be a bit sad about this and want to avoid this person, (long)

54 replies

Marzipanface · 24/10/2012 15:13

I probably am being unreasonable, plus I know this is very trivial etc...

I moved to a new town a year ago, my neighbour moved in not long after me. We introduced ourselves and discovered that we have quite a bit in common plus have young children. She didn't know anyone so I told her about the toddler groups and she came along with me. I introduced her to any other Mum's I had met. This went on for a while, coffee visits, toddler groups and trips out. I was quite pleased I had found a friend. I introduced her to another family on the street who are lovely and their children play with my child. Neighbour seemed quite uncomfortable with it all then admitted to me next time I saw her that she didn't want to socialise or be friendly with this family. The reason? They don't own their home, in fact it is a HA house. I was really shocked at the attitude but have gradually discovered it is quite prevalent around here.

Then I was ill for about two weeks and couldn't get out and about very well. On returning to toddler groups, neighbour's attitude seemed to change towards me. I was sort of left smiling and waving at her when she walked through the doors only for her to blank me and go over to another bunch of mums. When I went over to chat her at the groups, she would be polite but would often turn her back to talk to the other mums. As my garden backs onto hers, I couldn't fail to notice she began to invite the other mums back to her house after toddler groups and all the kids would play outside. I felt quite bad for my little one as she wanted to go and play as well. Clearly I wasn't invited.

Confused, I assumed I had done something to offend her so left it to just being polite when I saw her. It became summer holidays, groups stopped and clearly neighbour had nothing to do so suddenly very friendly with me again, inviting me round and telling me she had nothing to do so maybe we should hook up? Nevertheless I did go round for coffee and felt we got on quite well. Over the holidays she repeatedly said 'come round, we can catch up' so I would knock on her door and we would arrange a time. This was sort of never reciprocated. When I invited her round I didn't hear anything.

So, after the fourth time of me knocking on her door like a wally, I decided I would just leave it and see if she came knocking on mine.

Three months passed...

Nothing until today. She has knocked and informed she is bored and can she and her child come in and play.

I said no politely as we have plans later (lie, I am actually feeling quite run down)

This obviously annoyed her and she pressed for a time next week.

AIBU to bloody upset and feel a bit 'used'?

OP posts:
SoleSource · 24/10/2012 20:25

Crosses catgirl off Christmas card list lol

catgirl1976 · 24/10/2012 20:27
Grin

Sometimes, I eat Pot Noodles too. Watchhing Nascar. In my rented house.

imperialstateknickers · 24/10/2012 20:29

WhereYouLeftIt they've already fallen away haven't they, the moment it's half term they've dropped OP's witch neighbour like a stone!

Marzipanface wish I'd had a friend like you when ddtwins were really little.

SoleSource · 24/10/2012 20:30

Lmao cat. My HA house is better than yours, we have an inside toilet Grin

catgirl1976 · 24/10/2012 20:33

You posh caaaaahhhhhhhhhhh sole

You'll be telling me you've got a proper bath next instead of a tub by the fire Grin

SoleSource · 24/10/2012 20:35

Well I cannot go as far as that but the local lake at park is freeeezing this time of year :) :(

catgirl1976 · 24/10/2012 20:38
Grin
ClareMarriott · 24/10/2012 20:53

Everyone seems to be saying to keep your distance from her, but in reality she has only been your neighbour for about a year and neither of you will probably know everything about each other ( unless you do already ! ) As Christmas is coming, why not keep up the chats and other things, her current behaviour may be masking something ( you don't know ) and she may turn out to become your one of your best friends

Marzipanface · 24/10/2012 20:53

The family she has 'issues' with are actually very nice. They are a big caring family and the kids are always friendly, polite and lovely to my little girl. The mum always invites me for a cup of tea.

The neighbour's issues seem to be that they live in affordable housing, the mum doesn't work, and when we visited them at that point they had no carpets. They do now.

Yet in a strange double standard, neither the neighbour or her DH were working at that time either - but that's ok presumably because they 'part-own' their home...

OP posts:
Marzipanface · 24/10/2012 20:56

Clare

Maybe. I don't know everything about her nevertheless I still feel a bit sad about the way I have been treated and why she felt I wasn't good enough to be invited to the toddler group meetings in her garden, yet I am when she is bored and has nothing else to do.

OP posts:
blackeyedsusan · 24/10/2012 21:15

send herr round here. her head would explode... we own our own crappy flat home... but... it is caught mid renovation... let her try to work that one out(no carpet on stairs but owns own home; brain cannot compute: wahhh, splat..result!)

pigletmania · 24/10/2012 21:16

Clare are you serious. A year is a long time, in that time she has treated the op appealingly, used her, ignored her only spoken to her once there was nobody else. Keep a big fat distance op, there are many ther lovely people out there

Marzipanface · 24/10/2012 22:14

My DH has been telling me for ages that she isn't very genuine but it is tricky to see as she can be seemingly quite kind and nice.

I am slightly gobsmacked that after three sodding months she decides it is ok to come and see me.

Thank you everyone - it is good to get another perspective.

OP posts:
SoleSource · 24/10/2012 22:19

Your DH is very right!

Blackeyed LOL

Marzipanface · 24/10/2012 22:24

I think her head would explode Blackeyed.

She did gawp a bit when I pointed out that both me and her are SAHM just like the nice neighbour!

Again ok because we are not in affordable housing at the moment.

Anyway I think I heard her and her DH at it last night so that's making me feel a little queasy as well.

OP posts:
thixotropic · 24/10/2012 22:25

Just remember that most of the people who own their own houses.... Don't.

The bank does
Iyswim

Marzipanface · 24/10/2012 22:38

I know exactly what you mean, thix!

OP posts:
gimmecakeandcandy · 24/10/2012 22:46

Please please please stay away from this cunt! She is a complete twat and NOT nice so just keep saying no to anything she suggests. Be polite but cool and concentrate on your own friends who are genuinely nice! She will be caught out by others in the end too! Stay away! Don't hook up with her again! Why would you what to?!

NotQuintAtAllOhNo · 24/10/2012 22:51

You know, to be honest, I would not want to be seen to be that womans friend. Just in case others thought I was that shallow and narrominded. Wink

Marzipanface · 24/10/2012 23:06

She has a ton of friends at the groups we used to go to now and I can't face sitting on my own looking like a banana. It's like being back at school.

I take DD to different groups now and she goes to nursery.

I do have friends, just not that local. I was hoping to establish a local group as at the moment it is a bit of trek to get to my mates.

OP posts:
NotQuintAtAllOhNo · 24/10/2012 23:08

I think very few people develop lasting friendships at baby groups.

pigletmania · 24/10/2012 23:14

She is nice not becaus she is genuine but probably has an ulterior motive. Please keep away, those mums will soon discover how she is

Marzipanface · 24/10/2012 23:22

Yup I think I will be avoiding her from now on. I think I fall into the trap of assuming people would behave in the same way as I do. When a few NCT events came up, I went round and knocked on the door to let her know. If I had a few mums over in the garden and I saw my neighbour on her own playing with her child, I wouldn't hesitate to wave them over. The more the merrier, plus it is a chance for her to get to know other mums.

She has done the complete opposite. Then again, I am well aware that she is under no obligation to befriend me just because I am her neighbour.
There lies the difficulty of knowing if I am overreacting or not.

OP posts:
fluffypillow · 24/10/2012 23:22

What a horrible snob. You did the right thing. Best to stay away from people like her, it never ends well. She's obviously got issues, it's not normal behaviour.

Boomerwang · 25/10/2012 08:13

Just bear this in mind when you manage to make some good friends locally and everybody's dropped her like a hot brick. She cannot be the perfect friend to others, they will suss her soon enough. Meanwhile you're doing your own thing and having a nice time making lasting relationships.

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