To ask how often your children see their grandparents?

[VIX1980]

my son is only 4 months and already im finding my inlaws really suffocating, wanting to visit constantly, expecting us to go around there all the time etc. they live half an hour away and mil expects me to walk ds all the way there few days a week, this hasnt happened yet as ive said no quite a few times.

but then if i dont go they just turn up unannounced (especially annoying if ive had a rough night and decided to have a nap while ds sleeps), ive started dreading the weekends because i know as soon as they wake on saturday at 11 the phone will go asking can they see us. they do have 2 other children but my dp is the oldest and ds is there only grandchild.

my own mum on the other hand i take him now and again to see her or she will come here, but she respects our right to privacy and a bit of family time, i think if she had her way mil would of moved in with us by now. Tell me this isnt normal that we should have to see them every single weekend, dp doesnt mind but there his parents and is used to them, i just find them too suffocating and when ive said something im the bad person for wanting a bit of a life at the weekend instead of them coming here or us going there and watching fil pick things out his teeth while watching a western film cos god forbid he turns it off and actually speaks to us.

my nan used to mind me after school so i saw her that way so i dont know if this is normal or too much time really?

[HeinousHecate]

couple of times a year.

But they do live a full twenty miles from us...

[HeinousHecate]

oh, that's my lot. my husband's mum lives in Kenya, so they've only seen her about 3 times.

[SantasOtherElf]

Well my DPs are 40 mins drive away and we see each other every week usually, sometimes more than once.

PILs are 6 hours drive away and they come up or we go down so the space in between visits is about 2 months maximum. They phone and talk to DH about 3-4 times a week, and me occasionally.

It's hard when it's your inlaws sometimes; try and embrace their love and desire to see their GC - aside from anything else, you may be grateful when they're older and you want babysitters.

[Fakebook]

My dad: every day.
Dh's dad: few weeks every year.

[Happiestinwellybobs]

Both my parents and my inlaws live 5 minutes away. My parents very respectful of our family time and see our DD twice a week on average. Usually at theirs as i'm still off work and they don't want to impose. My MIL had very different expectations and expected to see her every day almost. I spoke to her and asked her to relax a bit about coming round, texting to find out where we where etc. the outcome was very sad in that she found this request very unreasonable and thus no longer talks to us and therefore does not see her GC.

So while everyone has their idea of what is normal, you do need to think about yourselves too.

[lukeiamyourmother]

DS see's my mum 2 or 3 times a week and PIL once a week. I had the same problem as you, OP. They would show up when I was naked from the top up trying to establish BF and stick around for hours wanting tea and to hold DS. It was christmas soon after his birth and we got tearful phone calls because we didnt go over (even though they were invited here and point blank refused to come) They had seen him almost every day since he was born. We have now got it down to once a week which suits us. The relationship is much easier now they are at arms length and if i dont fancy going, DP takes DS and I have a coffee and read a book!

It WILL ease off, I am sure of it :)

[newmum001]

My dd see's my mum about 4 times a week (im very close with my mum though and she only lives round the corner) dd has tea there once during the week. Friday saturday and sunday we see my mum at some point. Mil has dd once a week so i can get stuff done and dp takes her to see mil on a sunday so thats twice a week. Obviously if we are doing something else on any of those days we don't see them.

[DeathMetalMum]

We see my mum around twice a week sometimes more. I ususlly go to my parents once a week for a good few hours and my mum and/or my dad could pop round at anytime. Usually only 30 minutes or so. Mil lives just as close and we see her once or twice a month at the most.
Fil and s-mil live two hours away so unfortunatley dont see them as often.

There is no normal my db and sil are in and out if my mum and dads all the time they can see each other every day of the week sometimes.

[OhWouldYouJust]

My parents live 10 minutes away. My mother sees my Dc's once or twice a week for 15-20 mins. And thats only becuase i had a word with her (was previously seeing them 1-2 times a month for half hour or so. She would pop round for a cup of tea and not even take her coat off. My father however has not seen my children since august Not my choice. He quite frankly would rather spend his days off in the pub. So much so that my 3yr old didn't know who he was last time she saw him and hid behind me.

My Pil's visit every saturday, without fail they are wonderful and im extremely lucky to get on fantastically with them.

[Pagwatch]

There is no normal

My mum sees the DC every few months. She tries to visit and stay for a week every now and again but she is getting old and frets about being away from home - she is about an hour and a half away.

My ils live 15 minutes from here and are just in their 60s. They met dd for the first time on her 9th birthday and have not visited once since. Ds2 can't remember who they are.
Very weird.

[missymoomoomee]

Never, my Mum was put into a position (not by me) of having to choose between seeing me and my kids or my brothers now ex girlfriend and their child, mum chose them.

DHs Dad is an alcoholic and refuses to stay sober when we go there so he hasn't even met my daughters and only met my son twice.

[CrunchyFrog]

My mum, they see a couple of times a day. My Dad, maybe twice a year. Paternal GPs are very committed, they come here a out 4 times a year (from London to NI) which I appreciate for the kids' sake but want to kill them dead with spoons on my own account. [hgrin]

[WildWorld2004]

My dd sees my mum a few times a week. If my dd had her way she would move in with my mum. Shes loves it at her house. I dont mind. I love seeing my mum.

[Jusfloatingby]

If your PILs only live half an hour away I don't think its unreasonable that they would expect to see DGS once or twice a week. However, constantly dropping in unnanounced is unfair.

[TheHumancatapult]

Hmm my now xmil would average twice a year not that they lived far away but were wrapped up in their daughters kids

Once we split they dropped them so fast don't even send card

My mum sees them maybe once sometimes twice a week depending

[ksrwr]

dd sees my dp's mother once a week, and we see my parents once a month or so. this is simply down to geography.

BUT in the early days i avoided grandparents as i wanted to have plenty of time with dd and dp, sounds like your MIL is quite suffocating... you need to have a very gentle word with her, along the lines of "i need your help, i need to settle into a routine, ds is only 4 months old, can we pre-arrange meet ups, say once a week", if she thinks she's helping you she might be more inclined to understand?

[redexpat]

We see my PILs about once a week. Sometimes they are babysitting, other times they have invited us for dinner. They usually want to play with him, help us. My parents live in the UK so once or twice a year for about a week at a time. It works for us.

[midseasonsale]

Ask them to ring before they visit as you are planning to catch up on your sleep during the day when baby is asleep and wouldn't want to be woken mid sleep.

Arrange days they can visit/you can visit them. Be specific with dates and times. Arrange well beforehand. They seem to be clutching at straws but if they know they will have a whole day with baby in two weeks time, things might be better. Get to the phone first and say you are busy doing x and x but that they can come on x day.

[Loolah]

mine (dd's 8 & 3) see my parents and my elderly nan nearly everyday, they live 1 street away, very helpful when we have a night out. In laws see them once a week, they come and collect them and take them out or take them to their house for a couple of hours, (they live approx 8 miles away)

[loobydoopy]

Op sounds like you have a difficult situation, I sympathize. Pil see my ds every two months or so. He's their first gc and given the chance they'd probably be turning up all the time but we have precious little time as a family (dh, ds and I ) so we try to limit how often we see relatives, they can also be a huge pita. Start as you mean to go on - maybe answer the phone less and answer the door in your pjs if they turn up unannounced, tell them dc has just Bern sick and now isn't a good time etc.

[VIX1980]

Oh no, as someone said above the thought of having them here for a whole day is far too much for my brain to accept, id of killed them within the first hour.

If they come and actually helped i suppose it wouldnt be so bad but if we dare leave the room while they are here they follow us around, i cant wait till ds is a bit older and has interests of his own but thats wishing his life away and i shouldnt be doing that just because i dont get on with them.

When they do come mil keeps on talking about how she will have him 1 day a week, shes taken him out twice both to the park and both times brought him back within an hour cos he fell asleep and she got bored [hhmm].

[fuzzpig]

Every month or so, they live 40mins away. When they are here they spend most of the time ignoring them

[KenLeeeeeee]

We see the PILs every couple of weeks. They live about 20 mins drive away. My mum lives 150-odd miles away so her visits are more like every couple of months (although I speak to her daily). I haven't seen my dad in a year & a half. We usually see each other once every couple of years.

[TimothyClaypoleLover]

VIX I feel for you as they sound just like my PIL. They only live 10 mins away and are constantly wanting us to spend every weekend with them and turning up unannounced.

Be warned about MIL saying she wants your DS 1 day a week. When I went back to work I reluctantly agreed to let PIL provide childcare one day a week as do want my kids to have a relationship with grandparents regardless of what I think of them. They now insist on having my DD on the same day every week even though I am now a SAHM all day from crack of dawn until end of the day. If I have something else planned they insist on another full 12 hour day. If they don't have their set day they act as though I have denied them access to their grandchild.