To get irritated at my mum's excitement over people's illnesses?

[CoolPatootieTango]

My mum seems to get really excited and obsessive about people being ill. Everytime I ring her she runs down a list of all the people who she knows to be currently suffering illness. The conversation goes something like :

me: "Hi mum, how are you?"
mum: "oh hi, did you know about Sharon?"
me: "yep"
mum: "no I'll tell you the full story, she went to doctors and ..... (20 minutes later) ... and did I tell you about Roger from down the road? "

and on and on she goes until in the end she's spent an hour talking about people's illnesses and I've not got a word in edgeways.

At the moment, her husband is unwell so this is her new obsession. I called this morning to ask how he was and she went on and on about that for an hour or so - eventually I managed to say "I started my new job yesterday" and she said "oh, how did it go?" - I just started to tell her before she interupted with "do you think they'll take his stitches out tomorrow?" ffs

W eventually got around to discussing my new job again before she squeals "OH!!! The nurse is here!!!! I have to , bye!"

AIBU to find it irritating??

One time I was suffering with bowel impactation and she called to see how I was - I was half way through my one sentance answer when she butted in with "oh I've had terrible stomach ache today you know ... " and then waffled on about herself for the next hour whilst I'm in agony on the other end of the phone!

My mum and dad are the same. I don't know if its because they're Irish, but if someone dies, they don't say their goodbyes at the funeral, they have to go see the dead body to say their goodbyes.

Ah yes I def qualify for this thread. My parents play illness top trumps and always win.

And hospital appointments. Nothing gets them more incensed with the world than a hospital appointment with any kind of delay. They set aside the whole day anyway and take a picnic in a wheel along shopping trolley but nothing completes the occasion more than a reason to get very very cross about being there for 'hours'. It wouldn't be worth going without that.

Except they only actually say anything to me. To the doctor or anyone else there they wouldn't say a sausage and are all smiles and understanding.

Also the special 'illness' voice. My mum does it to perfection. Sort of matter of fact overlaid with doom and despair. Doesn't matter if it's a cold or cancer. In fact if it's a cold it soon will be cancer in her book. Doesnt matter if she even knows the person well or not. Same voice which says that's it time's up. They're finished.

Of course many of these people have the nerve to actually get better. But we never talk about them again. How very dare they?? Of course there's nothing like the quiet satisfaction of being able to report a death if someone doesn't make it.

I love this thread! the only lines missing in all these convos is the one DM usually starts with "Are you sitting down ?............" (this is i think incase i fall over/collapse from news of my dear dear uncle john/bob/harry who just died, turns out i never know who it was anyway, just like the rest of you....then followed by the line "We are all in mourning now!".....(are we ?

A relative is having a sex change in the coming months. I hope my Mum will be ok with that.

[hgrin] @ this thread. My mother is like this but she does have a normal conversation too, and she's 82 so seen lots of death! Her closest friend is the best she loves illness and death, they must be a riot together!

ExMil is 89 and never moans, even though she has plenty to complain about.

Present StepMil is crotchety and always says when she rings 'I thought you were dead' Probably because dp doesn't ring enough. Dp's mother isn't a moaner but a bit demanding, lovely with it though.

My mum is well known within her family for her hypochondriac ways, no-one is ever sicker or has had anything worse, it's definitely competitive with her!

When an Aunty was diagnosed with bowel cancer my mum called her to ask about her symptoms and discuss her own self-diagnosed IBS & couldn't understand why we were aghast.

She's been "ill" all her life and loves any medical attention, me & my brothers often refer to her as Mrs Munchausen because as kids we were regularly carted off to the doctors for no real reason.

She had some heart tests a few years back & was thrilled to discover she'd had a mild heart attack which apparently was the worst on the ward, this then followed months of calling ambulances when she thought she was having another - all diagnosed as anxiety attacks, but what do medical professionals know compared to her Readers Digest Medical Encyclopedia & now Google!

She is the only heart patient I've ever heard of who has been told not to do any gentle exercise or change their diet but instead a variety of pills will work just as well.

I live abroad so am distanced a little bit from the worst of it but every phone call starts the same with a run-down of her illnesses, how little she has slept, how many times she's been to the doctor & how lucky I am to have reached my forties with no medical problems!

She is another who scans the local papers for the obituary & emails me to inform me of the death of random strangers.

We can laugh about it but I know it will get worse as she gets older :-(

I hope no one minds but I just wanted to add that I have found these threads hilarious and have been crying with laughter - right now much needed . Thank you

During last visit MIL got her yearbook out and went through it pointing out who was dead and who was sick. She had a great time.

I hate that sort of talk, its so....macabre

So funny yet so annoying. My DM always has something wrong and has always had worse than anyone else. If she hasn't had it, she is just not interested. I had a hole in my heart diagnosed and fixed a few yrsmback. She was VERY disgruntled about it as couldn't compete

My mum is not too bad with illnesses although I do get to hear about the deaths of people I don't know but I swear she trawls through the news looking for anything negative so she can ring me and begin with "Isn't it awful, have you heard....?" No matter how much I change the subject and tell her it isn't her problem so let's not focus on it she turns the subject back.

She will also turn a really minor situation into an "I don't know where this will ever end" but if I suggest a solution she doesn't want a way out, just someone to moan to. Last year a family member was having some financial difficulties and borrowed some money off her, despite her still having some savings every phone call began with "(sigh) I'll be in the poorhouse soon" for months.

My gran was exactly like this. Every time I went to visit I'd got a run down of who was dead, close to dying or who had been to the doctors in her sheltered housing complex. Always a guessing game. I actually said to my dm a few weeks ago 'guess who's dead?!' Without even thinking about it

My dg's sister has a habit of shouting across the waiting room 'WHAT ARE YOU IN FOR?' When you meet her in the doctors.

I should also add that I seem my gran twice a week!

My Mum and especially MiL are just like this too. In fact when our phone rings we always say oh god, it'll be 'insert MiL's name' to tell us all about a load of people we dont know who have died.....

My Mum takes delight in telling us how awful it is for her when we go anywhere or do anything as she will be so worried about us. Even a car journey. Eventually I plucked up the courage to tell her to stop. She didnt like that much (whole other thread).

My mum writes the deaths of people on her calendar. So in any one month, I can see how many years it was since Paul, Helen and Beryl, all old neighbours, left this mortal coil

F R E A K

Arf @this. My DM is the same, constantly telling me about so and so's afflictions, I just don't want to know - even extends to persons in the news.

I saw a client this week, mid sixties, man who is always full of his own imaginery illnesses, however this time the world is going to end; he has been diagnosed with type two diabetes - he was wailing on about it and I told him not to fret, with an improved diet he will lose all the excess weight he is carrying. Then he went on to tell me about everyone he knows who has it and all about the 'illness' - took me half an hour to get in the fact my mother has had it for 50 years so I know.

Bubblemoon's conversation is absolutely hilarious!

ie. ^My phone rings......
Mum: [complete silence until I speak]
Me: Mum, hello, is that you? How are you?
Mum: Bubble, Guess who's dead?
Me: Um.....no idea.
Mum: David Barby. He was only 97 too.
Me: Oh how awful and for his family too. Who is he Mum?
Mum: He's that nice man on Bargain Hunt.
Me: Oh yes, I heard about that on the radio now you come to say.
Mum: You knew???? Why didn't you tell me? ^

this is all very funny ....but theres some correlation between morbid obsessive and age ? were all these women like this when they were younger ? Or are WE all going to become our mums ?

i cant remember my mum ever having such a conversation with me when i was young nor overheard her sharing such details with anyone, so she must have been too busy with "life", now they have done it all, the next most exciting thing i suppose is death and anything that remotely relates to death e.g people's illnesses, very odd when DM rings her first question is (bar no death) "there's something wrong with your breathing"
Me: "no there isnt, I'm fine!"
Dm: "you sound like your struggling to breath..."
Me: (by now i really am struggling to breath, cos im annoyed) and on and on..

Mil is a bit like this, mostly about herself and her illness. She has cancer and is having chemo. Unfortunately, neither of her two daughters are able to provide a lot of help (for valid reason before anyone comments) and so I've ended up in the position of doing stuff.

However, I get more or less daily calls which inevitably involve discussing the most intimate stuff (piles/bowel movements, etc in particular as cancer is pressing on these and making it worse). In my head I'm screaming "Nooo TMI!"

She then moves on to who's doing what with who in her street. Now even DP no longer remembers most of the neighbours and most are new anyway.

By the time she gets to the purpose of the call (usually some shopping), it's at least ten minutes later...

Okay she's 83, fit enough and the prognosis for the cancer is good (and there's no pain, if you discount the piles), but I frequently put the phone down and realise I've blanked most of what was said. Apart from the shopping [hgrin]

Even before the cancer, I could guarantee a call would last a minimum of 10 minutes.

And recently it escalated. I went to visit and she dropped her trousers to show me the site of a biopsy. OMG, NOOOOO! At least she didn't insist on showing the piles.......

One of my abiding memories from my childhood is sitting in the back of the car (about 5 of us, no belts, Ireland in the 70's!) looking at the back of my mother's head and my aunt's head as they discussed the health of everyone they knew even people they'd met in a shop once in 1961

So no, she's always been like it!

OH I saw my mum yesterday and she has started doing it I noticed she never did before,
so n so is ill they have been off work for weeks it is something to do with 'down there' an awful bother she is having . you know SO n SO don't you yes mum I do but won't be able to look at her again without wondering if her 'down there ' is working or not

My mother is like this.

For example: my dad had cancer for 12 years before finally succumbing to it 2 weeks ago.

Every time we saw her she spent much of her time telling us about the next one of her friends who had been diagnosed with cancer.

She wanted to know the results of my dad's latest scan, his recent medication, how much morphine he was on, what drugs he was taking, etc. etc. etc.

Her best one was "oh it's spread to X has it? It'll be his brain next. Once it gets to your brain you only have 6 weeks you know..." It didn't ever get to his brain (as far as I know).

Fortunately, we have nothing to do with her now so she doesn't even know that he has died.

Folk You've had a tough time. Sorry for your loss.

Thanks.

I'm going to stop mentioning it on pretty much every thread I land on now though!

Sorry Folk .

My mum's conversational salvos tend to consist of a long run down of her day
What time she got up.
What she had for breakfast.
What she listened to on the radio while she had her breakfast.
Whether or not the dogs crapped when she let them out into the garden after breakfast.
What she bought when she went to Tesco express.
Who she met on the way down to the village.
And inevitably some tale of woe from said person.

As soon as the phone goes in the morning I either switch on mumsnet or start unloading my sidhwasher. I can only tolerate her calls if I multi task at the same time. Sometimes she hears plates clanking and gets really irritated that I won't just sit still and give her neighbours heart bypass my full attention.