To get irritated at my mum's excitement over people's illnesses?

[CoolPatootieTango]

My mum seems to get really excited and obsessive about people being ill. Everytime I ring her she runs down a list of all the people who she knows to be currently suffering illness. The conversation goes something like :

me: "Hi mum, how are you?"
mum: "oh hi, did you know about Sharon?"
me: "yep"
mum: "no I'll tell you the full story, she went to doctors and ..... (20 minutes later) ... and did I tell you about Roger from down the road? "

and on and on she goes until in the end she's spent an hour talking about people's illnesses and I've not got a word in edgeways.

At the moment, her husband is unwell so this is her new obsession. I called this morning to ask how he was and she went on and on about that for an hour or so - eventually I managed to say "I started my new job yesterday" and she said "oh, how did it go?" - I just started to tell her before she interupted with "do you think they'll take his stitches out tomorrow?" ffs

W eventually got around to discussing my new job again before she squeals "OH!!! The nurse is here!!!! I have to , bye!"

AIBU to find it irritating??

One time I was suffering with bowel impactation and she called to see how I was - I was half way through my one sentance answer when she butted in with "oh I've had terrible stomach ache today you know ... " and then waffled on about herself for the next hour whilst I'm in agony on the other end of the phone!

I really had to bite my tongue when that little girl April went missing. When she came out with "you were all in bed by that time" I really wanted reply with "fucking congratulations, you must have been a perfect parent that none of your kids were ever abducted" I did get quite narky with her though, and told her to stop being judgemental. Her reply? A lot of people have been saying it ('a lot'? you mean the opinionated wankers at your old people's group)

Anyone ill is obsessed over endlessly in as much detail as possible. And as soon as they are well she isn't interested any more, and finds someone else.

Her own medical records must be a mile high as she has also spent her adult life claiming to have various incurable conditions, many many times. And when tests are all clear (again) instead of being pleased, claiming the hospital equipment is faulty and has missed her brain tumour, tuberculosis, disintegrating joints or MS.

My godmother does this. She's 94 and is taking extreme delight in gradually outliving all her friends, as if it's some game of mortality Musical Chairs. If you mention seeing anyone in the village, her eyes light up and she says things like, 'Oh, Mary! Isn't she terribly crippled now?' or 'I heard Ernest was practically housebound!' with a trill of pure glee.

It is not very becoming. It's very period drama though. All she needs is a mob cap, and a lorgnette, and she's in Cranford.

Coolpatootie, your mums bus story has me giggling with tears in my eyes. Why didn't you laugh?!

Ah, Gwendoline, you have an Irish Mammy. I understand completely . DP's Irish Mammy does love sitting at the kitchen table with a mug of tea discussing illnesses (hers and everyone else's). Thankfully, she does not speak to any of her sisters, so it's only her we have to listen to!

I am forever grateful that my own Irish Mammy is more interested in Topshop and River Island and nights out than discussing the woes of everyone in a 10 mile radius .

My Nan on the other hand... Well, the high point of her day is listening to the local death notices on LMFM .

Mortality Musical Chairs

I may have to borrow that one, its excellent.

My mum is self obsessed. She has to out do every single illness that anyone else in the family has. To the extent that she has been trying to get herself, and my sister (who she is not in competition with) diagnosed with asthma. That's been going on for as long as I can remember, my standing as the only family member with it has long been a source of ire. She was deeply unimpressed when both DDs turned out to be asthmatic too, not because they were I'll, because she'd been outdone again.

She also has to have everything worse than anyone else, and gets my dad or sister to call for the ambulance so often that she's on first name turns with most of the paramedics. Sadly that is 100% true, she revels in it, personally I think she should be embarrassed.

Glad I'm not the only one with a family of loons.

I'd call her a drama vampire, but I think I like the other conditions named on here!

DH and I went to Eire for our honeymoon, and we commented on the pervading air of pessimism, so perhaps it's slightly cultural. Even DH, who is unfortunately one of the most pessimistic (and consequently schadenfreude-ish) people I know thought it noticeable.

MIL is no way near as extreme as some of your examples, but she does revel in this kind of news. She's where DH gets his outlook from - the smallest symptom will be something life threatening. I get texts from SIL saying 'We heard about XYZ and hope he/she is better' - very sweet but I do get a bit rolly-eyed about it all. I think she feels she has to monitor me from a distance as I'm generally quite laissez-faire about DCs health; too optimistic almost. Anyway, I think it's just a boredom thing. A lot of my DPs generation have turned themselves over to family and kept up nothing for themselves (in terms of hobbies) that they now live for gossip.

My mum does this too, but if you tell her I've got something she's got it too or even worse, self diagnosis by the way. "Go to the doctors" say I, "I can't be bothered." !!!!

Oops - DP there is parents. Mixing acronyms.

Euphemia - Sorry about your father.

Yep, just yesterday i had:

Mum - "Roy, do you remember Roy?"
Me - "Errrrrr ...."
Mum - "You know, the postman from when we lived at no.X"
no.X is about 200 miles away and we lived there 30 years ago
Me - "Errrm ... no, i ... "
Mum - "Yes you do! He was short and bald and gossiped about all the post".
Me - "What about him anyway?"
Mum - "Well ... his wife's died! She was 83."
Me - " ..... oh dear ..... how do you know???"
Mum - "X from the WI (she was a member in the 80s) knows his daughters dog breeders bloody hairdresser. She emailed yesterday" or something !!!!!

This sort of convo. is a regular thing.
"Dr. Smith, do you remember him " ? He gave you your jabs after you were born ....."
"Yes you do ... well! His legs have fallen off. I got an email from .... "

Another thing while we're here:

This is a hard one to explain, and i dont suppose anyone else will get this, but she'll ring me or we'll meet for the first time in a week or so and she'll suddenly say

"How did it go then?"
Me - "what"?
And she says "On Wednesday"
Me (thinking God what big thing happened last Wednesday that i'm forgetting, obviously to do with the health of the family/the security of the house/the importance of the universe. I must be going mad) "What? WHAT on Wednesday??"
She - "Well you know, Wednesday morning ...?"
Me - "Nnnngggghhhhh - WHAT Mum!?"
She - "You were going to ... turn your matress/throw away a mug/hoover the boot etc"

This drives me bonkers. SAY the thing you're asking me about! My life is busy. I do lots everday. Dont make me think i'm going mad by saying "How was IT last Friday". I cant remember anything particular because last Friday has long gone and i've about 25 different crisis' by then!!! It makes me look mad and scatty because i don't know what she's on about, and i hate it!!!!!!

Breeeeath.

My mother is just like this too. She also has the really annoying habit of diagnosing herself with exactly the same thing that her family or friends have got. For example when my gran was told she had arthritis, my mum decided she had it shortly after. It was just the same with my grandads tinnitus, gout, my brothers asthma, exczema etc. I've had some serious health problems over the last few years and she always, without fail, has either had it (but much much worse) at some point in her life or has it at the same time (but much much worse). Arrrgghhhhh...she drives me mad. I'm sure if my dad had prostrate problems she have them too!! YADNBU!

fluffy that last convo has really made me laugh.

My mum is from Wales so maybe the pessimism thing is due to the eternal rain and the black black of the coal mines. All very Dylan Thomas.............

Imagine if all these people were put together in a room with my mil who once worked in a care home changing beds and now thinks she's a Consultant

WHERE WOULD IT END!! It would be like that comedy sketch ' you think you had it hard? FOURTEEN of us lived in a one bedroomed flat with no heating, carpet or bathroom during the war'

It would be chaos!

I am practically in tears laughing at this thread. My MIL is exactly like this. Obsessed with illness and death. Absolutely loves it.

Von- my MIL worked in a doctors surgery part-time as a receptionist for a couple of years in the 70s and also thinks she's a Consultant.

When I was having a few issues with my last pregnancy and she was gleefully grilling me for all the juicy details she came out with
"oh I don't think so. In my experience.. Bla bla bla"

Um, so you know more than a Consultant Obstetrician who's been practicing for more than 20 years?

and

I am practically in tears laughing at this thread. My MIL is exactly like this. Obsessed with illness and death. Absolutely loves it.

Von- my MIL worked in a doctors surgery part-time as a receptionist for a couple of years in the 70s and also thinks she's a Consultant.

When I was having a few issues with my last pregnancy and she was gleefully grilling me for all the juicy details she came out with
"oh I don't think so. In my experience.. Bla bla bla"

Um, so you know more than a Consultant Obstetrician who's been practicing for more than 20 years?

and

Oh OP, how I feel your pain. My mother does this and, even worse, she tells everyone she meets that I am a doctor (I am - arguably even worse if I wasn't ) and will happy to advise them about their chemotherapy regime/breastfeeding difficulties/weird neurological symptoms.

PS If you ring my mother after 10pm, she answers the phone with "Who's dead?".

Oh thank Christ that other people's mums do this - mine's been haranguing me my whole life with health dramas of people I don't know. I wish I could laugh at it but it just makes me go fucking loopy.

She's coming for a visit tomorrow

Hilarious thread. This is my mum all over. Conversation recently went like this:

Mum: Guess who's got parkinsons?
Me: Don't know.
Mum: Go on, guess.
Me: Honestly mum, I've no idea, it could be anyone.
Mum: I'll give you a clue. Used to work with your father.
Me: Really mum, I don't know. Just tell me.
Mum: Oh you're no good. Angela.
Me: Who?
Mum: Gerry's wife.
Me: Who's Gerry?
Mum: Used to work with your father.
Me: Oh that's awful. How bad is it?
Mum: I don't know. I only saw them in sainsbury's and couldn't stop.

Mum: Guess who's been in hospital...

We call her the angel of death.

My Mum rang me a few weeks ago, and before even asking how I was, she started telling me how a chap had collapsed in Morrisons. She didn't see it happen, just that they cordoned off the biscuit aisle, and an ambulance attended and carted him off. I swear there was a level of excitement in her voice. She didn't know him, but was full of the details - a woman in her 30's went with him - that MUST have been his daughter, it must be awful seeing your Dad collapse in public like that. She filled in all the missing details herself. I said "it was probably his parole officer, he was probably a dirty old paedophile" She was not amused.

She then rang everyone she knew, to broadcast the drama, adding more and more embellishment each time. I bet by early evening he had had open heart emergency surgery and a tracheotomy by the digestives.

And I bet your life she was craning her neck to have a good nose as they wheeled him away...

My Dad is just like this. His favourite daily past time is reading the obituaries in the local paper to see who he knows that has died! Once he's done that he worries about his own imaginary ailments. He's only 69 FFS. But he refuses to actually see anyone about his ailments

Our conversations go something like this:
Me: Hello Dad. how are you?

Dad: I've got a bit of a head/ dicky tummy/ aching heel

Me: Oh dear... have you been to the doctor?

Dad: Oh no... I don't like to bother him

GAH!

In fact, if anyone has a single DM/ MiL/ other Angel of Death suffering from MM&I Syndrome living in Oxfordshire, please feel free to PM me so that we can hook them up! Then they can whinge about death and illness to each other!

She would have to be able put up with his burping/ farting and general miserable outlook on life though

Rofl at drama in the biscuit aisle. My mum also takes anyone's misfortune as her own and adds to it for effect.

One classic was when she was telling me about a tragic road accident she'd heard about on the local news. After describing it in more detail than was necessary, she added: "Can you IMAGINE if it happened to you and your girls?n Oh God, it'd be awful. Imagine you all in hospital. God, can you imagine having to plan funerals, oh God" etc. She got herself more and more worked up as I tried to tell her I'd rather not imagine it thanks and can we have a cup of tea instead?

MY Mil did this she loved all the gory details and would go into long lists of ailments of her friend with a chest infection the trouble they had getting a GP appointment ( you wouldn't want to be dying at that clinic ) she would explain about pus and mucus with delight, sigh I remember an ambulance arrived in her street once she nearly exploded