Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that having children isn't a race or competition?

73 replies

Dordeydoo · 21/10/2012 23:03

Me and DP have started to discuss having children and are not using protection so just going to let it happen if it happens. We have to my mum and DPs mum about this. MIL then told DPs brother and his gf who didn't want children until they heard what we are doing. When I spoke to BIL today he said they ate trying like crazy for a baby as he has to have 1 first as he is the older brother.

AIBU to think it shouldn't be like this and it's not a competition?

OP posts:
SlightlySuperiorPeasant · 22/10/2012 09:24

What strange people. I would have a lot of fun with this and start rumours going about:

  • your engagement
  • your wedding
  • you expecting twins (they will no doubt fly to somewhere dodgy to ensure they have triplets)
  • your trip around the world

etc. :o

SlightlySuperiorPeasant · 22/10/2012 09:26

Oh, and you have my sympathy because my SIL1 is exactly the same. Slightly is pregnant?! Eight weeks later... So is SIL1! SIL3 is engaged?! Eight weeks later... SIL1 is pregnant! Hmm

FatimaLovesBread · 22/10/2012 09:35

Why have they taken two weeks off? Does he know the logistics of ovulation?
I'd laugh if the two weeks happened to be the last week of one cycle and the start of the next.
What a strange man

NotAnIdiotHonest · 22/10/2012 09:36

Feel quite sorry for your BIL's DP!

We'd probably tell our parents if we were ttc. We are close to our families and talk about stuff. It's hardly 'discussing your sex life'. And not everyone has parents or in laws who would constantly ask if you're pg or not - some people have parents who are reasonable, thoughtful people.

Original poster
Dordeydoo · 22/10/2012 12:18

Thanks to the people who have not said discussing with Parents is gross, we havent discussed sex life at all.

BIL is just one of these people who has to be one better and the world has to be about him all the fucking time.

BIL's DP already has a lil boy and claims she got pregnant within two weeks of having sex with her ex dp.

OP posts:
StaceymReadyForNumber3 · 22/10/2012 12:33

Op I got pg within 4 days of knowing XH and whilst on the pill and using condoms. It still took 6mo of trying for ds and this time with DH it took 15 months. Sometimes life doesn't always work the same way twice.

Don't worry about what they are up to (2 weeks off for bonking, ewwww) just concentrate in you and your dp. It sounds like your approach is a lit better thought out than theirs!

MsVestibule · 22/10/2012 12:41

Shock at Stacey - 4 days???!

Spatsky · 22/10/2012 12:45

If you think this is bad you really don't want children the same age, the you will have the who sleeps through first, who weans first, who walks first who talks first, then at school who is on the higher book band, who gets better sats, omg, I would be tempted to let them have their baby first just to avoid same age children if your BIL is like this now!

HazleNutt · 22/10/2012 12:57

OP just tell them that you have changed your mind and decided that kids are too much trouble after all, who wants to be tied down? And the expenses..

And then ..surprise! Grin

HazleNutt · 22/10/2012 12:59

Spatsky, but can you imagine if the BIL has theirs first and then OP:

"Oh, little Dordeydoo is not doing xxx yet? Our precious at that age could already.."

StaceymReadyForNumber3 · 22/10/2012 13:04

msvestibule Blush found out at 6 weeks pregnant when we'd been together just over 4 weeks. Trying to explain that was quite interesting! (the whole fact there's no baby until 2 wks pg by the docs calculations)

TempusFuckit · 22/10/2012 13:07

YANBU. My younger DB has form for this too. When trying for DS, we had two miscarriages, which he knew about. He and SIL got pregnant just after the second. When I told him about third pregnancy after 12-week scan, he boasted about beating us to it. Heartless git.

Two weeks thing is hilarious though. He clearly doesn't have a clue how it works ...

Spatsky · 22/10/2012 13:11

Yes hazelnutt you have a point I win situation.

Tbf tempus, I had no idea before I got pregnant myself that they date the pregnancy from before you actually conceive so can understand it being tricky conversation!

Spatsky · 22/10/2012 13:11

No win situation that was meant to say

fraserboysmum · 22/10/2012 13:19

You should definitely fuck his head up and say " nope we decided not to bother and enjoy just being the two of us for now " especially if BIL DP gets pregnant, his head would likely implode !
Just think of the fun you could have in his ' one up-manship' you could pretend anything you like and see if he tries to outdo you !

AMumInScotland · 22/10/2012 13:34

Your BIL is clearly a loon. But if you want to wind him up - when he fails to get his GF pg after their 2-week bonkathon, you can make comments about how her ex must have a much higher sperm count, or just "have been so much more of a man than he is" (Obviously we all know quick conception does not relate to overall manliness, but he sounds like the sort of competitive idiot who is easily wound up)

But in the longer term, you are going to have to get some strategies together for dealing with this sort of competitive arseholery - conception is just the start of the competition, you will then have every single pregnancy symptom, every detail of the birth, breastfeeding, weaning, nappies, etc as competition-fodder. I advise a vague "Oh that's nice" whenever they tell you anything about anything, as it doesn't give them any ammunition.

honeytea · 22/10/2012 13:48

Hopefully it will be nice for your babies to be close in age cousins :)

I don't think the 2 week bonk holiday is a good idea, I believed that sex every other day works best for conception, surely yiu don't need time of work to allow every other day sex.

I told my parents when TTC and I really regretted it when it to nearly 2 years to get pregnant. Next time we won't tell anyone.

Fakebook · 22/10/2012 13:56

Your bil is pathetic, but you already know that.. I've been a victim of this. I had my son this year and my sil, who is 13 years older than me and competes with me in everything decided to get pregnant and have another baby too, because her daughters wanted a baby like their younger cousin (my dd). Her words. Good luck to them.

Having babies is not a competition.

Fakebook · 22/10/2012 13:57

I said 13 years older than me because its such an age gap, we have nothing in common and no similar goals in our lives.

CelineMcBean · 22/10/2012 14:03

Really don't get why you have to tell your mums? Do you consult them on everything?

Most odd and a teeny bit self-obsessed. Are you all in upper fifth form or what?

NotAnIdiotHonest · 22/10/2012 15:37

I'm pretty sure noone has said they have to tell their mums Celine...just that they tend to talk about everything and they would discuss that too. To me, if I was about to do something as monumental (to me!) as ttc, it would feel really unnatural not to chat to my mum about it like I do with everything else. Don't see how being open is being self-obsessed?

WileyRoadRunner · 22/10/2012 15:42

The though of OP telling her mum they were "no longer using contraception" is quite amusing though....

Sorry.

As you were.

Adversecamber · 22/10/2012 17:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread