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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that having children isn't a race or competition?

73 replies

Dordeydoo · 21/10/2012 23:03

Me and DP have started to discuss having children and are not using protection so just going to let it happen if it happens. We have to my mum and DPs mum about this. MIL then told DPs brother and his gf who didn't want children until they heard what we are doing. When I spoke to BIL today he said they ate trying like crazy for a baby as he has to have 1 first as he is the older brother.

AIBU to think it shouldn't be like this and it's not a competition?

OP posts:
Serenitysutton · 21/10/2012 23:46

I feel sorry for him too. He must be hideously insecure. Just be relieved you're not inside his head- or indeed, that you are not his partner

Bogeyface · 21/10/2012 23:48

Are they going to take of 2 weeks every month?!

Just smile and look a bit pitying whenever they mention it, everyone will know why they are doing it.

kinkyfuckery · 21/10/2012 23:49

Not sure which is worse; you discussing your sex life with your parents, or them discussing it with their other child.

Original poster
Dordeydoo · 21/10/2012 23:50

Nothing else is a competition just the bigger things such as children, moving in together, marriage (not happened yet but most likely).

I think he feels he can't be out done by his younger brother.

OP posts:
DeepPurple · 21/10/2012 23:50

Hmm two weeks off to try? We tried like crazy for 6 months. The month we were successful neither of us remember that we tried. Confused we certainly didn't take time off work Shock

Original poster
Dordeydoo · 21/10/2012 23:51

Hardly discussed sex life, just that we r guna let it happen if It does and aren't preventing it any more.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dordeydoo · 21/10/2012 23:52

Deep purple - i don't believe it will happen in the 2weeks but he's bloody crazyGrin

OP posts:
Softlysoftly · 22/10/2012 00:06

You realise telling DPs mum to shut her up will backfire? If it takes a while you will have "any news? It's been x months" way too much pressure.

Never tell a n y t h I n g

And ffs don't discuss names.

Serenitysutton · 22/10/2012 00:09

Surely he'd win more big man points by getting married first? Is he a bit dim, for one so competitive?

Original poster
Dordeydoo · 22/10/2012 00:13

I think it will shut MIL up for a while as she now knows that a baby is on the cards instead of not knowing when we were planning on starting to try. She won't put pressure as it took her 2 years to conceive BIL so she knows what its like.

He's fucked up, I've always thought it but his recent actions have confirmed it

OP posts:
SerenityNOT · 22/10/2012 00:34

Tell him you've changed your minds, you'll be moving to Oz and producing your many offspring there once the house is bought/decorated and the ponies are settled in their stables. Grin

horsebreath · 22/10/2012 00:51

What a sad little man. Just carry on, as you were.

HoneyDragon · 22/10/2012 04:51

Serenity

Damn good idea! I like your style Grin

ZombTEE · 22/10/2012 05:02

Tell him you've decided to get married first. Then he'll be too busy planning his wedding so that it's first to shag.

FolkGhoul · 22/10/2012 06:03

Oh that's ridiculous!

Some people are just like that though, aren't they?!

Just be aware that if they are successful, the competition probably won't end there Sad

I don't know why people are suggesting you shouldn't have told your parents you were trying for a baby. You can tell your parents what you want, you shouldn't have to account for psycho sibling in everything you do!

MyLastDuchess · 22/10/2012 07:56

That is so weird. I am the older sister and my DS had a baby before I did. Only about 18 months before, but she had been trying for years and years before that (ended with IVF) and I hadn't even met DP yet.

I had never really thought about it until now. Perhaps I should have!!!

MyLastDuchess · 22/10/2012 07:56

DS should be DSis of course.

Trills · 22/10/2012 08:03

If your MIL is of the sort where you want her to stop asking when you will have a baby then you are a FOOL to even hint that you are trying.

RobynRidingHood · 22/10/2012 08:06

How gross to discuss your sex life with your parents - even worse it was shared round the family.

Bumblequeen · 22/10/2012 08:16

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request.

HappyJustToBe · 22/10/2012 08:19

YANBU.

I was pregnant at the same time as my sister and was due two weeks before her. DM kept going on about me going over and her being early and I needed to hurry up apparently so she didn't get first. I asked why and she looked surprised and muttered something about me being older and trying for baby whereas sister wasn't actively trying. Odd, odd, odd.

Be warned it doesn't stop at conception. Practice letting it all wash over you.

StaceymReadyForNumber3 · 22/10/2012 08:27

I'm not sure it's that odd for you to tell family you are ttc tbh. My mum knew we were trying for a year and thankfully was there when I had my early mcs.

Maybe a little premature if you've only just started trying but that's ops business not ours tbh.

Op YANBU your bil sounds weird!

marquesas · 22/10/2012 08:33

I want more details about the taking of 2 weeks off work for conceiving. How totally bonkers, does he thinks it's all about the quantity? Will they be shagging non stop so she's totally spermed up, I've never heard anything so ridiculous Grin

FolkGhoul · 22/10/2012 08:51

My brother told me that he and his wife were TTC and how long they had been for.

I'm beginning to think that might have been a bit odd now Grin

TennisFan42 · 22/10/2012 08:54

I find it odd that people have come on this thread just to question why the OP told her parents/PIL and even worse the people who have described her decision to tell them as "gross". That language is emotive and both types of comment are not remotely constructive. If you disagree with her decision to discuss this with other people it would be better to say something like "next time it might be easier not to tell people or ask them not to discuss it with others". We are here to give advice and support, not judgement. What is wrong with you people?

OP - I can understand your decision to discuss having a baby with your family. It's a big step in life and it sounds like you and your partner are taking it seriously, thinking about it and making a sensible decision about when it's right for you. Unfortunately, that doesn't sound like the case for your BIL. In your position, try not to feel irritated that he is playing one-upmanship with you but feel sorry for him that beating his brother is this important to him and mostly feel sorry for the child they could potentially conceive without putting the thought and planning into it that you and your partner have.

And definitely hint that you are thinking of emigrating to see how he reacts - loved that idea!

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