to think he could have bugged my house? AIBU?

[sobloominscared]

Ok I realise im probably going to sound barking mad, but my ex and I are going to court to increase access to our child and he keeps saying he has 'something on me' that will ruin me. I haven't 'done' anything I can think of, but he has literally got me paranoid to the brink of my sanity. Years ago when we split up he used to make comments about stuff that I wondered how the hell he knew about? He constantly messed with my head when we were together and I know there is probably a hangover from that.
I read an article online recently about a woman in america who sowed recording devices into her sons clothes and even a teddy bear so that she could spy on her ex, the childs dad. He found them and she is obviously in trouble, but I shouldn't have read it because now with the stress of the court case I am CONVINCED he has done the same to me???
He dropped dd back from a visit yesterday and stood there smirking at me , this just isnt like him. I ended up checking dd's clothes for wires.
I realise I probably sound mad, we are a normal household etc,but I worry about things like me shouting at dd etc. I used to cry a lot when she was younger as I felt so down about the split and like I was struggling to cope. I am terrified he 'was in on all that' ifyswim.

I feel ridiculous even saying all this, please be gentle with me. Is any of this possible? Could he have bugged dd's clothes or something?

He's fucking with your mind.

Don't let him. Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.

Controlling bastards who play mind games HATE to be ignored.

He's messing with your head because he is a twat. You may not have reacted well to your DCs tantrums etc in the past, but that is over. If he had something really bad on you, he would have gone to court earlier/called social services/etc. Hence, it would appear that he doesn't (or will have to explain in court why he thinks it is important enough to bring to court when he has done nothing...)

If you have a solicitor, I would engage in some self protection by having a formal letter sent to him stating that he must provide details of anything he intends to raise in court. Make sure the letter is on the court file and then if he tries to ambush you (1) refuse to respond until you have consulted your own notes and had time to recall what must, necessarily, be something from way back in the mists of time - this will necessarily involve a postponement of the court hearing (2) refer the court to the letter and ask for him to be made to pay all costs of the hearing given that he is responsible, despite being warned, for the need to delay.

Oh mine tried all that. It's bollocks but it does mess with your head when you're already in a vulnerable and anxious state. Have you had any counselling? That was what cured me and enabled me to laugh in the tosser's face whenever he tried his mind games. He doesn't bother anymore - like any bully, they lose interest when they don't get a reaction. It's all bluster.

"I think shouting and swearing at dc would be considered borderline criminal though wouldn't it?"

Nope, unless the person doing the considering is a robot who never has a bad day. Small children can be very very troublesome and people who have been left high and dry by a twatty ex are not expected to be saints. If he has something like that (1) you point out that recording someone without their consent is unlawful and (2) you explain to the court that at the time you were tired/stressed/having money worries and things were getting a bit much, and (this is the important bit) when you realised things were going off the rails you decided that it had to stop and researched/implemented methods of ensuring that you could deal with DC more calmly (e.g. you watched supernanny and started to use the technique of putting DC in a safe room to tantrum and standing outside to have a few minutes before going back to deal with it).

Everyone who has kids is on a learning curve, and what the court will want to know is that things are now much calmer and you have developed techniques for dealing with problems.

Thanks guys. I asked over on legal last night and they said illegal recordings wouldnt be allowed and he would get in trouble for it but he is the kind of arrogant shit who would think it was still ok as it was in dd's interests to get it heard. I do know it's head-fuckery and need to calm down about it. I've had all sorts of comments about who i have in my house and around our dd that I think how the hell does he know that and how dare he try to imply I dont keep her safe?Grrr

Tiarrrggoo - great post thanks and will take it down. I am filled with horror at the idea of having been recorded at my lowest and most awful ebb and went on for so long....i thought i would never end tbh. If he has recorded me then i think it i will look very bad indeed, even if he does as well,

Wow he's awful, isn't he? You poor thing. I agree with others that he is desperately trying to destabilise you.

Is there any way you can reduce contact with him? Is there anyone else who can handle the contact meets? Because I think he's really hurting you and if there is a way to disengage you will be in a lot stronger position.

Thanks everyone. I've got lots of good advice here I just hope I can hold it together before the c.case. I know deep down he is messing with my head so hopefully I start to believe it and get some sleep. Whatever will be will be i suppose. If he gets increased access to my dd through scaremongering me then I'll hue myself even more.