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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be pissed of with my DH about the soup?

69 replies

FishfingersAreOK · 20/10/2012 11:45

Because I really cannot tell (raging PMT and v emotional). It is such a minor thing. He has to work on Sunday so yesterday I made a big pan of our family favourite soup so we could have it for lunch today.

He knew this and we agreed we have several things we have to do - he has to take DS to barbers and go and help his DF hang a picture.

The plan agreed at breakfast was he would do those things in the morning and then get back for lunch. Family lunch. I am already getting a bit agitated as I know what happens when he goes to his parents - whatever he is therefore takes longer than he thinks and he gets asked to do other stuff. There is no way he is going to be back at a reasonable lunchtime. I can see my big pot of love soup not being used.

He then proceeds to fuck around get distracted by various "jobs" - doing a computer back up, faffing around with his bike helmet. I know he doesn't get much time during the week to do stuff like this but FFS. I point out (stupid I know) that he really needs to get a move on. He finally takes a shower and gets dressed. He is finally ready to leave at 11.30. He is going to walk into town and back (20mins minimum each way - probably longer with DS). There is no way he will be back for a reasonable lunch time. I ask (albeit really grumpily) if he can go to his parents in the afternoon. He says, in essence, to back off - he will play it by ear - he may be back for lunch he may not. He will call me and let me know. He will work out how stuff is as the time goes. It is his weekend. He is not a child. He needs to have some control and flexibility over the weekend - just like I do. He is pissed off with me. I feel really pissed off and hurt by him.

Oh bugger am I being unreasonable to be royally pissed off and hurt by this? I feel like my soup - and therefore the love that went into making it/planning it - has been thrown in my face. I am being irrational aren't I? But I just want to throw it away. Or is he being a bit of a shit?

Am I a ratty control freak or right to be pissed off. Please help me get some perspective on this.

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 20/10/2012 11:46

erm , just pour a bowl of bloody soup and enjoy it in peace....

yes, you do sound ridiculously controlling...

zombieplanmum · 20/10/2012 11:49

And breathe!

CrunchyCowPat · 20/10/2012 11:49

I'm sorry but YABU, though if you are stressed and pre-mentrual I can do sympathise.
Just have the soup tonight, or tomorrow when he's back from work, as squeaky says, it's just soup.

Acinonyx · 20/10/2012 11:49

This kind of thing often happens in our house - we plan a family weekend meal but have to move it around depending on timekeeping. Just have for dinner or tomorrow. It's just soup - it'll keep (and I say this as a big soup-lover). You do sound controlling. I would want to disrupt the schedule on principle if I were your dh.

oldraver · 20/10/2012 11:50

He is right............. though I do see that as it is your only day together you want to spend some time togther

GhostShip · 20/10/2012 11:50

Don't want to sound patronising but it sounds like PMT. I'm just like this too!

JazzyTheSnowman · 20/10/2012 11:53

Right, so let's put this in Laymans Terms shall we?

You cooked something that you all love and enjoy out of kindness and you wanted everyone to sit down at a reasonable time to eat it, because otherwise it'll go to waste.

He knows what he needs to do today, and yet spends ages dicking about doing shit that, quite frankly, could easily have waited.

I'd be pissed off too, if I'm quite honest. I'd sit down and eat the soup, regardless of whether he's home or not. He should know that dinner is served at and if he's not there he doesn't eat. Simples.

SugariceAndScary · 20/10/2012 11:53

Relax, take some deep breaths and have a coffee and some chocolate

It's just one meal out of how many and it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.

BabylonPI · 20/10/2012 11:54

YABU.

Have the soup for tea?? Or lunch tomorrow. It is his weekend too.

Could you not walk to the barbers with them and spend time together that way?

Maybe go to see the inlaws and score some extra brownie points too?

AFAIK - and I'm no chef- but soup is quite easy to reheat yes?
Not a huuuuge culinary challenge - you've done the hard bit!!!

zombieplanmum · 20/10/2012 11:54

Ghostship, that was very brave of you, you do know that the worst thing to say to someone with PMT is to tell them they have it to be fair though the OP did say so herself.

JazzyTheSnowman · 20/10/2012 11:54

X-posts with a lot of people... oh dear, I sound unreasonable now too don't I?

Fairylea · 20/10/2012 11:55

Freeze the soup and have it later?

HeinousHecate · 20/10/2012 11:57

It's soup. It's the easiest thing in the world to reheat just eat yours and he can have his when he gets back. The soup itself is the nonest of all non issues

And I can say this because I am safely behind my pc screen and you have no idea where I live

However, is the soup really the issue here? I'm sensing some underlying resentment about weekends and inlaws and not getting things done...

qo · 20/10/2012 11:57

It sounds like the soup that broke the camels back to me!

I can get ridiculously upset over small stuff when I'm tired, stressed, emotional whatever - it has to come out somewhere!! I once cried for two hours because we didn't have any clean towels after a particularly hard week at work

Nagoo · 20/10/2012 11:58

it's annoying, the backup computer thing being seen as an 'important job' makes me want to divorce TBH, so I do understand.

But it's true, it's only soup. And as much as you are annoyed, YABU to make a humungous deal out of it. it's just lunch.

HeinousHecate · 20/10/2012 11:58

Soup doesn't go to waste. It goes into little pots and into the freezer. I have a drawful of it. It is impossible to waste soup.

GwendolineScaryLacey · 20/10/2012 11:58

Blimey, freeze the soup...

motherinferior · 20/10/2012 11:59

If I'd cooked something other people usually liked, and they couldn't be arsed to turn up and eat it, I would be pissed off, actually, so I think YANBU.

I do hope you are not planning on cooking anything else again ever for any of them.

StuntGirl · 20/10/2012 12:00

Eat the soup without him. Yabu, sorry!

ENormaSnob · 20/10/2012 12:00

Maybe he hates the soup?

motherinferior · 20/10/2012 12:01

Cooking gets terribly wearing and boring after a while. It is particularly insulting when you've got your act together to cook something nice and nobody wants to eat it.

fraserboysmum · 20/10/2012 12:02

This clearly isn't about the soup !

I'm the same with PMT , the other night i went on and on and on ~ i could hear myself doing it, but was in such a brain fuddle, upset and emotional and tired that i couldn't stop myself ! luckily DH just nods and ' yes dear ' s me until the flow has started and the storm has passed ~ poor bugger !

There'll be other week ends and other vats of soup, so deep breath, have your day regardless of what he's doing ( i know it's irritating when they piss about doing things that aren't that important !) and try to have a lovely evening together xx

Gimblinginthewabe · 20/10/2012 12:03

I can understand why you are annoyed, but you knew that he had things to do today and that when he sees his parents things never go to plan when you made the soup, so maybe your planned timing for eating the soup was unrealistic? Perhaps you could have planned to have the soup for dinner instead of lunch giving him more faffing time? (There is nothing wrong with faffing around on a saturday morning!)

Original poster

FishfingersAreOK · 20/10/2012 12:09

I cannot freeze the soup - currently freezerless as in static caravan whilst house it rebuilt. If we had had a freezer I may gone down the straight in the freezer route
and just remained a bit huffy.

I think I am being largely unreasonable. Thank you for the perspective.

I have called DH - told him to chill out with DS and find lunch in town with him - we will have soup at tea time. I will go to library with DD and have a ladies lunch with her.

And yes there is a (monthly oddly enough )issue with me being frustrated at the lateness that he starts getting stuff done at the weekend. And a (monthly) mardy control freakery that rears it's head.

Anyone got any cures for PMT? Apart from ready meals and tinned soup?

And you are so right - there is nothing wrong with faffing about on a Saturday morning. Especially faffing about on MN

OP posts:

ihearsounds · 20/10/2012 12:10

Erm so he gets little time to tinker with whatever, decides that as not working today (working 6 days) that he is just going to casually drift through the day. Really do not see what the problem is, but then I do this all the time. Including now.
Him and dc will I assume grab some lunch when out or at parents. So now you have dinner made. Done you a favor really, child free? and dinner made. Enjoy a couple of hours of nothing.

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