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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed of with my DH about the soup?

69 replies

FishfingersAreOK · 20/10/2012 11:45

Because I really cannot tell (raging PMT and v emotional). It is such a minor thing. He has to work on Sunday so yesterday I made a big pan of our family favourite soup so we could have it for lunch today.

He knew this and we agreed we have several things we have to do - he has to take DS to barbers and go and help his DF hang a picture.

The plan agreed at breakfast was he would do those things in the morning and then get back for lunch. Family lunch. I am already getting a bit agitated as I know what happens when he goes to his parents - whatever he is therefore takes longer than he thinks and he gets asked to do other stuff. There is no way he is going to be back at a reasonable lunchtime. I can see my big pot of love soup not being used.

He then proceeds to fuck around get distracted by various "jobs" - doing a computer back up, faffing around with his bike helmet. I know he doesn't get much time during the week to do stuff like this but FFS. I point out (stupid I know) that he really needs to get a move on. He finally takes a shower and gets dressed. He is finally ready to leave at 11.30. He is going to walk into town and back (20mins minimum each way - probably longer with DS). There is no way he will be back for a reasonable lunch time. I ask (albeit really grumpily) if he can go to his parents in the afternoon. He says, in essence, to back off - he will play it by ear - he may be back for lunch he may not. He will call me and let me know. He will work out how stuff is as the time goes. It is his weekend. He is not a child. He needs to have some control and flexibility over the weekend - just like I do. He is pissed off with me. I feel really pissed off and hurt by him.

Oh bugger am I being unreasonable to be royally pissed off and hurt by this? I feel like my soup - and therefore the love that went into making it/planning it - has been thrown in my face. I am being irrational aren't I? But I just want to throw it away. Or is he being a bit of a shit?

Am I a ratty control freak or right to be pissed off. Please help me get some perspective on this.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 20/10/2012 12:11

the soup will keep in the fridge for upto 5 days too

Original poster
FishfingersAreOK · 20/10/2012 12:12

And the soup is lush thank you [grabs PMT sized soup ladle to run after ENormaSnob]

OP posts:
motherinferior · 20/10/2012 12:12

When is he next cooking?

CornflowerB · 20/10/2012 12:13

I understand how you feel, but my DH would be very similar. He just doesn't get the 'family meal' thing, whereas to me it used to be very important. I have now more or less given up on it, so sometimes we eat together and sometimes we don't. The thing is that he doesn't care whether we do or not - it is just not on his radar as 'an important thing', like say a computer backup Wink. I think you need to stop connecting food with emotion or love, because clearly he doesn't - too him it is probably just fuel - it certainly is to my DH. It is actually very liberating to allow yourself to let go and channel your energies elsewhere i.e. on yourself!

SilverCharm · 20/10/2012 12:13

Yabu but I totally understand. I LOVE how a pan of soup BECOMES your love!

It has taken on a personality and now is in fact, an extension of you and in rejecting it, he has rejected you! Grin

Original poster
FishfingersAreOK · 20/10/2012 12:15

SilverCharm - you have just made me well up in a PMT blubbery mess. Exactly!

OP posts:
SilverCharm · 20/10/2012 12:17

Go and tuck the pan of soup up on the sofa, give it a hug and a bar of choc. Grin

FangsForBloodyNothing · 20/10/2012 12:18

Aw,fishfingers,you sounds lufferly.

cluelessnchaos · 20/10/2012 12:19

Wow what a refreshing aibu thread, op posts actual question, mnetters reply politely yabu and op accepts and acts on it. Truly amazing. For the record you maybe bu, but I'd be pissed off too

DontmindifIdo · 20/10/2012 12:23

Can I suggest, you pre warn him this time next month that you will not be in a mood to tolerate faffing, so to counter this, you will be leaving the house at 8:30am, returning around 5pm, there will be a 'to do' list for the family, along with the fact that the DCs will need lunch and dinner will need to have at least been thought about by the time you return, but then he doesn't have to worry about you nagging him? Just step away.

MainlyMaynie · 20/10/2012 12:26

I need to know what sort of soup it is before I can judge Grin

PMT in a static caravan in October, you're probably right to be feeling a bit stroppy!

GhostShip · 20/10/2012 12:32

I would like some of this soup to be fair...

honeytea · 20/10/2012 12:34

I think yanbu but then again I'm a horrid girlfriend

I would have said to him he has to cancel going to his parents as he hasn't planned his day with enough time to do that and spend time with you his wife and kids and wife and kids come first.

As I said im not the most reasonable of people but there would be very serious consequences if my dp let me down like that.

JazzyTheSnowman · 20/10/2012 12:38

Just to be clear - what type of soup is it?

NicholasTeakozy · 20/10/2012 12:44

AIBU to be disappointed this isn't a Sharon thread which I was happily anticipating from the thread title?

musicalendorphins · 20/10/2012 12:49

Your love soup reminds me of the love fern in How To Loose A Guy In Ten Days.

I am sorry you had a bad day though. I was an emotional wreak back in my PMS days. I hated that feeling, although once I recognized the feeling as being PMS, I warned people that they may not want risk my wraith.

musicalendorphins · 20/10/2012 12:58
OP, I hope this makes you laugh!
madonnawhore · 20/10/2012 13:02

Lol @ PMT.

YABU but I sympathise. I have done similar and far worse myself!

madonnawhore · 20/10/2012 13:03

And yes. What soup was it? I must know now.

Original poster
FishfingersAreOK · 20/10/2012 13:16

I am currently sitting in a Greek Restaurant with DD (she is reading newly replenished library book stash so feel OK about being on MN...she has her fix of Rainbow Fairies and Unicorn Magic...I have you). Meze ordered. Fizzy drinks bubbling.
DH and DS are still sitting in the barber's apparently...not yet been done. Picture not yet hung.

Thank you everyone...the has turned into a much better day than if I had rushed to do my bits then stropped around at home waiting for soup.

OP posts:
Original poster
FishfingersAreOK · 20/10/2012 13:21

Love the Love Fern. Perfect. Thanks

OP posts:
BigBoobiedBertha · 20/10/2012 13:26

I think you are probably both a bit unreasonable. It isn't 'his' weekend to do as he pleases without reference to the rest of the family, especially when he knows you have something planned - he is part of the family and as much as he has his own stuff to do, so do the rest of you. He has had plenty of 'him' time this morning when he was faffing around.

But at the same time you are being unreasonable to be quite so pissed off about it and should be a bit more flexible too.

I get how these things spiral out of control if nobody is prepared to back off. lt can't be easy livng in a static caravan even if you are building a lovely new home - that probably has some impact too.

Take a deep breath and try and be rational about it. Bloody hard I know with raging PMT but it will be easier for all of you.

BigBoobiedBertha · 20/10/2012 13:27

Cross post. Glad you are feeling better. Smile

Bearcrumble · 20/10/2012 13:42

What sort of soup was it?

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 20/10/2012 13:49

Mmmm soup, I just made soup, romany vegetable......... cos everything that was roaming around in the fridge went in it Grin plus a big handful of barley and split peas. yumm

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