AIBU to stop my 10 yo daughter eating, even though she's not fat (yet)?

[KennethParcell]

From the moment she got in from school she has been eating. Crackers, strawberries, biscuits (she ate more than her share but her brother and I weren't quick enough) also a yoghurt, and a chocolate spread sandwich with two slices of bread! I took the chocolate spread off her and couldn't believe how much of it was gone, i only bought it an hour ago.

I told her spagbol in an hour, so no more eating. the whinging and the whining - you would have thought I had locked her in the chokey for a week with gruel and water. so, i managed to prevent her eating anymore bread/cheese while I cooked, although a few times I had to say 'i said NO!' and shut the cupboard door as she was opening it.......... made the spagbol and dished up and she had seconds, which is FINE, totally fine. Then she was hungry, so i said have some snap peas. her brother and i had the snap peas and I said have a pear then. no, still 'hungry' but not hungry enough for snap peas or a pear but she has devoured two brioches. i'm so cross, all the food i carted back from the supermarket earlier, which was for the whole weekend, she on her own has already depleted a weekend's supply of carbs!!! she will be up before me tomorrow eating whatever she can lay her hands on as well.

aibu to put it to her that she should think about whether or not she is really hungry or not. and that if she is genuinely hungry she wouldn't turn her nose up at snap peas and a pear.... i'm forever telling her that she can't have six slices of bread a day, even brown bread, because of the salt content. i'm worn out with her.

she's ten by the way and although she is not plump she has a sticky out tummy, it's not wobbly, it's kind of like a drum sticking out, four months pregnant!

Something like a flapjack might be better when she comes in, yes it's sugary but would satisfy the sugar craving while oats give you loads of energy. Or something like a couple of slices of wholemeal toast & peanut butter. Something hot like vegetable soup? Maybe review what you have in your cupboards as well, if it's not in she can't eat it. Would she eat dried fruit, nuts, seeds? Calorific but filling. Would she eat fatty fish like mackerel? I made tonight a sort of pilaf (stir fry really) with smoked mackerel (v cheap Sainsbury's basics), wholegrain microwave rice, ginger, garlic, soy sauce, tomato puree, green beans, white cabbage and grated carrot. So tasty and filling.

2 portions of spaghetti bolognese - wheat again Also protein though. A nice balanced meal.

I don't think it's a big concern though - unless she is emotional eating and something is wrong. Maybe do tea earlier & get some more healthy things in - if she will eat them, that is.

I was about 7 stone and 5'2" when I was 12 I think and started my periods.

One thing to be aware of is that fruit can give a sugar hit and then drop, like sweets - I remember this from when I was a kid and one of my brother's friends was only allowed fruit before dinner - the doctor said it wasn't a good plan for his blood sugar, and that he should have something that gives a slow energy release. Maybe things like oats to make porridge, which gives a slow energy release would be good.

I also remember eating a lot at that age - I was 5ft4 by the time I was 11, having grown several inches that school year. If she is due a growth spurt she probably needs lots of protein/ some fat - the fact that she wanted to eat a tin of tuna suggests she needs protein to me, or maybe some of the other vitamins/ minerals in oily fish. Perhaps snacks like making a tuna sandwich when she gets in?

I was thinking along the same lines, roseum - peanut butter sandwich on whole grain bread, tuna and sweetcorn, something like that. It sounds to me like the 'still hungry' messages she's getting might be due to the sugar highs and needing a bit of protein and fat.

The 2 minute microwave porridge is great. Easy and no mess. You even measure the milk out in the bag.

Does she have enough at school?

I remember coming home from school ravenous sometimes and feel like you've never been so hungry.

just to add early periods are as genetic as they are weight related but it may have skipped a generation/few generations.

my GGM started at 9 yrs old
my GM started at 14
my Mum started at 13
Me 10 yrs
sis 9 years,

might it be in your family somewhere, my GGM certainly had no weight issues. (late 1910's early 20's)

Wow YerMaw19989, that's very interesting, how do you know the family details?

My weight didn't reach 7 1/2 stone until I turned 33.

I was about 13 when I started my periods.

Agree with the porridge idea, or maybe smoothies? DD likes making smoothies and at least it takes time before she consumes them.

She is probalby just on a growth spurt.

I was 13 when I started my periods. DD was 12.

Not smoothies I'm afraid, that's worse than having the whole fruit for fructose hit. High in calories and fibre taken out which makes it harder for the body to process.

If she is really drinking that little and eating that much low fibre, do watch that that sticking out stomach isn't brewing a nasty case of constipation.

came back to see others responses, my DD1 is just 11 and weighs less rhan 4 stone. She is getting some spots and has definite grumpy/weepy days. I started my periods a couple of weeks before I was 14 too and I weighed just under 6 stone. Im not expecting DD to start for at least a couple of years though. She drinks plenty and has good energy levels but is just a hungry horace .
Try not to worry too much if you are doing all the right things.

Well, thanks for all the advice everybody. She had a cup of tea this morning. Weak tea with milk, but at least it's a drink. Nothing else... maybe she's still full from yesterday!? If she gets the dinosaur munchies later it'll be "well we have porridge and we have bananas,which would you like?'. home made chicken korma for dinner tonight.

I had been 7 and a half stone for a good while before I got my period I think. I'd say I was about 8 stone 4 when I got my period. Just before 14th brithday. So, the patterm is daughters getting them a full year before their mothers? is that right?

You're probably not going to be able to predict when she's going to get her periods, just make sure you've had the talk with her so she's prepared when it does happen.

And growth spurt or not I would not be allowing her to just help herself to so much food like that. She should be asking before she takes, and being punished if she ignores you.

You could offer her a choice of healthy, filling snacks when she gets in from school. If she's not hungry enough to eat them then she's not really hungry and can wait til dinner.

I would also take her to the doctors just to rule out anything serious too.

Definitely not smoothies! They are a very high GI food, and crammed with sugar. For a filling, nutritious snack, I'd switch to peanut butter on crisp bread or oat biscuit, whole nuts and seeds, small cubes of cheese or veg and humous filled mini pita. I believe that savoury snacks with a judicious amount of fat are much more satisfying for a longer period than sugar based snacks, and better for the hormonal system.

In terms of earlier onset of puberty/menarche, the "experts" don't have any well proven explanations. Surely better nutrition and lower incidence of disease contribute, but so do other factors like the constant low level exposure of our children to immune disrupters (growth hormones in meat, hormones in milk, flame retardation chemicals in clothing, etc).

Not in my case - my mother started at 10, I was 14.5. My DD is 14.5, and still not had a period yet.

"She should be asking before she takes, and being punished if she ignores you."

I have seen this line of thinking very often here, and have found it disturbing. I recall several people even calling a child "taking" food from their own kitchen without asking as "stealing". Perhaps I am just lax, but I think that it is far more important for children to learn to self-regulate and learn the difference between true hunger and cravings are than to limit access to food. I say this from the persepective of growing up with was access to snacks (even junk) and a family without any weight issues, so it might be naive and distorted. Still, to call the act of a child eating food without asking as stealing, that is just strange to me.

meant open access to food, not "with was access..."

What about doing the little and often rule - so when she gets in from school she has to have a drink and then has scrambled egg on toast, porridge, soup and a roll etc. and then maybe a yoghurt. Then at dinner she has a slightly smaller portion? That way she shouldn't still be hungry and you can see whether the eating continuously was due to hunger, needing something substantial, thirst, boredom etc? It also removes the idea of a "snack" and she will understand that she eats a "meal" and then thats it rather than being able to use "Im hungry" to have more snacks. This way you can also ensure that shes getting a balanced diet and isnt eating loads of sugary/carb heavy stuff.

It's not as cut and dried as 7.5 stone = periods starting but over nourished girls do tend to start their periods earlier.

I didn't call it stealing, I don't think it is. I do think they should ask before rummaging through the cupboards, as OP has said her daughter has eaten a weekends worth of snacks she'd bought in one evening. Maybe you can absorb that kind of cost but I couldn't, so yes I would want my children to ask first. As an adult I have the restraint not to eat half a tub of something in one go, children don't always show such restraint.

The punishment is for disobedience, not for eating per se.

What are her portion sizes like for her main meals? She should be having a normal adult's amount. My ds, age 8, does and he is skinny, ad our potions are on the large side! The amount they serve at school dinners wouldn't fill him if that was his only main meal of the day.

Stunt girl - sorry, did did not mean to imply that you thought it was stealing, just that on other threads people have called it stealing and that I was bemused by this not-uncommon attitude.

I don't think weight is the trigger for periods. I am 5foot and weigh about eight stone but at 11 I was probably 4.8foot and about 5 stone.
How much does your DD eat for her other meals? It sounds like she's craving sugar so maybe increase her breakfast and lunch.

I got my first period aged just 12 - I was probably about 11 stone and 5'8"

DD got her first period aged just 12 and was probably about 7 stone and barely 5'

There is an interesting article in the Novembewr issue of Easy Living about a woman who put her 7yo on a diet.

I am still wondering what your DD eats for lunch - is it filling enough?