To think I own my mother?

[MichaelaS]

I took a nap this afternoon and when I woke up my mother was a whole 2 feet away from me. She is supposed to be with me AT ALL TIMES. She muttered something selfish about putting washing away, but to be honest it was so ridiculous that I just let rip with my highest pitched "I am in incredible pain take me straight to A&E now or maybe I'm just upset" scream.

She seems to think its ok to put me down to play for 5 minutes whilst she goes for a wee too. Why can't I go with her? And honestly, all this needing to eat. She is only good for making milk and sleeping on and she only let's me do that for 23 hours a day.

AIBU?

Ps I am 6 months old and very good with her iPhone

No, no, no! (My favourite word!) I am 3 and you have to strategically plan things! Lull your DM into a false sense of security in thinking all babies are serene and calm like me, then she will eventually give you a little brother or sister, though not sure how it happens??

Anyway, you now have a team mate!! This morning I have sucessfully scoffed 3 cadbury creme eggs hidden in the top bit of the fridge, by my DB distracting her by putting a whole loo roll down the loo. I would have saved him one but mummy says too much sugar is bad for your teeth, so I was considerate.

YANBU!

Here's tip for making mummy hold you all morning even though she's trying to get dressed to go to work...fall over, cry, and look up at her with a mouth brimming full of blood (tastes funny but worth it for the effect!)

After lots of hugs and singing and kisses you then get to be carried around as long as you like just by making a little wimper whenever she goes to put you down.

But my mummy is mean and gave me away to Granny despite me screaming hysterically . I'm getting my own back though by being really sweet and good for Granny, including two huge naps so I'll have more energy to keep mummy awake tonight as usual

Even better, tomorrow is Saturday so I'll try really hard not to sleep well or nap in the day, despite doing it perfectly in the week.

Pffft, I can see you lot need some lessons!

Little Golden here, let me tell you how to really lay on the guilt, I am three, so am a master at this:

When you are being taken to the child care people/place, you need to reason with your Mum, tell her she has to stay home with you, and when she explains that she has to go to work to get some pennies, just tell her, dead matter of fact, that you have plenty in your piggy bank and Dad even has paper pennies in his wallet. She will be lost for words and go bright red, I promise.

Babywonder here (I'm 2 but mummy says I can be baby forever)
Not sleeping is good act all tired and mummy will try to get you to sleep by cuddling you and taking out for walks and stuff - then when she has given up - she gets a bit grumpy later - then try to sleep - when on way to pick up big sister is good - then you don't miss out on anything fun and you get to stay up late too.
Learning to climb is super cool - once you can climb out of your cot they can't trap you in it any more.

A very useful habit to get into is to take a firm handful of mummy's hair or teeshirt when she is trying to rock you to sleep - makes putting you down without waking you up almost impossible.

Mini MrFables here, may I recommend being a wonderful sleeper until you get to 2.6yrs when you can suddenly wake up screaming and demand to go to sleep in her bed.

As she works and it takes you 3-4 hours to go back to sleep in your own bed, you'll have her caving in very quickly to prevent sleep deprivation. They'll do anything to avoid that. Ha!!

When questioned about the reason for the screaming, smile sweetly and say "I wanted you Mummy", thus making her putty in your hands as she tries desperately to figure out the cause of said screaming.

The dark? No
A pain? No
Loss of teddy? No
Dislike of big-boy-bed? No
Nightmares? No
Too hot/ cold? No
Evil-genius-like plot to drive Mummy round the bend? Possibly!

Answers to Mummy on a postcard please

Oh pah! you little babies don't know the half of it I am 3 almost 4 and she FORCES me to be away from her for 3.5 hours a DAY at something called school - it is evil

I get my revenge by screaming like a banshee every time she tries to leave and spending the afternoon drawing on her favorite things!

YA all totally NBU.
My milk-provider thinks its acceptable to slither out of the sling the instant my eyes are closed and leave me in it on the floor. She thinks I don't notice. She will soon learn .

MissQueen - you are a genius.

A word of warning, if you're laying on the guilt trip never, EVER utter the words "I hate myself." Instead of a row, or guilt laden hugs you will get an afternoon of "motivational" chats and won't be allowed on the PC or XBox as instead you will all be spending something called "quality time together" walking round a muddy forest. I learned that the hard way.

Today I, baby wonder have out done myself - I totally refused to sleep at home, dispite being really tired (up half the night). So mummy sat on mumsnet cuddling me for ages and go nothing done, even though she had taken me to toddlers to tire me out. I barely ate anything - because that drives her mental - told her how milk and water and squash are all yuck - I'm holding out for proper fruit juice. Then, even though it was chucking it down with rain I slept in my buggy all the way to and from school to get big sis - reckon I'll be able to stay awake way past mummies bedtime tonight - she won't get any marking done - that'll teach her for going out to work. I've also been telling her how I'm fed up with her and want my Nanna. Nanna feeds me all sorts of things mummy won't give me, fruitshoots and everything.

Well, little tadpole (me) and middle tadpole discovered a new one today, we may be only 4 and 7 but we have it sussed. Mummy has eventually learned to send me back to bed when I wake her up to put the light on for me to go and wee at "stupid o'clock in the morning" whatever time that is.

She has managed to endure both of us climbing into bed with her, the cold hand treatment, the cold foot treatment, the blast of cold air under the duvet treatment and even the wet cat in the bed with us treatment. She really is a tough one. However, this morning we discovered that if you crawl under the bed and push the mattress up with your feet, after the above treatments, she will indeed give us breakfast before 7.

Be warned though, do not attempt this kind of behaviour with Mummy's friends. Especially not throwing soil at people who came to help Mummy in the garden. it very quickly stops all fun opportunities.

I think you're missing a trick focussing on just a single minion. I personally find it takes at least 2 often 3 minions to service my every whim. There's the milk minion (aka mummy), the transport minion (aka daddy) and the entertainment minion (aka nanna).

Sometimes they mistakenly think they can sneak off and leave me with just one of them but a bit of screaming soon sorts that out.

I have a good way of making sure mommy gives me lots of milk.

We live in a Muslim country and mommy says she is not that comfortable exposing her breast when out in public, I don't know why. Who care if people look at her breast - at least her shoulders and knees are covered.
Anyway, she always feeds me before we go out, and hopes I will stay full until we get back. But, whenever she stops for a coffee or we sit down somewhere, I fuss until she feeds me again. she rearranges blankets and scarves ( she even puts a scarf OVER my head!) before she pulls her breast out. I fuss some more and whip the scarf off so people can see her breast. I am only four months, so am not that fast, but I am getting better all the time.

Sometimes we don't go out all day and she stays home and gives me lots and lots of milk. She is learning!
Little alligator

I'm with Tryingtobenice. I read you have a brother now is the time to start training him.

When you hit 3 like me - older siblings can be so trained to give you their desert then cry to mummy that they?ve given it to you and can they have more. They can give you things Mummy foolishly has says not to like extra dessert, you can work as a team to get out of reach objects like deserts and or send them to provide a distraction while you do stuff mummy doesn?t want like get to the fruit or cakes or yogurts by moving furniture if necessary.

Then you don't have to eat the meals mummy provides.

If you can?t make it to mummy?s bed then it gives you more people?s bed to invade and push them out till they fall out or nearly do so.

You can also work to break mummy together taking it in turns to have tantrums one after the other till mummy gives in feeds you what ever and puts you in front of the TV.

Alligatorepie in all seriousness, what do other Muslim mums do?

Bored of being stuffed into the supermarket trolley seat? Announce you need a wee wee. After a panicked dash to the toilets, mummy will try to get you back in the detested trolley. Top tip: if you lock your legs and kick, the trolley will go scooting away in any direction you choose and mummy will get more red-faced and puffy as she tries to force you in.
For bonus points, do this in full view of everyone queueing at the checkouts.

BabyTruth checking in to tell you the best trick. When you are bigger you will get strong enough to pull the duvet off mummy. This is important for two reasons. 1) it gives you easy access to milk. Yum. 2) mummy gets cold & gives up trying to go back to sleep (Gah! Who even needs more than three hours sleep a night?) she will therefore take you downstairs really early and you can watch tv while she snoozes on sofa or bang on the window screaming until passersby pay attention.

Ohforducksake - it depends. Some women put the baby under their abaya if they wear one, others use a big hood thing, and some use multiple scarves like me.
But a lot of women stay home and nurse or bottle feed.
I have never had anyone say anything to be, and I try to be as discreet as I can, but there are still people looking ( but then as a foreigner, I am used to getting looked at here)

The Kitten here and I'm 8 years old. Over the years I have employed a variety of tactics to torture Mummy with during the toddler years my favourite was to go off to nursery as happy as larry and then cry and scream saying I didn't want to go home when she came to collect me.
Now Mummy is a lone cat I take great satisfaction in comparing her feeble efforts to those of Daddy's OW and then when she tries to enforce her draconian rules like being in bed by 7.45pm I scream at her "you are the worst Mummy in the entire world" storm of slamming doors. I have to admire her though because despite throwing some pretty poisonous comments in her direction she stands firm on her rules,
I am currently working on my teenage style sulk which is improving slowly whenever I don't get my own way with her. To be really successful you have to make Mummy cry I think I managed it once though I am not certain as she went and sat in her bedroom alone for a while so I didn't see the actual tears.

I've just borrowed my neighbour Sally's phone while she's making mummy some tea.
Mummy asked her if she could hear me screaming when I wake in the night. Sally smiled and said it wasn't really a problem but I'm not sure she really meant it.
I think tonight I will try throwing a few toys at the party wall.