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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP, A festival and Facebook photos

42 replies

NikitaM · 18/10/2012 15:42

Back in August, DP went to a festival with a mate from work. DP is 41, the mate is early 20s.

I'm off work sick and bored and was just nosying at DPs facebook and noticed one of his female friends has a pic of him as her profile pic. So I clicked on her profile and she has tons of pictures of DP from this festival. Pics of him and this other bloke with 3 young women looking all drunk/cuddly/cosy with one another. There is one pic inparticular of DP sat head touchingly close with a woman smoking Sheesha.

Looking further into it, all 3 women have photos of DP in their albums and all are tagged but do not appear on his profile page - so he's hidden them, why?

He did act a bit odd with me during and immediately after the festival and I'm starting to wonder if something happened there.

OP posts:
monkeysbignuts · 18/10/2012 15:44

oh dear, I would be fuming and you should approach him over it. wtf is another woman doing with your Dh pic as her profile picture!

FunBagFreddie · 18/10/2012 15:45

Did you go to the festival too?

ErikNorseman · 18/10/2012 15:46

Hmmmmmm
bit sus. Ask him?

HauntedLittleLunatic · 18/10/2012 15:47

I agree. I would be worried about what happened but also what is happening now for the woman to still have him as her profile pic.

Is he THE profile pic or just in the profile pic. That makes a bit of a difference to current situation I think (although does not affect what may or may not have happened whilst there)

mutny · 18/10/2012 15:48

If something happened would she be dumb enough to have him as a profile pic?

Honestly I would feel like you. I am just trying to be objective. Maybe he has cheated or maybe he knows the pictures could upset you (although it was purely platonic) so hid them. Which makes him an idiot but not a bastard.

Do you know these girls? Did you know they were going?

wineandroses · 18/10/2012 15:49

Hmm, that doesn't look good does it? Definitely needs a conversation. Also, I find it a bit odd that a 41 year old man is going to festivals with a friend in his 20s. Is he re-living his youth? I hasten to add that 41 isn't old, but still, if he wants to do festivals at his age, why isn't he taking you instead?

Original poster
NikitaM · 18/10/2012 15:49

No I didn't go to the festival. The profile pic is of him and the other bloke and her, not just DP but the fact that he was in it made me check her profile out.

If I ask him, he'll know I've been 'stalking' his friends! There are no "dodgy" pics as such but why would he hide them?

There is also a pic of a tent with a woman's name and Dp's name tagged on it. Can't work out if DP is tagged in the same tent or the one next to it though.

OP posts:
LadyFlumpalot · 18/10/2012 15:49

Ask him before you go in guns blazing.

I have my privacy set up on Facebook so that if I am tagged in a picture it doesn't show on my wall, or in "pictures of". You can also set it so that you have to give permission.

I agree that it's a bit weird that another woman (do you know her?) has a picture of your DP as HER profile picture.

rebecca87 · 18/10/2012 15:50

Ok without jumping to conclusions (I'm one to talk as I don't trust anyone) it could be "harmless" flirting and he didn't want you to see in case you got upset and thought there was something more to it? I would not be happy about it and would be fuming about some other woman having him as a profile photo. Sorry not much help I'm afraid as I would most likely jump to conclusions me being me.

Original poster
NikitaM · 18/10/2012 15:51

We'd only been together a couple of months before the festival and I had a holiday booked at the same time so couldn't go. I don't know the girls and looking at their profile pics, they live miles away from us so could be that they all met there.
I'm annoyed too that he's always telling me I can't tag him in anything on Facebook yet these girls certainly have!

OP posts:
mutny · 18/10/2012 15:52

so what if he knows. They are public pages. Just tell him what you said here. You were bored.

Its not like you hacked his account is it?

rebecca87 · 18/10/2012 15:52

Why aren't you allowed to tag him?

ENormaSnob · 18/10/2012 15:53

I would be furious. And very suspicious.

Original poster
NikitaM · 18/10/2012 15:53

Not allowed to tag him as his kids have only just found out that we're together and he wants to do it all properly and not have it plastered over Facebook (apparently)

OP posts:
FunBagFreddie · 18/10/2012 15:54

I don't think it's odd to have profile pictures of yourself with friends/mates etc.

The main issue is that you don't trust your husband imho, and only you can really say if that's justified.

WorraLiberty · 18/10/2012 15:55

No I didn't go to the festival. The profile pic is of him and the other bloke and her, not just DP but the fact that he was in it made me check her profile out

Well that's completely different.from 'having a pic of him as her profile pic', isn't it?

Lots of people have other people as well as themselves in their profile pics so it's not that odd.

Photos can be misleading and it's easy to read things into them that aren't there. I'm sure if anything untoward had happened, he would have had the good sense to block her completely if she's got an album with 'evidence' in it.

rebecca87 · 18/10/2012 15:55

Sorry but if they already know your together then it shouldn't be an issue (as long as there's not 1000's photo being plastered on there of the pair of you)?

mutny · 18/10/2012 15:55

are you the poster that was asking if ywbu because he wouldn't let you tag him. Did you post about this a week or so ago (maybe a bit more)

FunBagFreddie · 18/10/2012 15:55

Partner - sorry!

Original poster
NikitaM · 18/10/2012 15:56

I just wish there was someway of finding out if it's just me blocked from the photos or all of his friends.

OP posts:
FiercePanda · 18/10/2012 15:58

Have you posted before about not being allowed to tag him or mention him at all on Facebook? I'm sure there was a post not too long ago about something similar.

Anyway, I'd be feeling suspicious too. You've got to ask him why other women are "allowed" to tag him (especially the tent one - I'd be very suspicious about that) and yet he won't extend the same courtesy to you.

Original poster
NikitaM · 18/10/2012 16:00

See his justification for me not being allowed to tag him was that he doesn't let anyone tag him in photos - which is obviously a lie isn't it because here these photos exist, they just don't show in his profile. So are they hidden from ME or hidden in general?

OP posts:
mutny · 18/10/2012 16:01

it could be that as you are in a relationship he doesn't want tagging as it will raise questions with his kids. If they tag him its just someone he met. Nit someone he is planning on introducing as his gf at some point. Or as he doesn't know them that well he hasn't told them not to or feels uncomfortable telling someone he doesn't really know not to tag him.
Maybe? Could be!

mutny · 18/10/2012 16:02

Are you the person that posted about this before?

FiercePanda · 18/10/2012 16:03

Well, if other people can tag him it doesn't sound like they're hidden from them, otherwise they wouldn't be able to select him to be tagged iyswim. So it sounds like he's hidden them from you.

Facebook can be incredibly petty and can cause all kinds of arguments over the stupidest of things, but you need to talk to your DP and find out exactly what his problem is with you being "known" to his family and friends, as well as his closeness to the woman in the pictures (the tent-tag would be ringing all kinds of alarm bells - why tag the tent unless it was "his" tent too?).