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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DP, A festival and Facebook photos

42 replies

NikitaM · 18/10/2012 15:42

Back in August, DP went to a festival with a mate from work. DP is 41, the mate is early 20s.

I'm off work sick and bored and was just nosying at DPs facebook and noticed one of his female friends has a pic of him as her profile pic. So I clicked on her profile and she has tons of pictures of DP from this festival. Pics of him and this other bloke with 3 young women looking all drunk/cuddly/cosy with one another. There is one pic inparticular of DP sat head touchingly close with a woman smoking Sheesha.

Looking further into it, all 3 women have photos of DP in their albums and all are tagged but do not appear on his profile page - so he's hidden them, why?

He did act a bit odd with me during and immediately after the festival and I'm starting to wonder if something happened there.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 18/10/2012 16:04

If he has his settings set to 'approve tags before posting', then the reason they're not on his wall may be because he hasn't approved them.

However, he may still show as 'tagged' in her album because she has tagged him...he just hasn't approved it for publishing if that makes sense?

izzywizzyisbizzy · 18/10/2012 16:05

My dh and sister went to a festival - there are loads of photos of them - looking v cosy - thats photos.

You are being OTT especially as you "couldn't" go rather than weren't invited.

He prob has timeline review and hasn't approved them so they aren't showing on his wall - if there are other things that make your alarm bells ring listen to them.

izzywizzyisbizzy · 18/10/2012 16:06

And tagging the tent means sod all

lionheart · 18/10/2012 16:19

mutny, I thought I'd read this before too.

Original poster

NikitaM · 18/10/2012 16:22

Yes I posted about it before.

It's all getting to me a bit. See, last weekend we went out and had a picture taken together in a nightclub (you know the ones that appear on facebook from the venues own profile). He saw it and said it was lovely - yet I can't tag us in it. It's odd.

I spoke to him about it (before this festival thing came up) and he said it's just that he doesn't want it plastered all over Facebook in a way that his kids will see - but they know about me anyway!! So what difference does it make?

OP posts:

mutny · 18/10/2012 16:25

Ok since the OP doesn't seem to want to answer if she has posted about this. I am going to give an answer as thought she is, as I think she is.
OP if you are this person, I believe that the reason you don't want to confront him is that you were shopping and looking for something. I suspect there has already been a conversation/ argument about this, so bringing it up again will be suspect.
OP you are only going to find these things out be asking him or hacking his fb.

Hacking his fb is stalkerish behaviour. You Clearly don't trust him. Is this the basis of a good relationship?

lionheart · 18/10/2012 16:26

Did you ask him that question?

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 18/10/2012 16:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mutny · 18/10/2012 16:27

Ok so my post stands.

Tbh if my girlfriend of 3 months kept getting droopy about fb and then spent the day trawling my fb page, then I would pissed off.

Don't snoop unless you are prepared to confront your dp.

izzywizzyisbizzy · 18/10/2012 16:33

Probably he doesn't want his kids to see pictures of him with girlfriends - good for him - this is different to pictures Of him with "just friends" which suggests to me he has nothing to hide.

You sound paranoid and like you have jealousy issues - if he is 41 my guess is you are younger.

Either way you are going to drive him away soon. You haven't been together long I'm not surprised he doesn't want pictures of you together plastered all over fb.

Original poster

NikitaM · 18/10/2012 16:34

So why hide the pictures then Izzy?

OP posts:

MadBanners · 18/10/2012 17:02

I have tag approval turned on on my profile, also I have posts that are made by others on my profile visible only to me, I have nothing to hide, I am not purposely "hiding" things from my dh, it is just the way i have it set up!

I imagine he is the same, not hiding them from you, just it is a one click security setting, to have tag approval and posts by others visible only to you!

You cannot stop ppl tagging you in pictures i believe, but you can stop them appearing, and at least set it so they need to be approved!

izzywizzyisbizzy · 18/10/2012 17:24

Possibly he has profile review on so he hasn't "hidden" them??

Possibly because he expected this reaction and being 41 and only with you 2 months he couldn't be arsed with the drama??

Or maybe he is up to no good.

But tbh at 41 at a festival - I doubt it's the latter.

pushitreallgood · 18/10/2012 17:33

i thought you had been together for ages from the tone of your op. if you cant ask him if he has been shagging around at a festival 3 months in time to move on.

MadBanners · 18/10/2012 17:36

And why have I only just noticed I have answered the same question on the other thread you have posted about this issue!

Is the tagging issue the only reason you are not trusting him, because in all honesty, you have not been together that long, and you sound like hard work!

I don't want pictures of me all over facebook, which is why I have the tag approval turned on, it also stops me being tagged into places which I hate, I have nothing to hide, I just don't want it all over the place! Dh does not think I am having an affair.

RillaBlythe · 18/10/2012 17:37

This thread plus last weeks thread - I think you need to leave Facebook, it clearly is not making you happy!

waterrat · 18/10/2012 20:22

I think you need to look at the bigger picture of why you are so anxious that he would cheat on you - if you really think that, why are you with him? You haven't been together long, his reasons for not wanting to be tagged are completely reasonable - and you are totally overthinking the facebook thing. Look - either you trust your partner or you don't. Get to know him and see how you feel, don't go mad trying to analyse every little thing.

I would recommend looking at yourself - have you always been anxious about being cheated on? Is it something that stems from your own family life? get therapy, sort it out and forget facebook!

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