Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to have sobbed my heart out at work today because I shouldn't have to do this

484 replies

caniscantanymore · 17/10/2012 20:53

I'm a vet. Some details changed or omitted for anonymity purposes and because I'll get flamed for this.

Today a man brought his dog in to me.

The dog was a large, boisterous adolescent puppy. He hurtled into the room, bouncing up to me excitedly, wagging his tail all the time and nudging at my hand with his muzzle. His big squishy paws crashed against my chest each time he paused to greet me, as he bounded around the room investigating all the smells. He was an unusual cross, very striking to look at and obviously a bright and energetic dog. He was adorable.

The history went like this:

The dog had been bought as a tiny puppy by a couple who were told it was a "designer" cross between two specific small breeds. Now, if the people who bought this puppy had had the slightest inkling about what they were doing it would have been immediately obvious to them that this was most certainly not a cross between two small breeds. But anyway, they didn't have a clue so they bought the cute little puppy from this dubious source (probably at a cost of several hundred pounds) and took it back to their family home, complete with toddler.

The dog grew a bit and it became clear that it was actually going to be really big. It was bouncy, energetic and destructive. It kept racing around and knocking over their small child. So they rehomed it to a family member.

The family member also had children but they were slightly bigger children. The family member really wanted to do the right thing, so they tried to "discipline" the dog. The dog began to show occasional signs of aggression and was completely hyperactive in the home, destructive and unmanageable. I was not surprised to hear this, since it was obvious to me from this dog's heritage that it was the sort of dog which had significant needs in terms of exercise and stimulation. In an attempt to magically resolve the issues the family member had the dog neutered. Which unsurprisingly made no difference.

Today the dog was brought in to be put to sleep. It had growled very aggressively when a child had put its face near his, and between this and an imminent change in circumstances the family member felt unable to manage the dog any more. He had tried local and national rescue organisations, all of which were full. He had nobody to care for the dog overnight tonight. He was not able to take the dog home, partly because of safety concerns and partly because the decision had been taken together as a family that it was the right thing to do.

So I put this healthy, affectionate, vibrant dog to sleep while it munched on treats and the third owner in its short life cried into his fur. Then when it was just me and the body of this poor puppy I had a good old cry myself.

I know there will be people who think I was right to put down a dog who has shown any signs of aggression under any circumstances. I disagree.

I know there will be people who think I was wrong to put down a dog when I could have taken it and found it a new home. I disagree.

I also know that there will be many many people who have no idea that this is happening all the time in this country because of irresponsible ignorant greedy people, selling dogs to irresponsible ignorant feckless people, who then pass them on to naive and thoughtless "rescuers" who eventually get to the end of their tether and bring them to me for euthanasia. All the time.

These are the dogs who bite children in the home due to a total lack of knowledge, reasonable expectations and effort to socialise them adequately.

These are the dogs whose owners can afford four figure sums to buy the latest random mongrel "breed" with a stupid made-up name, but cannot afford fifty quid to get it vaccinated, far less any money at all to treat even minor illnesses.

These are the dogs who clog up rescue centres all over the country, waiting along with thousands and thousands of others for the home with no children, no other pets and eight-foot fences, with an owner who has experience of managing behavioural problems, works from home, has stainless steel furniture and can write blank cheques to pay for the inherited illnesses the dog suffers from. Homes which don't actually exist.

These are the dogs who I have to put down because I know that it is more responsible of me to painlessly take their life than to condemn them to wait with the rest of the enormous population of "difficult" dogs sitting in rescue kennels all over the country.

Please, please, I implore you. Get advice before you take on a dog - from a vet, a qualified positive behaviourist, the Kennel Club, the Blue Cross, the Dog's Trust, the RSPCA - the information is there for the taking, there is no excuse. Go to a decent breeder, who has a waiting list, or a rescue centre which really grills you thoroughly before matching you with a pet. Find out how to bring your puppies up properly so if you do find your circumstances change then at least they are rehomable. Make sure you can afford to pay for the unexpected. Make sure your expectations are fair.

Please, because I can't keep having to do this :(

OP posts:
JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 18/10/2012 10:11

I do things, as do many others in the dog world. I do emergency fostering, have rescued and help raise funds for UKGSD. I also try to tell as many people as possible about responsible dog ownership, it often falls on deaf ears, because people often have the 'it wont happen to me' attitude. Sad

A cute little puppy is one thing, the reality of a big bouncy adolescent dog is another. And that is when most dogs get rehomed/PTS because they have gone from cute and naughty behaviour is sweet and then its not when they nip your toddler/child because they have had little or no training.

It makes my blood boil.

Flatbread · 18/10/2012 10:13

LTDallas, I foster short-term in France, it gives us a breathing space to find another home.

I also work to take dogs and cats to different parts of our region where we have a network of foster homes.

I cannot do it in the UK as we spend much less time there. But I contribute every month to two dog charities in Scotland and I know that they have space for dogs.

But this is not a thread about me, although I am sure you would love to make it one, as you seem to be very interested in my life.

soverylucky · 18/10/2012 10:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QuietTiger · 18/10/2012 10:21

OP - I'm not going to flame you in the slightest. Quite apart from the fact I work with rescue and see this same senario day in and day out like you - not enough rescue spaces, not enough adoptive homes, animals given up or dumped for stupid, stupid spurious reasons, I'm also going to tell you this...

IF YOU WERE MY VET, MY ANIMALS WOULD BE BLOODY LUCKY

"Compassion" (along with competence, LOL!) is the biggest quality I (personally) look for in a vet and you have it in spades. Any animal you treat is lucky to have you as their vet - through their life and at the end of their life.

I don't know what the answer is, I really don't. While there are complete morons out there doing what they are doing and treating animals as material disposable fashion objects, instead of sentient, feeling beings who deserve a loving home for life, people like vets, vet nurses and rescues will have to pick up the pieces.

I feel for you OP.

higgle · 18/10/2012 10:27

I felt so sad when I read this thread. Part of the problem is that we all seem to have to work full time these days and that makes dog owning impossible for many people. I have had a dog ( sometimes two) for over 30 years. This was possible because at times I've lived very close to where I worked, I've had children and a nanny at home, had jobs that involved working partly from home or had a student child in residence.

Our last dog, a lovely but ancient rescue Staffy died in June - after our dear vet made heroic efforts to keep him with us for as long as possible. I reckon I have the skills to take on a dog like the one in this post and give him a good life - he wouldn't meet any children at all and we hardly ever meet other dogs out on walks around here. The problem is I can't - I'm a 9-5 wage slave with heavy financial committments that mean I can't afford doggy day care. I obviously couldn't make a really good job of keeping a boisterous young dog even with part time work, but I could take an older one and free up a space.

The present economic situation with loads of rented accommodation where dogs are not allowed and long working hours is not friendly to dogs. I also get the feeling that for many families a dog has to be perfectly behaved to be tolerated. I remember as a child there were dogs we had that were a bit snappy, or a bit destructive and our neighbour's dog did bite my brother's naose once, but there seemed to be a lot more give and take and understanding of doggy temprament, and never serious consideration of a dog being put down or re-homed.

LtEveDallas · 18/10/2012 10:28

"as you seem to be very interested in my life"

Not interested Flatbread, just making sure people know the background and help them to understand why you feel it necessary to join threads simply to post an opposing (and quite often nasty) view.

I am surprised that a Rescue would let you foster dogs knowing you have 2 (or is it 3 now?) that are not neutered? I suppose the rules must be more slack in France.

Sonnet · 18/10/2012 10:29

I am so sorry that you have had to go through this - and you keep having to do so. If your moving post makes only one person think then it is a step int he right direction.

My family wouldl love a dog - My DH & I were brought up with dogs. We have the resources and the cash for a dog BUT we lack time and are both out at work (me only 4 days but still). We all leave early (7.30) and both DH and I REFUSE to leave a dog alone all day. So dogless we will remain umtil we retire.

milli2512 · 18/10/2012 10:31

As a dog lover this made me sob. So so sad. Makes me mad that people enter in to dog ownership without fully researching breeds etc. Poor poor puppy.

juneau · 18/10/2012 10:33

My sister used to work as a veterinary nurse. She did it for four years and was so heart-broken by stories like this that she quit, retrained and is now a dental nurse. I know this happens to dogs and to cats - they are euthanised for all kinds of reasons. My sister had to assist in cases where the owners were going on holiday and didn't want to pay for kennels/cattery so had their pet put to sleep instead Sad

Flatbread · 18/10/2012 10:34

I don't think there is any one simple solution to the problem.

At the core of the matter, dogs have become a profit-making industry. There are people who profit from their birth, their death and every other stage in-between. That leaves dogs vulnerable to abuse from many sources, not just owners. Breeders, vets, dog-shows, dog-food manufactures all have an incentive to promote stuff that is not necessarily in the interest of dogs.

The solution will probably require oversight at all of these levels. With regard to the discussion based on the OP, yes, it should not be easy to own a dog. But at the same time, it should not be so easy to kill a young, healthy dog either.

geegee888 · 18/10/2012 10:35

Never become an owner of any animal until you can fulfil all of its requirements, physically and mentally, for the rest of its life!

What a good point. But sadly how often do we see threads on here about people getting rid of their pets because they are thinking of having children?

There seems to be total indulgence of whether to get a pet or not, with no regard to training or long term future. I really do think some people make no attempt at all to train their dogs, but even if they have no experience, if they made the effort to read up about it or go along to a club, it could be done. I often wonder what would happen if when out on my horse, I let him out behave totally out of control, bounding up to people licking their faces while I let him, saying "hes only being friendly"!

theodorakis · 18/10/2012 10:36

Sonnet, being at work isn't necessarily a huge problem for an older dog. Mine sleep from the second I leave the house to the second I get home. Retired Greyhounds are especially lazy. I think you should rethink. It isn't irresponsible if you find the right dog. I feel sad that families who would love a dog (and of course all families should have one!) think one small factor means not getting one. You sound like you would be fab owners!

FiveHoursSleep · 18/10/2012 10:37

I'm a vet too and no longer work in a practice because I've got sick of having to clear up stupid people's problems that could have been so easily prevented. It got to the point where it just made me too angry.

FWIW I do believe that there are far worse fates than a quick painless death for someof these dogs, and that you probably did the right thing. These dogs that have had multiple homes are often hopelessly damaged by a surprisingly young age and there are just not enough sensible, knowledgeable owners out there for them.

But I so hear where you are coming from. It is one of the most heartbreaking jobs in the world, especially if you, like most other vets, came into the job thinking you were going to be able to help animals. Instead you find yourself having to kill them because people are impulsive, thoughtless and careless :(

youarewinning · 18/10/2012 10:38
Sad

Very heartwrenching and thoughtful post. I love the fact it has a strong educational message behind it.

LFCisTarkaDahl · 18/10/2012 10:39

LtEveDallas did NOT personally attack you Flatbread - she gave an entirely unemotional account of your previous postings.

And I'm very glad she did as I felt sympathetic to you (didn't agree but felt sorry for you), now I don't as it's completely shocking to me that you have unneutered dogs and let one have puppies when there are so many dogs in rescues.

that alone means you act like a numpty who picks and chooses their 'morals'.

Thanks for posting that LtEveDallas

PerryCombover · 18/10/2012 10:42

excellent post op

i'm sorry for you and the poor dog

CheeseandPickledOnion · 18/10/2012 10:43

That poor puppy and poor you. Sad

Flatbread · 18/10/2012 10:45

LtDallas, lol. I have no interest in your life at all, I find your obsession with me a bit icky and a teeny-bit scary.

Maybe you should post in forums where only one point of view is valid, because you seem to find it very difficult to deal with opposing views, without getting personal and nasty. Frankly, your behaviour is bordering on bullying, just so that you know.

I care deeply about dogs, but don't find it necessary to abuse people who brings up their dogs differently than me. What I do find very concerning in this thread, is the ease with which young, healthy dogs are put to sleep. And people just saying that is in the best interest of the dog. If you have an opposing view on this, fine. But I think your posts cross a line and you sound like a bit of a demented stalker to me.

thevetswife · 18/10/2012 10:46

A lot of vets do smile and nod and take the dog into a back room to be pts 'later' upon which it is smuggled out of the backdoor and into the arms of a local rescuer, but as OP pointed out, the space in such rescues is limited and not all rescues are equal.

Dooin, my DH got into a bit of bother a few years ago for this. The trouble is that the dog is the owners property and there was a consent form for euthanasia. For suitable rehoming cases he now gets the owners consent for the dog to be passed to a rescue or fostered by us until a suitable home turns up. Usually they say no :(

Dog may or may not go out of the back door , couldn't possibly confirm
Wink

GrimmaTheNome · 18/10/2012 10:50

With regard to the discussion based on the OP, yes, it should not be easy to own a dog. But at the same time, it should not be so easy to kill a young, healthy dog either.

I wouldn't disagree with that - but I wouldn't blame the vet either that there is no legislation to make owners behave responsibly, and too often there is no viable alternative available to the vet. They have other animals to attend to - with the best will in the world, a vet can't spend all day on the phone (or mumsnet Hmm) trying to rehome one animal at the expense of her other patients.

So, how do we go about lobbying for solutions? What would they look like?
Some sort of rigourous and enforced licensing? Government funding for no-kill rescues? Strict laws on breeding - which would not only mean stiffer licensing/inspection of breeders but a total clampdown on amateur breeding?

Takver · 18/10/2012 10:52

To those who are saying the OP should have refused - we used to live in southern Spain where the 'answer' to these unwanted puppies (at least then, I hope it has changed) was to dump them. I suspect that if vets refused then that is what people would do.

Our gorgeous, delightful mutt was from a dumped litter there - he was lucky enough to survive intact but several of the puppies (rescued by a friend who found them) had had ears/tails chewed off by rats :(

Same problem of 'trendy' breeds by the way, he is part husky - not pure bred and desirable but not an easy small pet either. (Although having said that he has been the absolute perfect farm dog, totally safe with all stock, incredibly good with children, and so easily trainable you would not believe, so not all difficult breeds mean a difficult dog . . .)

Takver · 18/10/2012 10:53

" Strict laws on breeding - which would not only mean stiffer licensing/inspection of breeders but a total clampdown on amateur breeding?"

I would really support this - sure, it wouldn't be 100% successful - but it could help. Maybe a license to breed dogs rather than to keep them?

theodorakis · 18/10/2012 10:54

Grimma I did suggest it upthread but everyone ignored me. I made a thread in doghouse about it.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 18/10/2012 10:55

Heartbreaking, OP. I am currently doing battle with my adolescent nutjob puppy, who is a demanding, high energy dog. We adore him, spend hours a day on exercising/training/grooming and more money than I care to think of at the vets/pet shop/behaviourist. It is daunting and overwhelming sometimes. But, we took this on. We chose to bring him home. Even when he is driving me demented and a little bit of me thinks 'oh, how simple life would be if you were not here', there is no way we'll give up on him. He's family.
I did my work experience at secondary school in a vets, and I remember a man bringing in his young German Shepherd. The man was wearing sunglasses, and in bits. The dog had bitten his toddler son, and his wife was at the hospital with the child while he had surgery. I understood why the man was having the dog put to sleep, and I understood why the vet was doing it. But, Christ, it was horrible to see a healthy, tail wagging dog being euthanised. The fact that I still remember it 20 years later shows how affecting an experience it is.

Northernlurkerisbehindyouboo · 18/10/2012 10:56

Flatbread - you aren't being bullied. It's not bullying to point out inconsistency in your posts when you are intent on a holier than thou crusade. How dare you lecture the Op about her moral choices when the suggestion is you have refused to neuter your pets.

'I care deeply about dogs, but don't find it necessary to abuse people who brings up their dogs differently than me'

No, you just abuse caring professionals doing their job. Angry