When is it going to be my turn?? WARNING: Self pitying entitled rant

[zombieplanmum]

I went for yet another job interview today, whilst i actually think i did really well, gave a good presentation etc, i know i haven't got it. All the other candidates far more qualified and experienced, internal candidate too :(

Another kick in the teeth

I just want something nice to happen to me, i want to get lucky, im doing my best to make my own luck and trying to remain positive but i just can't do it anymore.

My DP is self employed, his work is drying up, he has work for the next few week, maybe over a month and then it is the time that every tradesman dreads - fucking christmas.

We are behind with the mortgage, but should be able to pay that this week so not too worried, but then of course it will be due again in under two weeks :(

So there was alot of pressure on me to get this job, its the first interview ive had for ages and i put so much effort into my presentation, it was really good - but still nothing, i know i was there to make the numbers up. The guy who interviewed me was disinterested to the point of rudeness :(

I hear other people talking about holidays, stuff they are doing with their kids and family (my relationship with DP is a pile of poo just now because of all the pressure) nice things that happen to them, now realistically i know that people have their problems and im just feeling sorry for myself, but FFS, when is it going to be MY turn? I was helping DP do a job last week, for a young couple in their first home - their first £350K home that they have bought with the help of their parents, they both have good jobs and work really hard, they deserve it. On their coffee table were brochures for wedding venues, really beautiful wedding venues and im ashamed to say i was green with envy, their lives are just starting out, full of excitement and she probably spends her evenings flicking through wedding dress brouchures. I spend my evenings mopping floors on my cleaning job that im slightly overqualified for (PhD), so ive worked really hard too, and i just flick through bills that we can't pay and spend most of my time worrying about money and nagging DP about getting more work in. Desperately filling out application after application.

I want to be the mum at the school gates with the exciting news, i want a new pair of boots because mine have just died, i want to get married (never going to happen) and be the centre of attention. I want to go and eat at a really nice (when i say nice i mean country pub nice not michelen starred nice) resturant and take photos on it and put in on facebook. I want to be posting things about my horse (i dont have one) and how lovely he was on my morning hack through the forrest and dewy fucking medows.

I know its all terribly first world, i have my health, a roof over my head (for now) and a wonderful family, but FFS God, give me a break why don't you - give me something to look forward to.

Sorry to anyone who read that, but that needed to come out!

I know where you are coming from - to other people the stuff I whinge about must sound terribly lame but its my life and it really affects me

Having a rant really does help, and I think you sound like a good candidate for any job!

This too shall pass {hug}

Oh, you poor thing. It does all seem so fucking unfair sometimes doesn't it. Just keep trying and try to think of something that happened each day that was positive or lucky, even if it's something stupid and try to feel good about that instead of feeling crap about the million shitty things that happened. Keep going love

I hear ya.
I thought my life would be a little easier by this age. I thought we would be having fun and have nice things to look forward to.
Not extravegent things, just the odd meal out, or a holiday once a year, or a decent coat. Or a watch that cost more than £20.
I am so tired of living from week to week, never being able to plan or look forward.
Its so dull and tiring.

I feel the same most days.
Then I will go to work and see children who are sick/disabled/palliative and I stop focusing on what I havent got and thank god for what I have.

I feel like that sometimes, though at least I've got a job ( and quite a nice one) My own particular and unreasonable rants are around a number of friends who have recently had huge inheritances from distant relations.

When times have been a bit hard and I've felt hard done by I keep away from wmen's magazines and all newspapers except the Independent as they are full of expensive stuff. Could you do a bit of volunteering for a charity that you sympathise with? Sometimes that is really enjoyable and gives you a feeling you are not that badly off. In my case it led to a job when I felt unemployable. Could you retrain for something that is more likely to get you work?

Its awful isnt it :( I feel exactly like that most days. Im sorry the interviewer was so rude. I bet he takes on someone crap. He should have paid more attention!

One piece of advice, deactivate your facebook. It makes all these feelings worse. Facebook is only a snapshot of peoples lives. The good bits that they want people to see. Its not real. Its not a true picture and it will only make you feel even more shit.

My Dad always used to say 'dont be in a rush to grow up- its not all its cracked up to be'. I used to think he was being stupid. But its true.
Theres a lot be said for being a child, carefree and even kids with problems just seem to take it in their stride. With age comes worry and the worst thing- envy

big huge hug op.
did your zombie plan go well? Is it something you could take to your next interview?
Just try and look at each interview as more experience, I know its so hard but you will nail it with the practice.
I have done cleaning when over qualified and it can be demoralising :(

Stay positive because you are going to find that perfect job at some point.

My dh is also self employed so I know that's really rough on you both stress wise. I hope something comes up for you soon, have you looked at temp work just to get some experience? Or agency stuff to tide you over the next few (tough) months?
Good luck op xxx

One piece of advice, deactivate your facebook. It makes all these feelings worse. Facebook is only a snapshot of peoples lives. The good bits that they want people to see.

Exactly! Facebook is the ultimate in self-censorship. I posted a few pictures of my birthday trip in a posh hotel last week, but omitted to mention that it's all been paid for by my DP while I'm working for six months for free in an attempt to get a job.

Just remember, everyone has their own problems. Even that couple you worked on the house for have issues and could be jealous of you for not having a job you hate or something. Swings and roundabouts, compadre.

zombieplanmum, i really feel for you. In fact, your post touched me so much I put myself in your shoes and thought you know what I'd send an email to the interviewer's HR department and politely say that it was clear to you quite early on in the interview process that the interviewer was not interested, almost to the point of rudeness. While you accept you're not going to get every job you go for, for it to be clearly a done deal even before you've had the interview is demoralising and perhaps some training should be given to interviewers who should also be reminded what it's like being the other side of the desk. I'm in a shitty mood right now so would probably not be able to keep my mouth shut about it. I'd do it politely and constructively though. What have you got to lose? I hope some luck comes your way soon.

futtheshutup - yes, i feel the same as you do and i do count my blessings often.

Higgle, i do do voluntary work, albeit not for a charity, it is enjoyable and I use it on my CV for recent "experience" but people see through this as its very part time.

I did see some courses at the college i was interviewing at today, but they are too long, i need to work now, not in two years time. Also, i am stupidly qualified and trying to use my stupidly specialised qualificationis to show i have "transferrable" skills.

I did however just have a big fat portion of chips washed down with a can of coke and yes the dogs were poncing but i had no one trying to scrounge my coke (my DD always wants a "sip" the whole can and i end up just having one mouthful, shes not allowed coke, but for some reason its ok for her to have mine ) so that was something - i think, feel bloated now though! argghhhhhhh

I agree about Facebook (I actually call it fakebook!)
Deactivated mine over a year ago, best thing ever!!
Op don't loose hope please, keep going because one day you will be laughing in a perfect job xxx

monkeysbignuts - i really enjoyed giving my zombie plan talk, they did make faces, but it got my point across and there were lightbulbs flashing over their heads when i explained it and put it into context. Ten minutes was a stupidly short time for the presentation, but i did it, and i included an activity and a plenary, so whilst my teaching experience is negligable, i think i demonstrated that i have paid attention to what they are looking for etc. You know, i get the feeling that ten, or even five years ago, the job would have been mine, no questions.

ah hun, at least you kicked ass in the presentation and you could use it again knowing it was good :)
I thought it was a good idea when you posted last week. Fingers crossed something comes up soon xxx

YANBU - it's OK to rage at the world sometimes. It allows you to develop perspective and validate your own feelings.

It also means you can parcel up that work search experience and stick it on the shelf of experience ready for the next thing that comes along. Something always comes along!

bit radio, its taking too long and my boat has well and truly left the harbour :(

Oh dear. You need a nice hot and a {hug}. MN is great for ranting. A bit like FutThe, I just try to compose myself and think of all the people who have it far worse than me, but you are still entitled to wallow once in a while. My relationship failed, my career has stalled, my mum is in need of constant care, but I take a little time to think of the positives... I am single (not happy but working on it), I am trying to start a business instead of getting back into the rat race, and my mum is alive and still finds time to laugh about her situation. You will get your break, life doesn't always happen in neat little boxes.

Cheesy philosophising alert

Your boat has "well and truly left the harbour" you say? Well, I say that's great! Because how would you ever have an adventure if you stay moored!?

"and how lovely he was on my morning hack through the forrest and dewy fucking medows."

Thanks for making me laugh OP, things are shit right now but if you can make people smile you're doing something right.

I'm also ROFL at 'dewy fucking meadows'. You've made 2 of us laugh OP!

I feel the same OP, I keep grinning through life hoping that one day SOMETHING will go right, or at least hoping that things won't get any worse, but they invariably do.

I met one of the senior executives of our organisation at a networking meeting. I'd been feeling really of her salary and the life she'd described in her talk; the interesting jobs she'd had and the people she'd met. After a brief chat she told me she'd always wanted children of her own and had never been able to have them, and to enjoy my 5. I felt quite humbled.

You sound fucking amazing to be honest. Bright, funny with just a perfect soupçon of bitter. You could hack through my dewy meadows anytime and that interviewer sounds like a cock.

My only practical advice would be to think laterally - if you can't get a job because there aren't any jobs, can you set up on your own? Is there a way of applying your skills to DP's business? Or anything thats a bit more out of the box?

Maybe now is the time for shit but soon will come the roses. Fingers crossed for you. It is really hard to keep positive but ranting here is a good idea and might just cheer you up.